I don't even know why I'm upset

[TypicallyTopically]

I'm upset about having 1 child and I don't even know why.

If it helps at all, all the only children I've ever met (including my dad) have been really lovely, happy, gregarious people with lots of friends, not lonely at all and certainly no more than kids with siblings!

What if I lose him?

It's just me and my DS. I understand how you feel, but actually it's very calm and peaceful in our home. I like it. My son had a phase of wanting a sibling when he was small but that passed. Don't worry.

Why would you lose him op?
It really sounds like you're struggling with anxiety. Have you experience this before? Is there anyone you could talk to, perhaps a family member or close friend, or maybe seek out your gp for some help.

What makes you think he will be alone? What if he meets someone amazing and spends his life with them? Surely they will support him when that time comes.

To be honest I leaned much more heavily on DH and friends when my dad died, than on my brother.

And I've just had a baby with a 12 year age gap. It's early days but so far they like each
other a lot

@TypicallyTopically

I'm crying over it and I don't know why

hormones they are buggers.

There's no one.
Children in my exes family have died

How old are you OP? I'm in my late thirties and my hormones seems to have gone haywire. I think about having another child far too often, even though I know it would be a terrible idea for us.

@TypicallyTopically

It's not a family it's only me and him

My DH was an only son and it was just him and his mum. He would not have had it any other way, they were amazingly close.

I'm 35

You're having one of 'those' moments. We all have them. I have 1 child and been unable to have more. I'm also an only child. There are times when it upsets me and I feed into the toxic narrative that 2+ children is 'the norm', 'the best' etc but we're actually an amazing little triangle family with so much fun and levity and there are so many advantages to only having one.

I don't think I can do it again

OP you are depressed or unhappy or something.

Plenty of kids are only children and they are fine. So stop drama-ing over that.

Go have a Bath and an an early night. If you are generally feeling down go see your Gp.

@TypicallyTopically you are clearly struggling
((hugs))

You also sound like you could be depressed. Do you think it could help to go and see your GP and have some counselling?
There is no reason why you might lose your dc.
There is no reason why your dc might end up alone. They will more likely become and adult and develop their own romantic Relationship and have a family of their own.

I'm having counseling. I have to have it in work on the phone which isn't ideal

In an ideal world but now I'm feeling nope. I'm getting older. I struggle with motherhood. The age gap would be too big. I'm in a new relationship so it wouldn't be for a while anyway

Have a good cry and grieve that idea of the family with small age gaps and then see what you need to do to focus on now.

FWIW - I did feel like this very much, it never really went away. I struggled with parenting DS1. I ended up having two more children ten years later and it's all worked out fantastically. OTOH I can also see how free I would have been if it weren't for the younger two and that would have been a different life and had benefits as well. I wouldn't rule it out, especially if your partner is open to having children later on, but it can also be worth planning for a life without (more) children. That can feel difficult if your child is still quite young.

New partner will want kids and that'll end

I haven't got 10 years

How old is your child? You might have five. 3-5 years is long enough for a relationship to be established before going for children, IMO.

He's 4

There is 7 years between my 2 nephews (different dads) and although the first few years they obviously didn’t play together etc they are very close now at mid-teen and early 20s - so not too late for you/ your child

And nothing wrong with only children anyway… know lots (as kids and adults) and only a couple have said they wished for siblings

Reading this I thought you was going to be much older and your child is only 4?! Thought you was going to say they were 10+ my mum had my brother at 45

I was like this but my reason was early menopause . Honestly felt like my world had ended but now she is 10, life is great! And dd is a very happy and sociable child.
Took me a long time to get to this stage but l couldn't be happier with our set up now.
Your feelings are valid op.

I wonder if you are transferring onto your ds your own fear of being alone. It sounds like being alone is a big anxiety for you - but your ds is not you and his experience of life will be different. I'm sure you can already see qualities and traits in him that you don't have yourself. He is another person and he will see the world differently from you and live his life differently.

There are many advantages to being an only child but you are focusing on what you perceive to be disadvantages. Try to separate yourself and your experience from that of your ds. You will have been very close these last four years (esp with lockdown) but as he starts school and makes friends he will find his own social group and you can help him by encouraging him to do that.

You do sound depressed OP. I would try to see your GP and if possible get some counselling in person or on zoom, preferably not squeezed into an inconvenient time slot.

Having another dc because you are worried about the first being lonely isn't a good idea or particularly rational. That dc would also be their own person, not a mirror of you or your ds. Your ds is not you and will not process the world in the way you do.