I don't even know why I'm upset

[TypicallyTopically]

I'm upset about having 1 child and I don't even know why.

You're 35, your child is 4.
If you want another, you have years to do so! So many women have babies in their 40s.
You sound like you're struggling with your mental health, is there someone you can call?

@TypicallyTopically

There's no one. Children in my exes family have died

What? He's lost multiple children?

Also, I was an only child, and my mum a single mother.
I never once wanted a sibling! I had 3 best friends growing up, 2 of which are still a huge part of my life, they had keys to my house growing up and still do now - I was never lonely.

No a child in his side of his family died

You’re 35 and your DC is 4. Many people have big age gaps and 35 isn’t old.

I had my second child when I was older than you are now and the age gap between my two is bigger than 4 years. If you want to have another child, you can.

I have a 23 year age gap between my dd's. Dd2 was a surprise arrival I was 38 when she came along.

Dd1 died when I was 7 months pregnant with Dd2.
Dd2 will grow up an only child the same as Dd1.
There is nothing wrong with being an only child some people DON'T have a choice in how many children they have.

@ParkheadParadise
Very sorry to read about your lovely daughter,I suppose as painful as it is you are so happy to have having the pleasure of being her mammy

@ParkheadParadise I’m so sorry for the loss of your eldest daughter

I can't risk another

He's so young. Even if you had a baby in 5 years they may not be as close as kids closer in age whilst they are kids but as adults it wouldn't make any difference.

My sister is 12 years older than me and we are very close. Closer than me and my sister who is 18 months older than me. My husband is a decade older than me too. It's crazy to think the age gap means he won't benefit from a sibling - of course he would.

But - there is nothing wrong with only having one child. Sometimes I think there's definitely something to be said about it to be honest, looking at the state of the world.

I think things I can't write here. 😕

I felt the same as you Op. it literally killed me that my DC was an only child. So I had another, with a large gap and I had another baby at the grand old age of 43 with someone I'd only been dating for less than a year. Wouldn't change a thing

But then I only want him if that makes sense?

I just don't know if I've got the strength to do it all again. I'll be 'free' at nearly 50. Do I want to extend that age!

One child is fine. A single child can be a happy adult - just make sure he has plenty of opportunity to socialize so he's comfortable making friends.

I really wouldn't recommend having another child as a friend for the first - they might be very different or just not that interested in each other or life just might take them in different directions. You can't force a close sibling relationship.

In any case it sounds as though you may not have space in your heart to love another child so make the most of the one you have. If your love for him is strong and stable he will have every opportunity to grow up strong and stable.

I just wish I'd started sooner

I am an only child and have never, ever, wished that things were different. I have had a very stressful few years as carer for my mum (now in a nursing home) and of course responsibility for all the decisions fell on me. But I have seen friends struggle with the same responsibility with the added stress of having to please siblings as well.

Honestly being an only child has been great.

I cry about it all the time. Its not normal to feel like this.

Maybe you're a bit depressed? Talking therapy can help or antidepressants.

Dp is here. I need to act normal

I've just put the phone down on the counselor. It's pointless

Op, if you aren't willing to help yourself and are putting the phone down on someone trying to help you, what are you looking for?
You very clearly need to get help. Please call your GP.

OK I'll do that ASAP. Thanks so much

@ladydimitrescu

Op, if you aren't willing to help yourself and are putting the phone down on someone trying to help you, what are you looking for? You very clearly need to get help. Please call your GP.

I agree with you ladydimitrescu. What is it OP wants? OP you sound terribly confused with what you do and do not want. I hope you get the help you need. As ladydimitrescu advised you should contact your GP for support if counselling is not having the desired benefit. I hope you get the support you need, is there anybody you can reach out to family or friends?