Dreading the weekend, I just want DH to come home

[bloodywhitecat]

But won't be. He can't. I would give anything to have him bounce through the door, declaring "It's the freaking weekend baby!" just one more time. Going off to fetch the Friday night takeaway just one more time. Sitting here, with him next to me. But it is never going to happen. He died 12 days ago, here, peacefully at home. He finally looked like him again instead of being disfigured by the stroke and the pain of his cancer. I know he's at peace now but I miss him so much. This is my first weekend on my own, last week I took the babies (we foster) to my DD's for the weekend but this week I am staying here. Tomorrow I need to find something to wear to say our final goodbyes and I am dreading it.

I get it. I have been here. It’s unbelievable that he isn’t coming home. Shopping for funeral clothes is surreal. I wore a dress I already owned but DC didn’t have anything suitable. The till assistant in Next complimented my 10 year old’s choice and asked if she was going somewhere special. That was awkward. There isn’t really anything I can say that makes this time any easier, but know that so many people here are thinking of you.

thinking of you today . Sending hugs xxx

Hugs for this shit time

My DH was diagnosed with cancer at the same time as Mr Whitecat and your posts were such a support to me, especially with no friends and family around during Covid. A similar experience of having to deal with a dismissive NHS until it was all too late. My DH only made 9 weeks into the year they gave him.

So, my advice from 9 months out is don't worry, the overwhelming physical crushing grief will gradually pass. Then you'll be in a still completely shit but less overwhelming place.

And join WAY when you feel ready, thats been a huge support.

My husband passed away on Tuesday and I've followed your thread (looongggg time lurker) He was 38 and died less than a month after his cancer diagnosis. I'm so sorry for the gaping hole you now have, I know how that feels. It's horrendous x

My heart is breaking for you, sending condolences to you and to @Ohballstothis

@Ohballstothis and @unidentia I am so sorry, it is a club no one wants to be in. The emptiness and grief is all encompassing

I'm so sorry to everyone who has lost loved ones ❤️

I'm so so sorry.

Sending you so much love xx

Sorry for your loss, and for the other bereaved people here xx

I've been following your DH's progress from your first post when you were worried about him. This must be so hard. You've coped with the horrible diagnosis and right up to now with dignity and, sometimes, humour. He would be so proud of you and, although your life will never be the same, you'll continue to do a great job with the foster babies. It's awful, no way of getting round that, but I'm so impressed with you and wish I knew you.

@tunnocksreturns2019, I like the idea of our husbands hanging out together, I hope they are kicking up their heels. On a day like today we'd have gone to Southwold for an Adnams and a picnic on the beach.

I did it. I went shopping and bought a dress then bought our biggest fosterling some new Kickers, DH loved to see him in his skinny jeans and Kickers so that is what he will be wearing. The littlest fosterling has the most perfect big blue eyes and masses of brown hair, so much so that I have to tie it up to keep in out of her eyes. She spent ages blowing rasberries and grinning wildly at anyone who so much as glances her way. We even managed coffee and a scone and lunch for the babies in the coffee shop in JL. Now we are home, the babies are napping and the fire is burning.

Oh well done, the fosterlings sound utterly gorgeous! You’ll be running on adrenalin most like so I hope they let you have a bit of down time. Though I used to think if I ever had down time, which is a mixed blessing,

Thinking of you today. I’m about to take my two out to choose a magazine each, then I’m going to spend an hour in the garden. I was feeling a bit grumpy at the thought of needing to look after it on my own again this year but just getting my towels on the line was heartening this morning, so I’ll do some peas, beans and pumpkins I think.

I am going to try and do something in ours too, it was usually his domain but you have given me inspiration. The strawberries are doing well but pumpkins, peas and courgettes are good go-to things for us as well as cucumbers, I am only surprised that fosterling one doesn't resemble a cucumber he eats so much of the stuff!

Have you ever grown cucamelons? So easy and the little ones might like them. They look like melons for Sylvanians! And taste like cucumber and lime

I did badly with cucumbers last year. My first go. Maybe I’ll try again

I'm so sorry Whitecat. Thinking of you and your family at this time. Remember MN is always here with a listening ear when you want it. X

I have seen cucamelons online but haven't tried them, I think I will give them a go. Our cucumbers were OK last year (so long as I keep the -dinoraptors-- chickens away, we grew them up the back wall of the house which is sheltered and warm.

Oh sweetheart. I read your message about weekends this morning and have only just seen this one.

You're doing great. One step after another, wave back at the daffodils, hold your head up wearing that amazing outfit.

You can do it and you will. You absolutely will. And he will be so proud as shall your babies be.

I'm so so sorry

So very sorry to read what happened to your husband so very difficult for you all. ❤️
My husband died in 2008, a brain tumour.
Our children have autism and a few extras.
They are all now adults and with support they are doing very well.

One of the best things I did was join WAY, I made friends for life, quite a few who also had children with autism, finding your people was made easier through WAy.
I found being in bed alone really hard, I still slept on my side of the bed.
I’d wake in the night convinced he’d gone to the loo, then cry when I remembered that he wouldn’t be coming back, ever.
I moved my bed round and put my pillows in the middle of the bed, it took me a while to stretch out and enjoy the space.
Do you have much support for yourself and the children?

Feel free to message me anytime.