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Original poster

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

69 replies

Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 10:52

I'm sticking with 1 I think for some reasons. I'm a single parent who works 4 days a week. Ex has child 5 nights a month. I've got poor mental heath and always have. I find the energy needed for children takes alot from me. I feel bad as he has no cousins (well he does but he won't know them), older grandparents and little social circle.

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NoHeavenNoMore · 07/03/2022 10:58

We're only having one. She's 6 months at the moment but I can categorically say 100% i am done. I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm getting myself back too. I wouldn't want to go through pregnancy and those early days again. Parenting is really tough and it does take a lot out of you, as you said. I have a partner and although he could do a lot more... he's here. Hats off to you for doing it on your own day in and day out, I think you're amazing.

My baby has cousins, but they are older. I don't feel like she's missing out because she doesn't know any different.
I guess with your sons age, he goes to nursery? How does he get on there? Does he make friendships easily enough?

luckylavender · 07/03/2022 11:01

It's nobody's business. I'm the only child of an only child and I have an only child. I'm very quick to put people in their place when they question the why's and where fors. I don't criticise other people's life choices.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 11:04

He goes to nursery and mixes well. I've got friends with kids the same age aswell. I feel like I can't put myself in a position where I have to do this on my own again

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Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 11:25
Grin
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starlightmagic · 07/03/2022 11:28

I’m only having one, she’s nearly 2 and I have no desire to start again! It’s draining physically and mentally, we are hitting that difficult toddler stage as well which is really exhausting. I’ve asked to be sterilised but I’m too young apparently Hmm

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 11:34

Starlight it's mad they won't sterilise you. They say the coil is just as effective nowadays but some people just want sterilisation and that's OK.
I think if my situation was different I might try for another but at the moment I'm veering towards no

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Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 11:39

Not man hating but its ludicrous how little men are expected to give up to have kids next to women

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Walesrecommendations · 07/03/2022 11:41

Yes me. 18 month old and we love her to bits but my god it's been tough. She still doesn't sleep through so couldnt even contemplate adding a new born to the mix. Small families both sides too but I'll make sure she has lots of opportunities to make friends and have hobbies. Also financially this would make it harder for us to give her a good quality of life.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 11:43

I'm worried I'll regret just having 1

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Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 15:28

I've got a new partner. He's got no kids. I hope to god he doesn't want any

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thecatsthecats · 07/03/2022 15:33

I'm only having a max of two (twins run in the family so have to be realistic about prospect), because I'm simply not enough of a people person or a people pleaser to deal with the competing demands of more than two.

I know circumstances can change, but when people talk about having four alone it gives me the sweats. I simply want my life to be manageable - I do Operations as a job, and I know that I hate the pillar to post aspects of competing needs.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 16:12

It's the lack of rest that kills me

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Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 19:19

I mean I don't really want him to be alone but I just couldn't cope

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/03/2022 19:22

I only have one. I'm also single, couldn't cope with more or afford more.He's 9 this year.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 19:56

Sometimes I think oh just have another but I'm coming to the stage where I just can't.

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Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 20:01

And let's be honest most of the threads on here could put you off having kids and getting married

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Erinyes · 07/03/2022 20:05

I have one. Frankly, I’m always mildly baffled so many people have more than one. OP, it’s a perfectly sensible reason to tailor the size of your family according to your resources and MH.

Just10moreminutesplease · 07/03/2022 20:05

I have one and am still undecided on whether to have another. There are just as many pros to having an only as there are having more.

If I wasn’t with my husband the decision would be easy- I wouldn’t do it. Why deal with all the stresses of a blended family, including your first possibly feeling second best because their half sibling gets to live with both parents, if you’re not desperate for a second?

xXwhenwillitendXx · 07/03/2022 20:08

Mines 18 months and she will be my one and only. I hated the no sleep for the newborn stage and the toddler months are slowly killing me. I love the bones of her, but my god I miss me time and the ability to just sit quietly.
I was so unwell in pregnancy so have no desire to repeat that, and also woth everything going on in the world, I'm not sure I would want to bring another life into it.
Also financialy I feel I can give my all to one, where as any more would mean serious budgeting.

Dembones292 · 07/03/2022 20:10

We have one DC. My only advice is to ditch the guilt and concern over it. I dwelled on it for years and honestly it was absolutely pointless. DS is 13 now and it was 100% the right thing to do. I dont have any regrets or guilt anymore because I can see that it's been been positive thing for us all, I just wish I'd realised it sooner. Enjoy you one and only.

Caspianberg · 07/03/2022 20:12

Likely stick with 1 here. I have dh, and he does equal childcare.
But frankly I don’t want or like having 0 freetime or headspace. We have no family either. So it’s just dh or I for everything.

Rinatinabina · 07/03/2022 20:20

Yup sticking with 1, ours is a toddler but we had her late and we are knackered and have no family support. I just couldn’t face doing it again. Also severe sickness in pregnancy, I spent months on the sofa crying, couldn’t do it again.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 07/03/2022 20:24

I have one. Lone parent, working full time and could not cope with another. Split when he was 3, went to uni full time and got a new career and by the time I could have thought about having another I didn't want one. No regrets and I'm in my 40s now so too late (for me) even if my partner hadn't had a vasectomy!

RoyKent · 07/03/2022 20:25

One and done! I work full time and it's just us two but I'm a teacher so we have the holidays. Enough income that we can holiday and have treats. Love it.

cannythinkofaname · 07/03/2022 20:33

I have one, he's 2.5. We had a hard time to get to him and I can't even think about the potential trauma of going through all that again. That aside, I'm genuinely content and happy to have one. Like a PP said, I'm at a point where it baffles me that people have more than one!
I'm one of 3 so I do carry some guilt that my son will never know the unique bond of a sibling. But, that does not override my certainty that it's right for us.