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Original poster

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

69 replies

Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 10:52

I'm sticking with 1 I think for some reasons. I'm a single parent who works 4 days a week. Ex has child 5 nights a month. I've got poor mental heath and always have. I find the energy needed for children takes alot from me. I feel bad as he has no cousins (well he does but he won't know them), older grandparents and little social circle.

OP posts:
Blossombo · 07/03/2022 20:35

I only have one, DD is 12 and utterly fabulous. My motivation for having one was having siblings! I have a younger brother and sister and we have never got on at all from childhood, see my brother every few years and my sister Christmas and her kids birthdays.

My DD has been able to have things we just wouldn’t have been able to afford if we had more than one, such as hobbies (ponies), friends round, holidays, lots of days out and experiences. She is well rounded, not spoilt and really funny. I am really glad I only had one!!

Lemonweightloss · 07/03/2022 20:37

I've only got 1. Had him when I was 21 ; he's 33 now. Pregnancy was ok, birth horrendous and suffered pnd. I had lots of support from parents, siblings and bf ( now dh. We got married when our ds was 5). Apart from one time when he was about 8 ( we had unprotected sex as I thought I'd like another), I've never wanted another. In fact, after the unprotected sex, I was so scared of being pregnant that I knew I didn't want another. Thankfully, it never happened. I found it all too tiring ; physically and emotionally.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 20:40

I'm probably still young enough at 35 and do get pangs. My partner is an only child and he doesn't seem overly bothered about having a baby but he's really chilled anyway! I do worry that I'm reducing my chance of grandkids and him having a sibling but as he's getting closer to school I'm just thinking no

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Imsittinginthekitchensink · 07/03/2022 20:43

I've got a 16yo. Not remotely sad I never had another, I'd have been shit at having more. Never get any pangs looking at people with more, it's not a life choice I envy in any way. I have no interest in grandchildren, so that certainly would not have driven my choices!

User3456 · 07/03/2022 20:44

We've only got one. Different reasons to you, but no regrets. DS is 15 now and horrified by the thought of brothers and sisters haha.

MyGiddyAunt1 · 07/03/2022 20:46

Funny how this thread popped up in the very

day I thought ‘best decision I’ve made’. The reasons- didn’t enjoy pregnancy
Don’t genuinely understand the fuss around ‘joys of motherhood’ - I think this was coined by some men high in alcohol!
It’s a huge drain in your mental and physical health
No time for yourself
Not ready to throw away my career I worked so hard for
I like a clean and mess free living space - which is a challenge with too many kids
Not interested in the ‘forced fun’ of school activities/parent stuff-

I feel I have a better relationship and time for my daughter because she is the only child. I don’t know how my husband feels though

Gotajobthrunepotism · 07/03/2022 20:47

We only have one. For a million reason.

Some of them:

We took 8 years to concieve DS in the first place: so bloody pleased that we have him

I’m 40 and fat. The risks of complications is too much

I have MH issues: I think the stress of another baby could push me over the edge

I love being able to put all my energy and love into one little person: and I think I’m a better mother for it.

We’re just out of the phase of paying a huge amount for childcare: wouldn’t want to do it again.

The lack of sleep at the baby stage. Nope nope nope.

Terrible tokophobia.

The toddler years were very trying and hard work

We have a fairly good lifestyle but add another child in then a lot of costs double.

We’d struggle to pay house deposits and put 2 kids through uni

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 20:48

I had a placenta abruption aswell so the risks are high for me.

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Cocopogo · 07/03/2022 20:49

@starlightmagic I don’t know how old you are but my doctor agreed it when I was 28, I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t having anymore.

Cece92 · 07/03/2022 20:54

It's entirely up to you. People can be so weird when it comes to how many kids your having. I have 1 she's 9 this year ideally at the time I would have loved more but me and her dad have been separated 6 years and I've been single since. I always said if I met someone and was stable then I'd have more but like I said she's nearly 9, she's independent but still needs me for certain things. I work full time and feel like i never sit down. Last week I ended up recording all my eastenders and watching them yesterday morning lol! My daughter asks for a baby sister all the time but I keep saying by the time I have another she will be basically hitting teenage years what is she going to do with a baby sister 😂

Jvg33 · 07/03/2022 20:57

I don't blame people just wanting one child. Two is hard work! Less time, less space, less money.

AliceW89 · 07/03/2022 20:58

My DS is nearly 2 and the thought of another still feels utterly horrifying as opposed to a good idea. DH is keeping an open mind, but the further we move from the baby stage the less I want to go back. I enjoy my DS now a lot - this time last year he was horrendously hard work, I was on maternity leave and my mental health and physical health were spiralling. It feels so silly as they are only tiny for such a short amount of time, but I just don’t think I have it in me to do it again. I think I’d just be dreading the birth and the baby bit for the entire time we were trying to conceive and then the subsequent pregnancy.

Newbabynewhouse · 07/03/2022 20:59

I have 1 child..she is only 1 year old and i have always wanted 2-4 children but now im not so sure if i can handle another one... i have poor mental health also and soemtimes feel like i want to run away...i just want to sit and cry half the time but dont have the time to! So i just battle on miserably... i adore my child and do have a DP he works full time and grandparents aren't able to help much due to living further away and ill health..baby has broken sleep every night waking every hour and having a cry and this has left me exhausted...

ffiffi123 · 07/03/2022 21:04

I've just been told today I have low AMH & High FSH (AMH being 0.8) and the only way we'll conceive is through a donor egg privately so that'll be the reason we only have 1. I'm also 36 turning 37 in a few months so time isn't on my side either!

Our daughter is completely perfect though, I'm biased I know Grin shes 2 & 8 months now and to be honest, if it happens it happens, if not then it wasn't meant to be and we're so lucky & so very grateful for our daughter!

It's sad, I'm sad but we realise we're lucky too Thanks

PatientlyWaiting21 · 07/03/2022 21:25

We have one and won’t be having another.

purplesky18 · 07/03/2022 21:30

I felt the same then suddenly had another when my first was 3. Now I know I am definitely done. I am exhausted to say the least. Youngest is 8months now and I feel like I’m slowly getting sane again but in those early days I really did think my life was over forever, again. I’m an only child and it’s fine, never effected me. Do what you need to do!

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 21:33

I just worry incase anything happens to him

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Iheartmysmart · 07/03/2022 21:38

I’ve only got one and he’ll be 20 this month. I absolutely hated being pregnant, found the baby years exhausting and tedious and to be totally honest I’m far too selfish. I love DS to bits and we have a great relationship but I’m not a natural parent by any stretch of the imagination.

glasgowLil · 07/03/2022 21:41

You just have to do what is best for you. In an ideal world I probably would have had another child but I hated being pregnant, had spd and then got breast cancer just before my daughter turned 2. It all became clear that I had to accept that I’d been lucky to have one child and not be terminally ill. My daughter is now 11 and she has verbalised wanting a sibling which has been tough but it was definitely the right decision for me and my husband.

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 21:47

He'd be a good brother but I can't put myself and him through a blended family. They appears miserable for most kids. I've also spoke to alot of older colleagues who express they wish they'd just stayed with 1 child.

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LaLaFlottes · 07/03/2022 21:49

I have just one - DD is 19 now and I don’t regret it for a minute.

I made sure I was always happy to have her friends round - took her to lots of activities etc as she didn’t have siblings and it was great!

Financially it has meant we could do more - and now supporting one child at Uni is doable.

I don’t think DD feels like she has missed out. Do what is right for you - as ultimately that is what will be right for you both Smile

Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 22:03

Should I speak to my partner of three months about this?

OP posts:
AliceW89 · 07/03/2022 22:11

@Counsellingtime

Should I speak to my partner of three months about this?
I mean, you could have a theoretical conversation about the pros and cons of having more than one DC/any DC in the first place. But I wouldn’t be talking to him to make firm plans either way - a 3 months relationship is nowhere near long enough to be decided you either don’t, or do want to have a child with this person. What happens if he says he desperately wants DC right now? What happens if he says 100% never? I think you need to be prepared mentally first for all outcomes and it doesn’t sound like you are there yet yourself - you don’t even know if you want more children or not.
Original poster
Counsellingtime · 07/03/2022 22:29

I think I'm worrying about him getting older

OP posts:
Jux · 07/03/2022 22:48

We've only had one for a multiplicity of reasons.

I was 41
I had had an mc of a much wanted Downs syndrome baby only a year or so before
I had not wanted children at all before meeting dh who did
I had a career I wanted to follow and not be distracted from (as did dh)
Nightmare ILs who only got worse with my pg and then after the birth, while dh grew more and more distant
I didn't realise until a year or so after the birth that I had started to become very ill indeed alongside pg

There were others but I can't remember them now.

Having said all that, I have never regretted having my child, now in their 20s, and if I'd had more I'm sure I wouldn't regret having them either.