Page 3 | Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

Counsellingtime · 2022-03-07T10:52:48+00:00

I'm sticking with 1 I think for some reasons. I'm a single parent who works 4 days a week. Ex has child 5 nights a month. I've got poor mental heath and always have. I find the energy needed for children takes alot from me. I feel bad as he has no cousins (well he does but he won't know them), older grandparents and little social circle.

MinnieMountain · 08/03/2022 06:02

We stuck with one. He’s 8 and very happy.

It’s a good balance- DS gets plenty of attention, DH and I have time to do our own things too.

Having him made me anxious. The first 2 years were not easy.

Blended families are hard (both my parents re-married).

Sugarplumfairy22 · 08/03/2022 06:22

My daughter is 7. She’s an only child. I always made sure we took her to lots of toddler groups and now she’s older she does brownies and swimming and theatre group so she is around people her age a lot.
I love having 1 child.
My life is alit easier than my friends that have multiple kids.

I grew up poor and I went without so much growing up. Financially it makes sense to have one. I can give my little girl everything I didn’t have growing up and I’m not embarrassed to say she is a little spoilt.

I had very bad PND, PN anxiety, PN OCD and I cannot go through that again.

I’d rather Chuck myself off a bridge than give birth again!

Ponchek · 08/03/2022 06:52

@Counsellingtime

I've got a new partner. He's got no kids. I hope to god he doesn't want any

So you would've be having one on your own??

I'd be feeling that it's only fair for him to have one.

But then I love pregnancy and little kids.

starlightmagic · 08/03/2022 07:09

@Cocopogo I’m 31 😭 they keep pushing the coil but I’m reluctant, same with the implant. Not sure what I’ll do when I can’t get the injection any longer

Notcreativeatall · 08/03/2022 07:41

I have one - not through choice- and I sometimes field the energy for one is more than if we had 2- there's a lot of entertaining/board games/doing things ( partly through guilt) - and we have friends round a lot- i think their parent's think it easy for us to have an extra one as we only have one..
we don't live near family/cousins either

cissyandbessy · 08/03/2022 07:58

Your reasons are totally legitimate and similar to mine. With a difficult birth, no family support and shaky mental health I just couldn't face it again - the lack of sleep was such a trigger for my bad MH, I have occasional pangs of guilt but it's done now and my DD seems well adjusted and perfectly happy with a close group of friends. I feel she is happier with a happier mother which I struggled with when she was young.

Milomonster · 08/03/2022 08:02

I didn’t want anymore with my ex as he was a useless dick of a man child. It was hard having to parent him into parenting his own child. Life as a single mum with an only child is great.

istandwithukraine · 08/03/2022 08:08

In the OPs specific circumstances - single, mental health issues etc then no I don't blame you for only having one child

In response to a previous poster who said they were "mildly baffled as to why someone would want more than one child" have to say I'm the opposite and mildly baffled as to the whole "one and done" notion

Nelliephant1 · 08/03/2022 08:44

If your circumstances were different I'd plead with you to have another but they're not so one sounds good to me. I'm sure you'll be an amazing mum.

More for others who have the choice to have more than one child. Please don't be selfish, have another.

I'm an only child and have several friends who are only children and everyone I know struggles more as adults.

Childhood is fine with friends etc but as adults it's much more difficult. There's no one to check memories out with, no one with a shared history and understanding of how your childhood did or didn't work. There's no one who knows your parents in the same way that you do. I could ho in!!!

When it comes to the stage of having ageing parents etc being an only one is truly awful again because if being alone and not having the support of a sibling.

I know that some siblings don't have contact, don't get in etc, nothing is perfect, but if you do have the choice to have another child, please do for their sake.

Erinyes · 08/03/2022 09:20

@Nelliephant1

If your circumstances were different I'd plead with you to have another but they're not so one sounds good to me. I'm sure you'll be an amazing mum.

More for others who have the choice to have more than one child. Please don't be selfish, have another.

I'm an only child and have several friends who are only children and everyone I know struggles more as adults.

Childhood is fine with friends etc but as adults it's much more difficult. There's no one to check memories out with, no one with a shared history and understanding of how your childhood did or didn't work. There's no one who knows your parents in the same way that you do. I could ho in!!!

When it comes to the stage of having ageing parents etc being an only one is truly awful again because if being alone and not having the support of a sibling.

I know that some siblings don't have contact, don't get in etc, nothing is perfect, but if you do have the choice to have another child, please do for their sake.

Obviously you’re entitled to your feelings, but you’re entitled to have them about your own life, not to make melodramatic ‘pleas’ to people who have decided to have one child because of their circumstances and preferences.

Aimee1987 · 08/03/2022 09:31

I think theres a bit of a misconception that a sibling = conpansionship. I was the youngest of 4, as a young child I would play a bit with my sister but she was very domineering and would dictate everything. As we grew I was completly ignored by my sister and told to fuck off if I tried to talk to her or dared speak to one of her friends. My brother openly bullied and harassed me for my entire childhood. I remeber being terrified of going home.
Now as adults I talk to my sister about once to twice a month on Skype ( she moved to the other side of the world). My bother who bullied me I have gone non contact with and my other brother I have nothing in common with.
So siblings dont always equal friendship and companionship sometimes a sibling relationship ship can be more damaging then good.
If hes in nursery getting socialisation then hes fine. Similar with school. The other thing that may help as he gets older is getting him into some team sports if he likes them as they build teamwork skills.

Original poster

Counsellingtime · 08/03/2022 17:42

My sister was an utter bitch to me growing up. My mum made it quite obvious she didn't like parenting young kids aswell

OP posts:

Aimee1987 · 09/03/2022 09:10

@Nelliephant1

If your circumstances were different I'd plead with you to have another but they're not so one sounds good to me. I'm sure you'll be an amazing mum.

More for others who have the choice to have more than one child. Please don't be selfish, have another.

I'm an only child and have several friends who are only children and everyone I know struggles more as adults.

Childhood is fine with friends etc but as adults it's much more difficult. There's no one to check memories out with, no one with a shared history and understanding of how your childhood did or didn't work. There's no one who knows your parents in the same way that you do. I could ho in!!!

When it comes to the stage of having ageing parents etc being an only one is truly awful again because if being alone and not having the support of a sibling.

I know that some siblings don't have contact, don't get in etc, nothing is perfect, but if you do have the choice to have another child, please do for their sake.

You are 100% romatasising a sibling relationship based on some idealised version of what you think should happen.

More often then not even of friends who have siblings they get on with are not this close.

The pleas are melodramatic and completly unnecessary

Aimee1987 · 09/03/2022 09:13

@Counsellingtime

My sister was an utter bitch to me growing up. My mum made it quite obvious she didn't like parenting young kids aswell

I think it was different 20 /30 years ago. The expectation ( I'm Irish so more so in ireland) was to have multiple kids and your a failure if you dont. However putting yourself under that much pressure isnt good for mum or baby. So if you dont want a second child dont have one.

Nomorefuckstogive · 09/03/2022 09:21

We have one and did so because family were far away, so not much support, DH worked long hours & my job is demanding. Also, our relationship was rocky, so it wasn’t fair to have another. In addition, I really suffered form poor MH when she was a baby and sporadically thereafter. It’s worked out amazingly well. She has lots of friends and I ensured that she had loads of sleepovers and sociable activities (forced myself.) I don’t think she’s missed out hugely. Many siblings I know don’t get on. She’s now an empathetic and sociable teen & we have an amazing relationship.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 09/03/2022 09:23

I am a mum to a 9 year old and I'm mid 40s. In hindsight I wish I'd started earlier so I could have had another but DS is happy, social and good at making friends. I've been a single parent since he was 2. It's hard work but I wouldn't change things. My pregnancy was high risk and I would have struggled to have another. I do feel guilty sometimes that my DS has no siblings, but he gets all my attention and now realises birthdays and christmases would be different with a sibling I had siblings growing up and we just bickered all the time, and now as adults we are not that close. I don't think DS will be any worse off as he doesn't know any different and we are a very happy family of 2

Original poster

Counsellingtime · 09/03/2022 12:54

My mum only had 2 kids.

OP posts:

crispmidnightpeace · 09/03/2022 14:26

I have one child because another child never materialised with new partner. We don't use contraception and I'm leaving it to the universe but having one child makes this infinitely easier. I don't worry about her socialisation really, we have friends with children. Some days she doesn't see another child but then some weeks it's non-stop engagements.

Original poster

Counsellingtime · 10/03/2022 11:44

I've never really felt the need for alot of interaction with others. I'm not a big people person so maybe he'll be the same

OP posts:

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

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