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Original poster

What am I doing wrong here? Reception party

84 replies

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 01:34

DS started in Reception in September, and really wanted a party this year - we haven’t been able to have one for the past two years as his birthday has fallen during lockdown. So, we hired a party room at the leisure centre, and invited his nursery friends and about half of his class about a week ago.

All of the nursery friends have accepted. Literally not a single response from the school friends. No refusals, no acceptances, literally not a word. Yes my contact details were on the invitations, and they were definitely handed out. Party is on 20th.

What the fuck is up with that? It is going to be so upsetting for DS if nobody from school comes. I don’t know many of the parents and haven’t really organised any play dates due to covid, which I assume is the problem. There’s a class Whatsapp but not many people on it - the whole school seems much more standoffish than nursery was. Is this normal for school parties?

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 07/03/2022 01:36

It’s probably still early for parents to respond

Spottybotty20 · 07/03/2022 01:39

Why only half the class? In our school it’s the done thing to invite everyone or just have a much smaller thing with 1/2.

How did you give out the invites? Have they definitely been received?

CustardyCreams · 07/03/2022 01:41

Hi, for some reason school parties can be last-minute acceptances - even when I put “RSVP by xx date” I still got people texting on the morning of the party. I wouldn’t assume the lack of play dates is the problem. Try and grab one or two parents if you can with a cheerful “hello hope you can make it to the party, will we see you there?” And yes if you can spot a few parents in the WhatsApp it’s ok to message them too.

Yes it’s a huge pain and very rude but it seems par for the course.

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FlowerArranger · 07/03/2022 01:43

It's nearly 2 weeks away. People are busy. Some people are flaky. Some don't know the meaning of RSVP. Follow up if you haven't heard back on the Monday before the party.

However, why did you not invite the whole class? Back in my day - a long time ago, admittedly. .. - the rule was you'd just invite a small number of close friends, or the whole class. Knowing that only two thirds, at best, would attend. Your plan is neither here nor there.

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 07/03/2022 01:45

Why only half the class? In our school it’s the done thing to invite everyone or just have a much smaller thing with 1/2.

This.

Original poster

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 01:48

Why only half the class? In our school it’s the done thing to invite everyone or just have a much smaller thing with 1/2

There are two classes, which mix together after lunch. We’ve invited ten from one class and five from the other, to avoid leaving anyone out who actually plays with him. We can’t invite all 60! He is good friends with about 7-8 of those, and definitely plays with all of them regularly.

The child hands the invitations to the teacher in the morning and they get put in their book bags, it isn’t obvious who has been invited and who hasn’t. That’s how all of the class parties have been done so far. Nobody else has invited the whole class either.

OP posts:

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 07/03/2022 01:50

There’s nothing wrong with inviting half the class - it’s not like just 1 or 2 have been left out. Half the class is probably all the boys, for example.

People really love to pick up and fixate on the non-point on here.

It’s probably a case of people just not having got around to RSVPing yet - very annoying.

Flatandhappy · 07/03/2022 07:53

It is a constant issue at primary school - late replies, no replies, people who didn’t reply showing up with a couple of siblings (I used to always make sure I had a couple of extra party bags - annoying but it’s hard to explain to young kids that they shouldn’t have been there in the first place so there was no party bag for them). So nice when kids get a bit older and doing something with a few friends becomes the norm. Meanwhile, I hope you get some more responses before the party.

Original poster

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 11:27

If I knew people would turn up without replying I wouldn’t be worried - as it happens it’s a flat rate for the party room so a couple of extras doesn’t bother me. It’s the possibility that literally nobody from school will come and he’ll be hurt. I’d rather cancel and just have his old friends round to our house, it would look less like DS has no friends from school.

The silly thing is he has loads of friends - but all on quite a superficial level and just plays with anyone who’s around. Not sure if that’s a boy thing or a four year old thing - up until last year he was still mostly parallel playing, whereas my friends with girls tend to have a core group of 4-6 friends. Which I suppose brings its own problems of in groups and out groups.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 07/03/2022 11:30

Do you have parents contact details for the kids you’ve invited?

Can you check with the teacher that the invites definitely got given out?

FujiIX · 07/03/2022 11:33

I’d assume the invites hadn’t gone out
Have you checked with the teacher?

RebeccaCloud9 · 07/03/2022 11:34

Can you check with the teacher that they got handed out? Do you have a class whats app group or similar where you can get the numbers of the parents? Ideally all, but even just one or two and ask if they got the invitation and if they are able to come? I think it's so so unlikely that all 15 school kids would have said no because they don't like him - it is much more likely to be a giving out issue.

I think inviting that many from a class is totally fine. Only no no would be inviting eg 28 out of 30.

RebeccaCloud9 · 07/03/2022 11:34

Ha, great minds!

ElliotGoss · 07/03/2022 11:35

OP I am feeling exactly the same. DD has never had a proper party either due to lockdowns. At Nursery I knew all the parents of her friends so it was easy where as now I don't know any. We have also moved to a slightly different area. I'm so worried no one will come to her party and she is so excited for it. I've started having sleepless nights and her party isnt till April. I wouldn't have given the invites out yet but she got one for the day after and I didn't want to risk an invite going out for the day of her party and everyone going to that instead!

BusinessMindThoughts · 07/03/2022 11:36

Nothing wrong with inviting half the class. Do you have any contact numbers at all for the school kids (from the class WhatsApp?) I'd pick a few of those a bit nearer the time and ask if they can make it.

Tbh i never get the "no-one replies " thing where I am - about 75% do, and I just send a friendly message to the others. Not had anyone turn up on the day. DC1 has only had 2 parties though and we live in a fairly small community!

Original poster

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 11:36

I have some contact details but not all of them - will send some texts to his best friends’ parents today. There is a class whatsapp but nobody really seems to use it, and there aren’t many people on it (the nursery Whatsapp group was really sociable).

DS says the invitations definitely went into children’s drawers, obviously I can’t know what they took them home, but that’s the same technique everyone else has used and we’ve received invitations with no problems.

I guess I just need to chase people, but I feel awkward about putting them on the spot if they don’t want to come - with adults, I’d assume no response meant no thanks

OP posts:

Pollyputthekettleon1975 · 07/03/2022 11:38

You will probably find you get a lot of last minute replies.
When my daughter was in Reception class, however, I invited the whole class (only a small village school) and was confused and disappointed when only 3 out of the 16 children accepted.
It turned out there was another child in the class with the same Birthday as my child (I had no idea as obviously I would have scheduled the party for a different day). The party was the exact same time as my daughter's.
Invitations were given out on the same day, and as most of the children already knew one another previously having gone to the same nursery (my daughter was a newcomer from a different nursery), most of them went to the other child's party, while the 3 close friends she had made came to hers (thankfully a traditional party at home - don't know what I would have done if I'd booked somewhere).

busyeatingbiscuits · 07/03/2022 11:40

Ask some of the parents if they have received the invite. If they can't come, that's fine.

As you haven't heard from anyone, I'd assume either the teacher forgot to hand them out or children haven't taken them home.

NoSquirrels · 07/03/2022 11:45

The child hands the invitations to the teacher in the morning and they get put in their book bags

DS says the invitations definitely went into children’s drawers, obviously I can’t know what they took them home

Just ask the teacher or TA to have a quick check. I’d start there. If none of the school parents have replied, it’s worth checking.

But also - 20th is still 2 weeks off. Don’t panic!

CatSpeakForDummies · 07/03/2022 11:45

About a week - but is there a day homework is due? If homework is due on a Tuesday, there will be a lot of people opening the bookbag for the first time this week tonight!

If your DS brings home everything from his tray in reception, I would think he was the exception rather than the rule. For the first three years of school, my DD would bring home about 3 whole class party invites on the last day of term when they cleared out their desks - some from 9 months or so ago. A few times she's been upset at being one of the only ones not invited.

Set up a WA group called "DSs birthday" and msg all the parents on that. That is the way things work in our classes, for parties that are not the whole class.

Original poster

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 11:49

@Pollyputthekettleon1975 that is exactly the kind of thing I’m worried about!

OP posts:

ChilliMum · 07/03/2022 12:04

It's a nightmare at this age. Like a pp suggested try and check with one of the parents if they did receive the invite.

My kids are older now but we have had numerous lost invites, some I found after the party screwed up at the bottom of the bag / coat pocket, some we never found the invite but luckily the parents grabbed me at drop off. We have had the same with our invites - a text from a parent saying their child says they are invited to the party but can't find invite / didn't receive and invite but one was sent etc..

It's possible there is another party the same day but when that has happened to us at least a couple of parents usually reply quickly as it's obviously a definite no.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/03/2022 12:11

Best response I had was putting it in an A4 brown envelope addressed to "The Parents of"

Calmdown14 · 07/03/2022 12:12

Are they sending other information home in physical format? Everything has gone online for our school so must admit to not really checking bags anymore

pitterpatterrain · 07/03/2022 12:14

Here people would usually just setup a new whatsapp group and add the relevant parents or ping them individually

Not sure the handing out of invites via school is always the most effective route

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