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Original poster

What am I doing wrong here? Reception party

84 replies

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 01:34

DS started in Reception in September, and really wanted a party this year - we haven’t been able to have one for the past two years as his birthday has fallen during lockdown. So, we hired a party room at the leisure centre, and invited his nursery friends and about half of his class about a week ago.

All of the nursery friends have accepted. Literally not a single response from the school friends. No refusals, no acceptances, literally not a word. Yes my contact details were on the invitations, and they were definitely handed out. Party is on 20th.

What the fuck is up with that? It is going to be so upsetting for DS if nobody from school comes. I don’t know many of the parents and haven’t really organised any play dates due to covid, which I assume is the problem. There’s a class Whatsapp but not many people on it - the whole school seems much more standoffish than nursery was. Is this normal for school parties?

OP posts:
Rooroobear · 07/03/2022 14:06

Yeh, it’s rude. My dd is having her party on the 20th too and all the parents have responded already (yr1)
If they turn up without having rsvp’d I would be inclined to say well I assumed you weren’t coming seen as you didn’t respond. It’s just basic manners

Rooroobear · 07/03/2022 14:10

I also sent invitations…..no WhatsApp group as we don’t all have each other’s numbers.

Original poster
ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 14:10

@Rosehugger

Not everyone has contact details to do this - especially when starting at a new school

Most schools have a class rep system and contact details will be voluntarily given and distributed, and/or a class whatsapp group set up these days . It was certainly difficult at nursery but once at school it was pretty easy to get in touch with other parents.

We don’t have that unfortunately - we found out there was a WhatsApp group just before Christmas, and there are about 15 people in it, out of a year group of 60. Lots of “does anyone have X’s parents’ number?” posts, so it obviously isn’t just me! I don’t think we have class reps, or if we do, they don’t make themselves known.

Honestly nursery was way easier. Very active Whatsapp, very active class reps. Lots of on site social events. I knew everyone’s parents there.

I agree paper is not as reliable as WhatsApp, but it seems to be the preferred method. All of DS’s party invites so far have been paper in the book bag.

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Original poster
ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 14:11

@Rooroobear

Yeh, it’s rude. My dd is having her party on the 20th too and all the parents have responded already (yr1) If they turn up without having rsvp’d I would be inclined to say well I assumed you weren’t coming seen as you didn’t respond. It’s just basic manners
My worry is that nobody will come! Extras are fine at this point.
OP posts:
ChildrenGrowingUpTooFast · 07/03/2022 14:12

In reception, kids are terrible at picking invites out from drawers and also terrible at telling parents they got an invite in their book bag. I think you'll get replies this weekend for a party two weeks later. It'll get better when they are older and you only invite their best friends.

Rainbowshine · 07/03/2022 14:18

If it’s like my son’s school, everyone is still in the midst of self isolation and trying not to catch Covid as it’s been rife. I know (before it turns into a thing) you don’t have to self isolate these days however as it’s a small school the head has asked for people to stay away if unwell and testing positive. Perhaps the parents are waiting to see what the situation is like in a week before saying yes. I also think it’s best to ask a few parents at pick up time discretely if they have had the invitation.

ChildrenGrowingUpTooFast · 07/03/2022 14:27

And I agree with others that you can't just send a whatsapp invite at this stage. The OP doesn't have contact details for all of kids in school. We are in year 2 post lockdown and we are getting paper invites. It's because we had no parties for the last two years. The trick is to start saving the parents phone numbers into your phone from the whatsapp group. Then you start building up a contact list for future years. One of my DC has a party in March too and I've sent both whatsapp and paper invites. The kids like an invitation card, but I know they get lost. I also don't have the phone number of one of the mums.

Good luck.

Miriam101 · 07/03/2022 14:31

Just the other day OP I got a text from a mother (who I’ve never met incidentally) checking whether we’d got invitation sent out before half-term that we’re supposedly out into trays. My kid had no idea about it and I’d certainly never seen it! Definitely try to track down the parents numbers on the WhatsApp group and even if they’re not all on there it’s likely someone will know a couple of the others and eventually you’ll get round everyone. Good luck! We have one next month and honestly I’m ridiculously stressed about it!!

TolkiensFallow · 07/03/2022 14:40

I’m in your boat OP!!!

I’ve invited the girls from DD’s reception class and have slowly had about 30% of responses. All of nursery have replied and like you we have a blended class which would make the class plus nursery friends about 60 kids!

I think, half the invites haven’t made it home but you need to know so try to cherry pick a few parents phone numbers from the WhatsApp and text them to check.

It’s a nightmare! To be honest I’d be happy if a few said no as I feel like there are too many anyway

Speach · 07/03/2022 14:44

I did birthday party for the first time this year, her tenth. I invited 25. 10 turned up. The rest didn't and I had no replies from anyone, it broke my daughters heart. Puts me off doing it again!

2Hot2Handle · 07/03/2022 14:51

Have you got a school Facebook group of parents? A lot of the parents at my DS’s school, send invites, but follow up with a post in the group too, asking for responses.

Rosehugger · 07/03/2022 15:50

I would start making my own contact list of parents then and saving numbers on my phone with their name and whose mum it is. Whenever I did party invites I made sure I had or got all the parents contacts as well. This was well before Whatsapp existed. Abd once you've done one party it will be much easier next time.

optimistic40 · 07/03/2022 18:50

I have found the same with my son's reception class. Nobody chats (well, one other mum does). When my older one started school in 2015 I knew all of the parents and we had a group on FB to arrange things for the children. I tried that with my son's class, but people aren't interested.

Could be covid
Could be just less friendly

... who knows?!

My son's birthday is next month and I don't know what to do about a party.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 07/03/2022 19:02

What is it with these - do you have a class Facebook / WhatsApp group - posts?

Surely if the OP has this means of contacting people, she’d have done it.

Plus - you can hardly post in an FB group about a birthday party that only some children have been invited to.

lollidream · 07/03/2022 20:15

I'd drop it in the WhatsApp group, you'll probably have people RSVP there and then. I think for some people they see the invite think they'll respond later and then it gets forgotten about. On the WhatsApp people tend to respond yes or no.

LemonDrizzles · 07/03/2022 20:29

I had similar. The workaround? Put only date and time on invite with your cell. Say you'd like to send details over text and for them to message you. Imagine you knew the nursery friends parents more intimately? Hope you have a lovely turn out and a lovely time

SheWoreYellow · 07/03/2022 20:36

@lollidream

I'd drop it in the WhatsApp group, you'll probably have people RSVP there and then. I think for some people they see the invite think they'll respond later and then it gets forgotten about. On the WhatsApp people tend to respond yes or no.
You can’t mention a party in a class chat that the whole class hasn’t been invited to.
DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 07/03/2022 21:20

I've just had the same problem with my reception DS. Invited 15 (all the boys)- 4 replies, one dropped out the day before and no word at all from everyone else- so bloody rude! Including DS and a couple of non- school friends we had 7. None of his 'best' friends. Thankfully DS was so excited at his first ever party he didn't really notice and had a fab time. And it was a cheap and cheerful soft play centre so I didn't resent paying for the missing kids- it was a sunk cost. I was sad though - I use wraparound care a lot so don't really see the other parents, no class whatsapp, no playdates and I really felt like I had let him down Sad

SartresSoul · 07/03/2022 21:29

My DD was invited to a party in year 1 and I had no idea until the Mum approached me asking whether she could attend. Honestly had no clue at all, never received the invite. If they get put in the children’s drawers there’s every chance they’re still in said drawers and the parents have no idea. I’d approach them and ask because it’s odd none of them have RSVP’d.

Legoninjago1 · 07/03/2022 21:32

I always do a WhatsApp group to invite. Can you set one up if their numbers are on a main year WA group?

Legoninjago1 · 07/03/2022 21:35

Oh sorry you've said it's not a good WA group. Can you text the ones whose numbers are there and nab the others in person? 15 isn't that many

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 07/03/2022 21:40

Did you ask them to respond asap/by certain date?

SparklingLime · 07/03/2022 21:45

That is so awful, @ChiefWiggumsBoy. So unfair. Hope they’ve had much better birthdays since.

50DaysAF · 07/03/2022 21:55

You can't post on the class WhatsApp chat if it wasn't a whole class invite!!!
Absolutely.

See if you can tell from their profile pictures or names which child belongs to which parent in the group and send the ones you are fairly friendly with a pm.

FWIW I always take a little while to reply because of the issue of having more then one child and trying to find something to occupy the others/making sure someone else can have them so I can take the child invited. Especially at 4/5 as you don’t tend to leave them at the party.

Halllyup17 · 07/03/2022 22:12

[quote girlmom21]@Halllyup17 but would you not respond and say "x would love to come but I need to sort childcare for y and will confirm her place ASAP" just as a courtesy? [/quote]
No, I wouldn't.