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Original poster

What am I doing wrong here? Reception party

84 replies

ReceptionParty · 07/03/2022 01:34

DS started in Reception in September, and really wanted a party this year - we haven’t been able to have one for the past two years as his birthday has fallen during lockdown. So, we hired a party room at the leisure centre, and invited his nursery friends and about half of his class about a week ago.

All of the nursery friends have accepted. Literally not a single response from the school friends. No refusals, no acceptances, literally not a word. Yes my contact details were on the invitations, and they were definitely handed out. Party is on 20th.

What the fuck is up with that? It is going to be so upsetting for DS if nobody from school comes. I don’t know many of the parents and haven’t really organised any play dates due to covid, which I assume is the problem. There’s a class Whatsapp but not many people on it - the whole school seems much more standoffish than nursery was. Is this normal for school parties?

OP posts:
Trampoline11 · 07/03/2022 12:22

I would check that the invitations have actually gone home. Reception drawers can be a tad messy and disorganised. As a TA I spent a morning contacting 12 ish parents as none of the invitations had arrived home. Would have been a very disappointed child if the parent hadn't checked.

spiderlight · 07/03/2022 12:22

If they've gone into The Drawers, they probably haven't made it home. The one time I sent DS in with invitations to hand out himself, I got no responses and every single parent I contacted had no idea about the party - all the invitations had disappeared into The Drawers, never to be seen again. Best to give them to parents directly in the playground.

OutdoorType · 07/03/2022 12:31

Agree with PP if there's any way you can grab a few of the relevant parents in playground or WhatsApp individual parents of DC he's particularly friendly with I would, but unfortunately this is fairly par for the course. People reply at the last minute or don't reply at all cos they're just rude busy.

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LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 07/03/2022 12:34

In our school the done thing was to create a “Jim-Bob’s party” WhatsApp group with the numbers of the relevant parents (assuming it’s not a whole class party) and then delete the group afterwards.

With paper invitations half of them won’t make it home. Bags aren’t always emptied properly etc. I’m astonished that the teacher even accepted the invitations in the first place; that would be firmly discouraged here.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 07/03/2022 12:41

It's the norm unfortunately.

When my twins were about ten we had a joint laser quest party - important to note that they were in different classes at the same school so different sets of friends. I saved up for that party as they invited about 12 friends each.

One twin had 8 friends show up and the other twin had one Sad only one parent declined, I don't think I got responses from most of them. I was really upset on behalf of the twin whose friends didn't come.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 07/03/2022 12:41

Sorry for the pity party overtaking your thread!

SheWoreYellow · 07/03/2022 12:44

Do you get a chance to speak to the parents? If so I’d just ask some if they got the invitation ok, as you don’t trust bits of paper/you know what your child is like with them.

girlmom21 · 07/03/2022 12:48

People are just rude. They know whether they can attend a party in two weeks time.

StrawberryLollipops · 07/03/2022 12:53

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Best response I had was putting it in an A4 brown envelope addressed to "The Parents of"
OMG! This is genius! OP - do this and send out another set of invites (same kids/same details obv.) I bet they will all reply pronto. Grin
nearlyspringyay · 07/03/2022 12:56

What time/ day is it? I would imagine at this point there is a clash with another party that your ds hasn't been invited to and no one wants to go first and say that.

Also bear in mind lots of kids are back into their activities eg swimming / football whatever that parents won't want to miss for a party.

Bunnycat101 · 07/03/2022 13:00

To be honest I think the bookbag method is the issue. We just tend to create WhatsApp groups for parties in my daughter’s class so all done via parents electronically. So much easier and no chance of invitations getting lost etc.

Halllyup17 · 07/03/2022 13:21

@Spottybotty20

Why only half the class? In our school it’s the done thing to invite everyone or just have a much smaller thing with 1/2.

How did you give out the invites? Have they definitely been received?

Because not everyone can afford to invite 30 kids, and they want a bigger party than 2. It's fine to invite half the class. It'd only be unkind to invite all but one or two.

OP, it's two weeks to the party, and entirely normal for parents not to reply so soon.

Halllyup17 · 07/03/2022 13:24

@girlmom21

People are just rude. They know whether they can attend a party in two weeks time.
Not necessarily. My daughter was invited to a party a few weeks ago and I needed to find childcare for my younger daughter before I knew whether she could attend. I suspect that's the case for many parents.
TheHoptimist · 07/03/2022 13:27

Are you sure they have gone out?
Most schools dont give out invitations unless there is 1 for every child.

Rosehugger · 07/03/2022 13:32

It's best not to hand out invitations at all but create a Whatsapp group and text everyone. Or do both. Paper invitations just get lost.

drpet49 · 07/03/2022 13:33

People are just rude. They know whether they can attend a party in two weeks time.

^This

Crunchymum · 07/03/2022 13:37

You can't post on the class WhatsApp chat if it wasn't a whole class invite!!!

By all means get any numbers of the parents of kids who have been invited from the chat and PM them.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 07/03/2022 13:37

@Rosehugger

It's best not to hand out invitations at all but create a Whatsapp group and text everyone. Or do both. Paper invitations just get lost.
Not everyone has contact details to do this - especially when starting at a new school.
girlmom21 · 07/03/2022 13:38

@Halllyup17 but would you not respond and say "x would love to come but I need to sort childcare for y and will confirm her place ASAP" just as a courtesy?

Rosehugger · 07/03/2022 13:40

When DDs were in reception the invitation had to get from their hand to the tray to the book bag via the childminder/grandparents. I can't tell you how many times we had to take time rounding up both shoes for school, never mind finding and responding to invitations which had plenty of chances to go astray between school and home.

Rosehugger · 07/03/2022 13:42

Not everyone has contact details to do this - especially when starting at a new school

Most schools have a class rep system and contact details will be voluntarily given and distributed, and/or a class whatsapp group set up these days . It was certainly difficult at nursery but once at school it was pretty easy to get in touch with other parents.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 07/03/2022 13:52

All schools operate differently, and I’m thinking if it was so easy for the OP to get in contact with parents that way, she would have done it.

Somethingsnappy · 07/03/2022 13:54

This happens in our school all the time. Invitations get lost or parents are forgetful. I think its perfectly fine to just send a stock message out to everyone invited, something along the lines of... 'hi everyone. Would it be OK to get RSVPs by (date) so that I can fill the gaps with other people if anyone can't make it?'
These kind of message go out all the time at our school, and usually prompt everyone to reply immediately! Smile

TomorrowsPrincess · 07/03/2022 13:56

Is it bollocks the 'done thing' to invite the whole class.
Like everyone can afford to accommodate 30 kids at a party 😂
Not everyone on Mumsnet is earning over £50K a year.

OP..... my daughter has a party on this Sunday and I'm still awaiting response from a few parents..... it's boiling my piss, I've limited her to a small number of friends and if they don't turn up, I want to fill the gaps with other kids she wanted to invite but couldn't.

busyeatingbiscuits · 07/03/2022 13:57

@Rosehugger

Not everyone has contact details to do this - especially when starting at a new school

Most schools have a class rep system and contact details will be voluntarily given and distributed, and/or a class whatsapp group set up these days . It was certainly difficult at nursery but once at school it was pretty easy to get in touch with other parents.

I have three school age children who between them have attended 4 different schools in 2 areas (house move) and none of those classes have had class reps or whatsapp groups.