Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

In what ways has your DH/DP exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend?

70 replies

YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 09:45

Inspired by recent threads...

How has your 'D'H/'D'P exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend? Or have they pulled their weight?

It's not been a bad weekend here, but we've had a couple of incidents that have annoyed me: leaving dirty washing next to the washing-machine rather than putting on a load (WHY, WHY, WHY?), not cooking dinner for DC as I'd asked while DC and I were out at the playground because 'I didn't know what you wanted me to make for them' and refusing to do bathtime because something DH was watching just had 'a few more minutes' until I gave up and did it myself. Not cleaning up after dinner while I was doing bathtime so I came down to dirty plates and a dirty kitchen - 'Oh, I didn't know you wanted me to do that. Let's do it together' . And lying in this morning because he's 'tired' after a late night - no shit Sherlock, that's why I went to bed at a decent time last night.

Has anyone else provided more than their fair share of unpaid childcare and domestic and emotional labour this weekend?

OP posts:

DropYourSword · 06/03/2022 09:51

He hasn't. Because we're a team. It astounds me the amount of relationships I read about on here that just aren't equal partnerships.

cdba88 · 06/03/2022 09:52

Gosh that sounds like you have another kid at home op. Why are some men so shit!!

Been fine here. He cleaned the entire downstairs top to bottom and to his credit, it's spotless.

I'm going out to cut the grass and tidy the garden up a bit today so that balances it out a bit.

thebear1 · 06/03/2022 09:56

He hasn't, it's probably me that has exploited him a bit this week as he has somehow ended up cooking all main meals. There are things I do which he doesn't and vice versa but generally I am happy with the split. Although I do do more of the thinking. Although he cooked I planned and purchased the food.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

NOTANUM · 06/03/2022 09:56

It's not been a bad weekend here, but we've had a couple of incidents that have annoyed me
I’m not going to lie; that sounds a bad weekend to me unless you’ve left out something huge like he worked a 12 hour shift or built a garden shed.

tiredanddangerous · 06/03/2022 09:59

He hasn't and he never would. Which is how it should be.

Original poster

YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 10:35

He's done some stuff. He made pancakes for breakfast yesterday and looked after DC while I was an an appointment in the morning. But it's all done with the air of one pulling a rabbit from a hat and then looking at me for applause - 'aren't I wonderful?'

I don't really want to be default any more. I don't want people to look at me and say 'where are my socks?', 'what's for dinner?', 'do we have any baked beans?' or 'where are we going today?'. Not when there's another (apparently) fully capable adult in the house. Half of this stuff shouldn't be my problem.

OP posts:

Itsbackagain · 06/03/2022 10:37

Probably loads but I don't think about it like that, I don't sweat the small stuff although some would call it abuse I don't. He makes up for it in other ways .

fungh · 06/03/2022 10:38

I'm still in bed after having breakfast in bed who also fed the dc & has now taken one out.

I will put a wash on soon though.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 06/03/2022 10:42

I think I've taken advantage of dh's free labour rather than him mine. I've done the usual, cooking, looking after ds, sorting the washing and general tidying.
But he's done a deep clean in the bathroom and kitchen and also vacuumed and steam mopped the house.

Buildingthefuture · 06/03/2022 10:51

He hasn’t. We decided to do an at home dinner party for just the two of us last night. I did starter and dessert, he did the main, sorted the wine, set the table and did all the clearing up.
He did have the potential to be a lazy git when I met him though (previous gfs had done everything) so I set my stall out early on. We both work the same hours, so why on Earth would I run around after him? I remember in the very early days him asking me why he didn’t have any clean pants…..I PMSL and said that in order for them to be clean, he would actually have to you know, WASH them?? He was shocked it’s fair to say, but he got the hang of it!! Give your DH a list and tell him, going forward, that those are HIS jobs. And leave him to it, don’t step in when he’s being intentionally useless.

spacehardware · 06/03/2022 10:54

What drop your sword said

purplemunkey · 06/03/2022 10:55

Sorry, not to rub it in OP but I'm another one ready to say 'he hasn't'. We've each done our fair share of running DC about, doing shopping/washing/chores. We each get a lie-in day on weekends too. Maybe you need to have a chat with DH?

dudsville · 06/03/2022 10:57

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's really important to recognise this isn't just the way things are. As a few posters say upthread, and to which I add, my partner hasn't exploited my good will. We work well together.

MunchyMonsters · 06/03/2022 10:58

Nope, took me out for dinner last night and is currently downstairs cooking a fry up (and will clean up after himself) while I lay in bed.

Foodcosts · 06/03/2022 11:00

Not at all, he's currently making me breakfast in bed.

Fernandina · 06/03/2022 11:02

I had a lie-in this morning and when I got up I discovered that dh had done a whole load of ironing, done the washing-up, emptied the bins and washed them out and fed the cats. He has found a supermarket money-off voucher for cleaning products (voucher expires today) and had made a list of things to buy. He's about to go shopping to get it.

Lazy git

Original poster

YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 11:04

@purplemunkey

I intend to.

It's beyond me how someone can think they do their fair share when they think it's ok to fetch their partner down from upstairs to locate the pancake pan or their jacket for them.

If I asked him where I had left my coat, I would get an extremely baffled look. "Why would I know?"

Why did I get landed with the "finder-in-chief" job in our household? I don't know where it is and I don't care either. Just sort it out.

OP posts:

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 06/03/2022 11:08

Quite an equal weekend overall. He took DD2 to both her sport events. He went to the tip and took DD2 as I was out with DD1 shopping for DD2s birthday. He ordered her a present online. He cooked one dinner, I'm cooking the other. He played chess with DD2.

However he's back to work this afternoon so I'm back to flying solo until next weekend.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/03/2022 11:11

I'd rather someone didn't just put on a random load because there might be something that doesn't go in that cycle/temp or maybe I want to put something in too .

And if I was watching something on TV , and it only had a couple of minutes I'd get mightily fecked off with someone asking me to do bathrime ( it can wait a couple of minutes surely )

There's another thread on here ( something like what Is It Only You Can Do ) .... Oh I;m the only one who can see mess/clean toilets/empty the dishwasher

I know its LightHearted but Jeez , don;t be such fecking Martyrs

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 06/03/2022 11:14

So far he's made two cups of tea and walked the dogs while I had a lie in.

Yesterday we had a tidy up. He walked the dogs. I made a cake, he made all the teas and coffees.

He did the shopping, I cooked dinner, he cleared up.

I don't feel exploited and I don't think he does exploited too.

MrsR87 · 06/03/2022 11:14

@purplemunkey

This! In fact, more recently I have been getting an extra hour in bed while DH takes DS down for some breakfast on the weekend as I’m in my first trimester of second pregnancy and feeling exhausted! We don’t have too many chores to do today but I will iron while DH looks after DS and then DH will cook tea while I look after DS. We wouldn’t do it any other way as we both work full time. To be perfectly honest, DH is probably doing more jobs at the minute as he is still working from home and will happily do a laundry load in his lunch hour or hoover a couple of rooms when he would usually be on his commute! Saves us so much time at the weekend and means we can do more as a family. It really upsets me on here when I see either partner royally taking the Micky!

spacehardware · 06/03/2022 11:15

FAOD my husband is not perfect. Sometimes when he does housework he doesn't do it "properly" but definitely not on purpose - I am a bit of a clean freak. The only person who reliably cleans as well as I consider cleaning is the lady we pay to do a deep clean once a fortnight. In between DH pulls his weight, but I do things more thoroughly than him. I don't think it's a gendered thing, it's just our natures.

What I don't do is then act the martyr and do it again myself.

spagbog5 · 06/03/2022 11:17

Mine hasn't either
He's looked after me yesterday as I felt really rough and did lots round the house while I laid on the sofa.
Feeling much better today after my coffee in bed x2 .
He's off to the golf range for an hour and is stopping for shopping on the way home.
We're a partnership and work together

MiddleParking · 06/03/2022 11:20

If I asked him where I had left my coat, I would get an extremely baffled look. "Why would I know?"

Why did I get landed with the "finder-in-chief" job in our household? I don't know where it is and I don't care either. Just sort it out.

Say that to him! Do you usually respond politely?

Duracellbunnywannabe · 06/03/2022 11:22

None. He took the toddler from me she woke up at 7, she wakes during the night and breastfeeds since having an ear infection she has been rejected DH during the night. He showered and I started batch cooking while the kids played. While I dyed my hair and faffed around he did breakfast, got the kids ready and played with the kids, tided up the breakfast dished and the stuff from when I put dinner in the slow cooker. He also stripped the kids beds and put them in the washing machine. Now he is having some time to himself while I sort out DD1 next sizes clothes and soon the DDs and I will do hone work.

Flip

1 2 3