Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

In what ways has your DH/DP exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend?

70 replies

YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 09:45

Inspired by recent threads...

How has your 'D'H/'D'P exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend? Or have they pulled their weight?

It's not been a bad weekend here, but we've had a couple of incidents that have annoyed me: leaving dirty washing next to the washing-machine rather than putting on a load (WHY, WHY, WHY?), not cooking dinner for DC as I'd asked while DC and I were out at the playground because 'I didn't know what you wanted me to make for them' and refusing to do bathtime because something DH was watching just had 'a few more minutes' until I gave up and did it myself. Not cleaning up after dinner while I was doing bathtime so I came down to dirty plates and a dirty kitchen - 'Oh, I didn't know you wanted me to do that. Let's do it together' Angry. And lying in this morning because he's 'tired' after a late night - no shit Sherlock, that's why I went to bed at a decent time last night.

Has anyone else provided more than their fair share of unpaid childcare and domestic and emotional labour this weekend?

OP posts:
TheBitchOfTheVicar · 06/03/2022 11:27

DH went out and stayed out overnight last night. Before he went he did the supermarket shop while I exercised with friends. I filled in some paperwork while DH watched football next to me, so I checked a couple of things with him.

Today I've done the washing, though tbf DD1 put a load on too. I started getting today's roast ready - we have visitors - and DH has taken over now that he's home. He usually does the roast while I do pudding and the dishwasher. He's on leave next week so I'm intending to leave today's dishes for him to do while I'm working tomorrow, which he will do without complaint (if I leave them for long enough!). We have both swept all the floors. I have not had to ask or remind DH about any of these things.

Overall we have a good balance and I have typed this out to remind myself, as I can tend towards the resentful martyr and looking at this post, I can see that I am unreasonable to think this!

Bunnymummy2 · 06/03/2022 11:32

He's got you well trained. As long as you keep doing he will just let you. Learn to say don't know when he asks where his
Stuff is. Leave his pile of washing beside the basket. Act dumb when he wonders where his clean socks/pants/jeans are. You aren't his mum.

plominoagain · 06/03/2022 11:32

None . I’m currently laying in bed as I did practically all day yesterday with a migraine and the after effects of it . So far he’s put the animals out , fed me tea and medication and marmite toast , and is now going out to do some chainsaw ing , far , far away from me .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
CrazyBaubles · 06/03/2022 11:44

In general I think we've been pretty fair this weekend - I cleaned the kitchen and conservatory, he did the garden, bathrooms and walked the dog. Today he'll Hoover and I'll mop. I cooked breakfast yesterday, he did tea.

I have lost my rag had some words today about him leaving some stuff around with what I feel is the expectation that I'll clear it which is unusual for him.

Also OP, my DH used to ask me where things are / what's for tea / do we have XYZ and I got rid of that by telling him he was being ridiculous and also by just answering "I don't know" and refusing to help find out.
That was years and years ago now but the problem is long gone.

Regularsizedrudy · 06/03/2022 11:53

Yesterday he did lots of diy and cleaned up while I had a nice day with my mum and today he’s taking me out for lunch.
Seriously if what you described is “not a bad weekend”… I just despair

NAME3CHANGE · 06/03/2022 11:59

Not too bad this weekend at all.

I do tend to do a little bit more overall, but he works 50 hours a week and i do 25 so its fair really.

The weekend he vacuumed the lounge and took the rubbish out, then did a 10 hour aldi shift , bringing back a small list of shopping (i did have to text this , he wouldn't have thought it on his own)

This morning he made bacon butties then took the kids out to football (including a nephew) .

If im honest it me being lazy today. Done a wash load , and started mucking out youngests room .

Did have a rubbish few hours with the kids yesterday afternoon, behaviour was awful. I was quite envious of him at work

AlisonDonut · 06/03/2022 12:03

Mine is away, picking him up in a few hours.

If he was here had have done 2 loads of washing, some weeding, some digging, sorted the dishwasher out, made the coffees, brought more wood in, and have thanked me for mending the window ledge. Because he isn't a lazy fucker.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/03/2022 12:04

Pretty equal here. He had dc yest while I was at work. I made tea, he did bedtime. I did swimming lesson and nipped to the shop this morning. He's having DC again whilst I'm out this aft. This is pretty normal in terms of fairness though I am usually not out both days!

We make a good team on the whole.

MrMrsJones · 06/03/2022 12:08

@DropYourSword

He hasn't. Because we're a team. It astounds me the amount of relationships I read about on here that just aren't equal partnerships.
I totally agree with this.

DH is on a course this morning, I have tidied the house and done the washing.

He will come home and take the dogs out and cook tea.

A marriage is a partnership

Pyewhacket · 06/03/2022 12:11

I think you need to lose the attitude.

cornflakedreams · 06/03/2022 12:12

Why did I get landed with the "finder-in-chief" job in our household?

Because you dance when he clicks his fingers:

until I gave up and did it myself

He's using you and manipulating you (which people who love you don't do) - stop bloody letting him.

Etinoxaurus · 06/03/2022 12:14

@DropYourSword

He hasn't. Because we're a team. It astounds me the amount of relationships I read about on here that just aren't equal partnerships.
First response is practically word for word what I was going to post! I have a tongue in my head and he’s a functioning adult.
Babysharkdoodoodood · 06/03/2022 12:27

We have an unspoken division of labour. I cook, he washes up. He does the cleaning, while I'm shopping.
I do the laundry and he irons his stuff and my uniform. I iron anything else of mine.
He has mild ocd and can't stand dirt so I leave him to it with clear instructions NOT to throw my stuff out but leave it for me to put away.

Couldn't be doing with working and all the cleaning as well.

Dembones292 · 06/03/2022 12:30

My DH is ace. I'm full of cold, he's left mè in bed and cracked on with the food shop,walked the dog and hoovered through. In fact he does more than me around the house.

FreezyFreezy · 06/03/2022 12:32

He's been out more than normal this weekend leaving me to look after the children etc but he does everything during the week when I'm at work so it's fine. He more than pulls his weight at home and doesn't take advantage of me.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 06/03/2022 12:34

Erm. He hasn't. But I have. He's made chapatis, done a load of washing and just brought me chai and a chapati. I'm working today and so far he brought me breakfast, coffee, chai then this chapati and chai and later on he's going to hang the clothes.

I feel guilty now!

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/03/2022 12:36

Not at all. He's just hoovered, I've hung the washing up. He did the shopping yesterday, I made his favourite soup and our sons favourite dinner. We both tidied our bedroom. All very normal. Now my ex, he was just like your husband. I deserved better.

FrecklesMalone · 06/03/2022 12:36

Friday night I cooked and looked after kids while he went to the pub.
Saturday we went out together, he walked dogs I went to an exercise class, he cooked tea and I went out until 4am. He got up, made me breakfast and will cook a roast. We both work full time but during the week I do most the cooking because he's back late, he does it at the weekends.
There is no way I never married him if it wasn't fair.

LBOCS2 · 06/03/2022 12:41

It's been fairly equal this weekend - on Friday DH went to get DSS so I had the DDs, then we all had time together. Yesterday morning I did dentist appointments and breakfast for the smalls, but then I swanned off out at 1pm and returned at midnight, so he had the DC all day. He's done all of the uniform laundry and although I know he got pizza delivered for dinner last night, he mostly cooks in the week while I collect the DC from after school care so it's an even trade off.

Today I'm taking the DDs out for the afternoon while he takes DSS back to his Mum's.

Shesmyperson · 06/03/2022 12:43

We don't exploit eachother.

We both do things around our own house.

TheScenicWay · 06/03/2022 12:48

yesterday I had a day out with my friends and dh did some work, was around for dcs, took them to activities and looked after them (they’re over 9 so don’t need much attention) and sorted out food for them.
Today he’s made me coffee but I made breakfast for everyone and put some laundry in. He’s working all day so I’ll cook dinner as well.
I wouldn’t stand for being taken advantage of constantly. There has to be give and take.

Lyricallie · 06/03/2022 12:58

Another who has had a nice weekend with my DH. We don't have kids but we do have a relatively new puppy. He took him out for a couple of hours so I could get on with some uni work. We both hung up a load of washing. He made brunch. I'm now entertaining the puppy whilst he chills and then we'll go out for another dog walk, and he's offered to make homemade yorkshire puddings for dinner tonight (which he will probably also cook) whilst I meal plan for the week.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 06/03/2022 12:59

I've been unwell amd was up through the nights so he insisted I sleep in yesterday, and sorted all 4 kids he did breakfasts, I did lunch then we ordered in. He cleaned did washing and dishes and made sure I was okay constantly checking if I needed food or a drink or medicine and loads of love. I absolutely hate him doing household stuff but he does it all with a smile. Rest up yesterday got me feeling so much better so today is all me but he's still trying to help out

KitKattaktik · 06/03/2022 13:04

We've both been unwell, he's better than I am at the moment but he's been out, got the wood for the burner, laid the fire, done all the washing up, put a wash on, brought me tea, tucked me up on the settee and is being the usual star that he is.

PennyDeFuckwit · 06/03/2022 13:13

DH does way more than me. My jobs are laundry and beds, general life and home admin, sorting the dogs, loading/emptying the dishwasher, and earning a salary. He does EVERYTHING else.

I just asked him if he felt exploited and he asked me what the fuck I was banging on about, before disappearing outside to wash the car while I do my nails and listen to an audiobook.

He'll cook later, if I'm feeling energetic I'll peel some spuds.