Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

In what ways has your DH/DP exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend?

70 replies

YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 09:45

Inspired by recent threads...

How has your 'D'H/'D'P exploited your unpaid labour so far this weekend? Or have they pulled their weight?

It's not been a bad weekend here, but we've had a couple of incidents that have annoyed me: leaving dirty washing next to the washing-machine rather than putting on a load (WHY, WHY, WHY?), not cooking dinner for DC as I'd asked while DC and I were out at the playground because 'I didn't know what you wanted me to make for them' and refusing to do bathtime because something DH was watching just had 'a few more minutes' until I gave up and did it myself. Not cleaning up after dinner while I was doing bathtime so I came down to dirty plates and a dirty kitchen - 'Oh, I didn't know you wanted me to do that. Let's do it together' Angry. And lying in this morning because he's 'tired' after a late night - no shit Sherlock, that's why I went to bed at a decent time last night.

Has anyone else provided more than their fair share of unpaid childcare and domestic and emotional labour this weekend?

OP posts:
FurbleSocks · 06/03/2022 13:13

@YearofthePatio

He's done some stuff. He made pancakes for breakfast yesterday and looked after DC while I was an an appointment in the morning. But it's all done with the air of one pulling a rabbit from a hat and then looking at me for applause - 'aren't I wonderful?'

I don't really want to be default any more. I don't want people to look at me and say 'where are my socks?', 'what's for dinner?', 'do we have any baked beans?' or 'where are we going today?'. Not when there's another (apparently) fully capable adult in the house. Half of this stuff shouldn't be my problem.

If the DC come to me (e.g. in a different room) and ask me a question their DF could have answered if only they'd asked him (e.g. in the same room as them) I say 'Is there someone who's closer who could answer that question?' Or if I'm in the middle of something (e.g. loading the washing machine) I would say 'Is there someone less busy who can answer that for you?'

I am their default parent but I'm pushing it back and now DH steps in when they bypass him and says 'I can answer that for you'.

DH using me as Google is another matter...

WhiteCatmas · 06/03/2022 13:16

My DH built up a vast amount of personal laundry. When I asked why he hadn’t mentioned it or done anything about it, he said I had other things on.
For some reason it never occurred to him TO DO HIS OWN FUCKING LAUNDRY.
Does that help OP?

peboh · 06/03/2022 13:18

DH has pulled his weight, as he does every weekend.
I don't get why people put up with their partners doing the bare minimum or less)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
FurbleSocks · 06/03/2022 13:21

I too am chief finder and my 'fines' for finding people's items are increasingly high to the extent they are beginning to actually look rather than merely move their eyes around a room.

This week DD wanted some items for World Book Day. I told her the most likely places and she insisted they weren't in any of them.

I found them in the second place I suggested. She disputed the fine (tidying the entire playroom) but did it eventually.

SpinsForGin · 06/03/2022 13:22

It's been ALL on me this weekend because he worked late Friday, was out with his friends all day yesterday and is at the football today.
However, I'm out all next weekend so the roles will be reversed.

Normal weekends are far more equal - as they should be.

vbnm89 · 06/03/2022 13:25

Mine has spent most of yesterday cleaning the house top to bottom as he does every weekend to then get irked when one of the children leaves a sock on the landing or drips water on the kitchen floor when getting a drink. He has then started cleaning again today which isn't necessary as house is still gleaming from yesterday. He loves the house - hates the kids because they mess up his beautiful clean house,. He refused to look after the kids last night - I went out anyway!!! He does all the housework but no childcare!

NowEvenBetter · 06/03/2022 13:25

Don’t understand why some women choose to serve men just for the sake of having a boyfriend/husband. Do better.

Original poster
YearofthePatio · 06/03/2022 13:33

@WhiteCatmas

My DH built up a vast amount of personal laundry. When I asked why he hadn’t mentioned it or done anything about it, he said I had other things on. For some reason it never occurred to him TO DO HIS OWN FUCKING LAUNDRY. Does that help OP?
It's odd, isn't it? Almost as if there's a little magic house elf you never see who does all this stuff.

I wonder about the reasoning that leads someone to put a plate on the side rather than in the dishwasher. Do they think it is going to grow legs and walk its walk into the dishwasher?

OP posts:
vbnm89 · 06/03/2022 13:44

All joking aside I would love it if my DH stopped doing bloody laundry, cleaning, scrubbing, hoovering, washing up, sorting kitchen cupboards, dusting. I often shout at him "you are a man- you arent expected to bloody clean" !!!! It is great as I don't have to worry about the house but it is constant and with kids we cannot live in a show home. He is now washing both the cars and will spend probably another 3 hours making sure they are sparkling. He is making me and the kids get the bus to a party later this afternoon as we can't use the cars as they will be clean and they will get dirty again!!!!!!

pawpaws2022 · 06/03/2022 13:46

Just tell him
I'm "mum" at work and get "we don't have any milk"
I said "do I look like Asda? No. Go find some then" and it stopped

spacehardware · 06/03/2022 14:15

"I often shout at him "you are a man- you arent expected to bloody clean" !!!!"

Sorry what

nancybotwinbloom · 06/03/2022 16:07

We do it together. I do must of it through the week as I wfh but he still pulls his weight by taking dd to her clubs.

Today we tidied up together, he did most of it and I batch cooked some shepherds pie, bolagnaise and chicken in garlic sauce for the freezer.

He also empties the dishwasher every morning and does most of the laundry of a weekend.

It's just a nice balance, he wouldn't want me to do everything same as I wouldn't want him to.

coffeeiwish · 06/03/2022 16:11

He hasn't.

Frankola · 06/03/2022 16:52

Our kitchen, garage and hallway got flooded yesterday so DH dealt with all of that. I even let him have a lay in this morning because of it Grin

Etinoxaurus · 06/03/2022 17:13

@YearofthePatio
“I wonder about the reasoning that leads someone to put a plate on the side rather than in the dishwasher. Do they think it is going to grow legs and walk its walk into the dishwasher?”
Having smugly upthread said I have a tongue in my head and married to a grown up DH has just done this.
I riffed hilariously for minutes about how the dishwasher isn’t like a charging mat, you have to put the plate in it, not on it. I sometimes think he pulls his weight just to avoid my stand up routine when he doesn’t.

MadMadMadamMim · 06/03/2022 17:19

@MiddleParking

If I asked him where I had left my coat, I would get an extremely baffled look. "Why would I know?"

Why did I get landed with the "finder-in-chief" job in our household? I don't know where it is and I don't care either. Just sort it out.

Say that to him! Do you usually respond politely?

In the early days of our relationship I bellowed at my (now) DH I have a First class honours degree and a PHD. What makes you think I'm the fucking SOCK MONITOR?

It surprised him considerably, but has meant that he never again asked me where his clean socks were.

He has more than pulled his weight this weekend as normal. Set clear expectations and boundaries would be my advice.

cornflakedreams · 06/03/2022 20:01

I often shout at him "you are a man- you arent expected to bloody clean" !!!!

Wtf? What a wonderfully sexist bit of modelling for your kids.

NatMoz · 06/03/2022 20:25

Fairly equal here. We both went and took our 3 month old daughter swimming. I packed the bags ready.

On return, I made batch soup for lunchtime meals, he went to the garage to do DIY while baby slept.

He went to the local train station to photograph a steam train go by (photography is his hobby).

On his return I went for a run while he bathed the baby.

He put a wash on and put it in the dryer. I took clothes from dryer later and put it away.

Fairly equal I suppose.

ABitBesotted · 06/03/2022 20:34

He washed and dried the laundry, I ironed it.

I cooked. He usually cleans up but didn't every time as he fell asleep early on Saturday, was running a temperature. I put him to bed with some Lucozade.

I bathed Dc, he did storytime.

I tended to the dog, he tended to the Dc while I did so.

We split trips to the supermarket/chemist equally.

ABitBesotted · 06/03/2022 20:40

@vbnm89

All joking aside I would love it if my DH stopped doing bloody laundry, cleaning, scrubbing, hoovering, washing up, sorting kitchen cupboards, dusting. I often shout at him "you are a man- you arent expected to bloody clean" !!!! It is great as I don't have to worry about the house but it is constant and with kids we cannot live in a show home. He is now washing both the cars and will spend probably another 3 hours making sure they are sparkling. He is making me and the kids get the bus to a party later this afternoon as we can't use the cars as they will be clean and they will get dirty again!!!!!!
He sounds abusive. You and your children are suffering from his controlling cleanfreakery. Seriously, I'd leave.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page