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Original poster

Have or do your parents help you financially?

117 replies

Jazzcafecoffee · 05/03/2022 10:12

Most of my friends have had financial help from their parents or in-laws, some have had substantial help like deposits for a house and others are given cash gifts every now and

OP posts:
sofakingcool · 05/03/2022 12:06

They treat us a fair bit - pay for meals out etc and gave us a lump sum towards moving house - none of this we needed, they just wanted to do it

We don't get money generally, but it isn't needed anyway. They've always said they'd want us to say if we were ever short. I would always be a little bit reluctant though TBH, my parents are lovely, but they often over step the mark and have used monetary things as a way of keeping hold if that makes sense, which doesn't sit well with DH or I. It's a shame, as I think they mean well, it's just difficult.

squidsin · 05/03/2022 12:07

No. I’ve not been supported by them financially since I was 18, or had any help, apart from when I got engaged when they gave us £10k towards a deposit or the wedding. They are financially very comfortable but have always made it clear that my sister and I can’t expect any financial support from them. I think my brother has had help with a deposit though.

Figgygal · 05/03/2022 12:09

Yes they paid some of our wedding, some towards a house deposit, used to hand over bundles of cash pre retirement when running a lucrative business. Not since retirement really but that's fine it was never expected.

NewYearNewMinty · 05/03/2022 12:12

Yes, although generally on their terms and I certainly don't get to forget it.

Donut22 · 05/03/2022 12:12

Yes and I'm very grateful. Wouldn't have anything like we do now if it wasn't for my parents.

xxKatie9806xx · 05/03/2022 12:13

Never. I was buying my own clothes etc from when I first started working at 14. Bought my own driving lessons, car, paid for our own wedding…own house. They just couldn’t afford to.

ButteryNuts · 05/03/2022 12:14

Not in the form of cash gifts. I'm still allowed to live at home in my 20s, but I pay for all my own food/toiletries/products plus board to them as opposed to it being free lodging. It's cheaper than renting a place by myself so I can save despite being low income.

WalkingOnSonshine · 05/03/2022 12:16

We got 5k from each set of parents for our wedding. Both sets did the same for our other siblings who are married.

I also got 10k from my dad when he retired as he got a lump sum final salary pension. It’s just sat in my savings. No idea if I’ll get the same from my mum, although she has given some to my sister.

I think both sets feel guilty that they give free weekly childcare to our nieces & nephews as well as regular night out babysitting. We live nowhere near family, so don’t get that tangible support ourselves.

Libraryghost · 05/03/2022 12:19

No financial help whatsoever because they have never been in a position to, I am actually glad. It’s made me strive harder and made me incredibly resourceful. I stand on my own two feet and owe nobody nothing,

ukborn · 05/03/2022 12:21

Yes - my parents worked hard and were happy to help us when they could.
They helped pay my university tuition (in the US so about £6k a year in the 80s) and living then, though I worked for spending money. They gave me the deposit on my first flat back in the 80s, gave me £5k towards an extension in the 90s. We went on one big family holiday in my 20s and they paid for me and my sisters. Then they gave me some money towards my wedding, though my husband paid for about 70% of it. And throughout the years if they'd had some extra they gave some to me and my sisters, so every few years we might get £5k. My husband was a high earner so not since I was married of course (he died when our kids were small).
I'll help my kids with deposits on their first properties - neither are going in to well paid professions. And I'll be leaving them a decent amount when I die - not life changing, but a bit of a cushion if they are smart with it. I don't see a better way of using my money than helping the people I love most.

Isgooglebroken · 05/03/2022 12:22

Nope.
No help. In fact us siblings are often having to give hand outs to our -long divorced-parents! We aren’t even well off, just less skint than our parents it seems.

mowglika · 05/03/2022 13:24

My parents paid for my wedding but nothing else in terms of financial help. My DH and I support both sets of parents financially now. He also paid for his siblings weddings and helped them with deposits. Would be great to get some help now but we’ve always managed ourselves. We both love and appreciate our parents even though they could never really help us financially and are glad we are in a position to support them now.

RubyJam · 05/03/2022 13:33

No , no help financially

I’ve bought my own homes each time with zero parental money ( first home was in the days of 100% mortgage ).

No cash gifts outwith Xmas or birthday

I get £20 maybe for birthdays in a card or toiletry or perfume for Xmas.

I would never ask for money
One parent only works one day a week minimum wage
Other parent is retired

Not expecting any sort of inheritance as both are remarried and houses will go to partners

So basically just work and pay for everything ourselves with zero prospect of future cash

Honestly mindblown at some of the financial support others get

watchtheglitterdustswirl · 05/03/2022 13:38

Yes they do. My in laws, anyway. We bought our own houses in our late twenties (with no help) but now DHs parents want to see us (and our children) use their inheritance whilst they're still around to see the enjoyment/security it brings. They have excess cash from their own inheritances that they don't need because they are mortgage free on two properties and have their own separate savings that is set aside in case they need care in their elderly years.

So now, every so often they put a significant lump sum into our bank account. We don't discuss it with people, or fritter it/use it to live the high life we use it to every year pay the maximum over payment that we can on our mortgage (we sold our own houses and bought our family home together before we married and had the children). We've also used it for some home improvements. The rest of it remains in savings.

We will likely sell this house and buy our forever home in the next few years and the nest egg we have will be used to go from a 4 bed semi on a housing estate to a similar sized detached house in a nice village locally.

We're late thirties/early forties.

cptartapp · 05/03/2022 13:53

My widowed DM paid for half our wedding. Wealthy PIL contributed nothing.
They gave SIL a £10k house deposit. DH, again got nothing.
The money piles up. Sitting there, doing nothing whilst they live in cold on the cheap.

Robloxia · 05/03/2022 13:56

I've been lucky enough to have parents who can afford to help us financially when we've needed it. I've felt like shit when they've had to, but my mum's parents helped them out and their parents helped them out and so forth. I don't rely on my parents by any means but I was brought up that family help whenever and wherever they can

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/03/2022 13:59

My mum has helped me a lot over the years, she helped me with my house deposit and gave me some money towards a car when my old one died.

She also helps if my dd needs something big like a new coat or a school trip.

I'm a single parent and appreciate I'm very lucky.

When my dd is an adult I'd hope to be able to do the same.

AuntieMarys · 05/03/2022 14:02

No.
But I have helped dd with house deposit. I can afford to. Better she has it now than when I'm dead.

SpaghettiSquash · 05/03/2022 14:10

No. My parents are comfortable but I've never expected them to support us. They paid for my hall fees for my first year at uni but after that I paid for everything. They gave us £1000 towards our wedding.

We're instilling the same values in our dc. They need to stand on their own two feet and not expect to be helped out.

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 05/03/2022 14:11

@WouldIwasShookspeared

No. It's been the other way round. Over the years they had many many thousands out of me. Their money management was always awful and their priorities fucked up.
This ^
bellsbuss · 05/03/2022 14:11

We get gifted money from both sides regularly, they have both said they want to see us enjoying it whilst they are still alive.

Babyroobs · 05/03/2022 14:39

@hobstey

I don't think it's bad to have help but obviously it entrenches inequality as for many young people their own chances to have a home will be more dependent on whether their parents can & are willing to help them out as wages have been so devalued.
I think even things like helping kids with driving lessons and first car can help them so much. My ds is doing an apprenticeship and all of a sudden half way through he has to travel to a city an hour and a half away on a couple of days a week away. He is lucky that he passed his test early and we helped him with his first car, as I think another young person without this help would probably have had to give up the apprentice. I really feel for kids who have no help with things like this, job opportunitites are very limited if you live in the middle of nowhere and have no transport.
Babyroobs · 05/03/2022 14:41

Hope all these older people have left enough to pay for their care in old age ! Is there not a limit as to how many thousands you can give away ?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 05/03/2022 15:00

My ddad puts money each month into an account in my name but has made it very clear that there's no inheritance, this money is it. Tbh I just save it but I know it's been a godsend to my Dsis when her dc were tiny and she was struggling.

sh22 · 05/03/2022 15:01

Yes, lots of help from both parents and in-laws. Between them they gave us £20,000 towards our wedding. My parents gave me a £20k deposit for my first flat. When we moved in-laws gave us £200,000 which allowed us to buy our dream home and still keep the flat as a rental property. We've received £50,000 from each set of parents and my parents give us a few thousand every year. We were also each bought a car by parents and had our driving lessons paid for. We are both aware how extremely lucky we are for this and are very grateful for all the help. Both sets of parents are millionaires which allows them to give us the help. We never ask for anything from them.

My sister on the other hand is constantly borrowing money off my parents and has never had any savings or contingency fund, despite being a higher rate tax payer.

I doubt we'll be able to do as much for our children as we'll never be millionaires but hopefully we can get them their first cars and some money towards a house deposit

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