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Have or do your parents help you financially?

117 replies

Jazzcafecoffee · 05/03/2022 10:12

Most of my friends have had financial help from their parents or in-laws, some have had substantial help like deposits for a house and others are given cash gifts every now and

OP posts:
alwayswrighty · 05/03/2022 11:37

Yes I have after multiple redundancies and a couple of financially crippling relationship breakdowns.

I'm an only child of an only child and my parents and grandparents did quite well for themselves so they've never given what they can't afford and I've never asked for anything from them. I've offered to pay them back as always worked hard but their answer has always been that I'll get it in the end anyway.

Feel bad for my parents really. They've spent their retirement looking after Nan and not enjoying their retirement and now Mums not well enough to.

PlanetNormal · 05/03/2022 11:37

No, never. My parents are ordinary working class people who scrimped and saved to buy their council house, in which they still live. I was the first person in my family to go to university and then into a reasonably well paid career. They were never in a position to subsidise me, and I would never have accepted if they had offered.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 05/03/2022 11:39

Yes, we are very lucky to have received and continue to recieve financial help from both sets of parents.
My siblings have also had significant financial help from my parents. My mother in law has more money than she knows what to do with and really likes to help us with big purchases. My parents are more into investments so have helped us with that.

Els1e · 05/03/2022 11:41

No, never helped financially but have given me a bloody good meal when I’ve needed it.

Blurp · 05/03/2022 11:42

Yes. My grandparents' house was left to my mum, but when they died she passed it on to my sister and I because she could see that it would benefit us. We grew up with very little spare cash - not absolute poverty, but no luxuries or anything. I think my parents were glad to be able to give us a helping hand onto the property ladder (it was at the stage when prices were really starting to shoot up).

They don't generally give us money now, although at one stage when I was having a rough time, made redundant, very depressed, they paid to redecorate my bedroom, which was really nice of them, and they took my sister on holiday as well. They have also given us their old cars a couple of times - not massively expensive ones, but for example when DS was born I was driving an 18 year old car, and my dad gave me his (10 year old one) and got himself a new one.

When my sister had a run of things breaking (boiler, washing machine and some kind of fuse box thing) they gave us £1000 each just to help out with bills.

None of us has loads of money, but they feel like they have enough to see them through and they wouldn't want to see their children and grandchildren struggling or going without heat when they have a decent amount of savings.

We've always been expected to be independent and sensible with money, which we have been, so I think they also see that we're not just going mad with it and will genuinely use it well.

qualitygirl · 05/03/2022 11:42

Both sets of parents contributed towards our wedding.

Our dc have trusts set up by the grandparents too which will help them out massively. We save the child benefit each month for them too though.

But we have always been high earners and when we lived abroad tax free we saved up to buy our first house outright (this has allowed us to always be mortgage free.

Although lately my dh's parents have had investments etc pay out and they have been giving us the money to invest/use as they want it out of their estate

dworky · 05/03/2022 11:44

This question is so often asked on here.
The fact is that the great majority of people are not helped financially because the working-class are generally not in a position to do so.
The ones you hear about are in the minority.

BirdOnTheWire · 05/03/2022 11:46

@marieantoinehairnet

No, I'm An adult and responsible for my own life choices
This is MN bingo on these threads. Did they offer and you refused?

Mine gave me nothing, in fact I subsidised them financially from being 18.
Fast forward to my own DC and I have given them lump sums for homes and never charged them rent for living at home. Because I can afford to and because I want to.

They are fully functioning adults with good careers who are responsible for their own life choices.

nearlyspringyay · 05/03/2022 11:47

No. My mum got shafted.

Work and own your own

TacoCats · 05/03/2022 11:47

No. They are pretty well off As well but I don't mind I don't want to sponge off them.

user1487194234 · 05/03/2022 11:51

In-laws give us about 5k a year
We could manage without it but it's nice to have

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/03/2022 11:51

Not a penny since I was 18. I was lucky enough to get a full grant for uni though. Parents not well off at all.

70kid · 05/03/2022 11:52

I gave my son my share of my late parents houses worth around 200k so that he can get a house - flat even with that he will still need to get a mortgage if he wants to stay in his home city
I bought him his first car and paid for driving lessons
When he goes on holiday or away for the weekend I often give him some cash to spend

Mrsmch123 · 05/03/2022 11:52

We were gifted our house deposit by husband's grandparents. They also bought two cars outright for for us. We were eternally grateful for it. They also left us a large lump sum of money in there will. They wanted us to had a good life as they brought my husband up and treated him like their son.

hobstey · 05/03/2022 11:53

We save the child benefit each month for them too though.

But we have always been high earners

How can you be a high earner & get child benefit?

PinkBuffalo · 05/03/2022 11:54

No, unlike lots of my friends
My dad died a few years ago and my mum in a nursing home at a very young age due to severe progressive disabilities
It can be a real struggle living by your own, single Lowish wage, no family at all not even a partner when in you 30s

Ringmaster27 · 05/03/2022 11:56

Mine helped me with the deposit for my rented house when my marriage ended. I am paying them back, but without that help, I’d have been totally screwed.

Noisyprat · 05/03/2022 11:57

Yes, they lent me the first deposit for my house which I paid back. They havent given any what I would call large sums however do occasionally give £1k for birthday/christmas.

I will be helping my children by supporting them through uni and, when the time comes, with a deposit from a house. I will do this even though they will be functioning adults. Why? because I want to give them the money now, whilst I am alive so I can see them enjoy it. What's the point of dying with £££ in the bank and potentially having to pay IHT!

I appreciate that it's much harder if you don't have money given to you and it is admirable to build everything for yourself. However this doesn't mean that giving to your children isn't making them responsible or 'functioning grown adults'.

Northernsoullover · 05/03/2022 12:00

My mum is giving me 200 towards my new sofa. Does that count? Grin I'm only joking. I know people don't even have that to spare. What does annoy me is that both my brothers were gifted a few k when they got married. I'm unlikely to get married. Hey ho.

GaiusHelenMohiam · 05/03/2022 12:01

ILs give us a few thousand every year as a gift (something to do with estate planning/inheritance tax. They also put money into the kids savings.

My parents helped all my siblings with deposit loans but we didn’t need the help. They often treat us to dinner or days out.

I will help my kids out as much as possible, DS is at Uni so we send him odd bits of cash and DD gets pocket money to top up her part time wages.

Classicblunder · 05/03/2022 12:02

Yes, they gave us a house deposit - a large one that really helped us out. My parents come from a culture where you do that if at all possible.

We get zero help with childcare though - I think those who do get help with childcare don't realise how much it saves them. Not just day time childcare but also evening babysitting we have paid for.

I'm not complaining, I am very grateful for the help we have had but I don't think people realise the ££ they save on childcare if their parents help with that

qualitygirl · 05/03/2022 12:03

@hobstey sorry, we are in Ireland

notacooldad · 05/03/2022 12:03

No. My dad lent me £10 once when I was in absolute dire straits. He asked for it back the following week.

smorgasbords · 05/03/2022 12:05

Yes. My parents paid for two degrees outright for me so I didn’t have to take out student loans or work during study, then my Dad died when I was 22 and my Mum used some of the money he left us to give a substantial (40% deposit in the south west) deposit for a house. She also gave us her old car and has taken me and my partner on some amazing holidays, as well as giving us money for our wedding. I am incredibly lucky, I don’t know where I’d be without my parents help. But there are some really clear reasons for this - I’m an only child, my Dad was a much older parents who was in a very good job with a final salary pension and also he died whilst still relatively young for this day and age, from a very rare cancer. I do feel very grateful for what I have but I’d always rather have my Dad back.

TedMullins · 05/03/2022 12:06

My mum has in the past given me a few hundred quid when I’ve been really skint but other than that, no. My income is more than both of my parents combined and they have no savings so they can’t even if they wanted to. They’re now both on the state pension so I’ll probably start having to help them.