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Original poster

Have or do your parents help you financially?

117 replies

Jazzcafecoffee · 05/03/2022 10:12

Most of my friends have had financial help from their parents or in-laws, some have had substantial help like deposits for a house and others are given cash gifts every now and

OP posts:
Startuplife · 05/03/2022 10:50

No nothing at all. However, my siblings are a lot younger than I am and still teenagers so they have their own financial obligations despite being fairly well off.
We’re in the process of buying a house at the moment and MIL has offered DP money which he has refused. It’s lovely of her to offer but it won’t be without strings attached and I’m proud of how much we’ve saved ourselves so want the satisfaction of knowing we did it all on our own. (Obviously no disrespect meant to anyone who did have financial help)

rookiemere · 05/03/2022 10:50

Yes my DPs have excellent pensions and want to help us. They paid £25k deposit on my first flat and pay DSs private school fees, along with giving us generous cash amounts within inheritance tax limits.

I am extremely grateful and - I hope - I don't take it for granted. We could live without it but no nice holidays or DH getting stupid expensive car.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 05/03/2022 10:51

My parents helped us a lot when I was younger. I moved out at 21 as I was pregnant with DC1 so they helped with the initial deposit and with doing the house up.

My Dad would always put some of my shopping through with theirs and they would never let us pay if we got a takeaway for a treat.

We never asked to borrow money but they helped us with loads of practical things and childcare.

20 years later DH and I are the ones who are now able to do wee things for them.
We pay for the takeaways and meals out and holiday deposits and get them nights away for Anniversary etc. My Dad still tries to pay but I say they done it for us and it's our turn now.

TheFlis12345 · 05/03/2022 10:51

Yes, I’m very lucky. They funded me at uni and paid for my wedding in full. We didn’t need their help with a house deposit but they insisted on paying the legal fees, moving costs etc. They are about to pay for some work to be done on our house and some quite extensive dental work I need. They also give us generous cash gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Every time I mention something in conversation that we are doing on the house or a holiday, they offer to pay for it (which of course I rarely accept). They are equally generous with my siblings and ensure what they give us is as equal as possible.

There are never any strings attached, they just have very good pensions and lots of savings and don’t really know what else to do with their money! They don’t want for anything or have expensive taste in anything, seeing their children happy is what makes them happy.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/03/2022 10:52

My father gave me £6k towards a flat deposit in 1981. I'll add that my parents had divorced, he had moved to the US and mother and step were newly married and had made it clear their home was no longer my home.

Nothing else except for an inheritance from my grandparents in about 2002. My father died in 2002 too but his wife (who is now 99) has a life interest in his properties.

Our DC have had and will get far more help.

megletthesecond · 05/03/2022 10:53

Yes. House deposit.

toastfiend · 05/03/2022 10:53

Yes, my parents helped us with the deposit to buy our house and have loaned us money for big purchases like cars that we can then pay back over a period of time without the extortionate interest rates charged by finance companies, which also saves us clearing out our savings as they are keen that we keep a financial buffer.

We're relatively high earners and quite comfortably off these days but that hasn't always been the case, so the majority of their help came at a time when we had very little. I'm immensely grateful for the help they have given us, but I don't expect it and have never asked for it. They have also always been very clear that if we get into financial difficulty as a result of making poor decisions or being irresponsible on the assumption that they will bail us out then they will not help and we will have to sort it ourselves.

I think my Dad, in particular, feels that the younger generations have it tough financially these days so he wants to help. He was very successful, but the cost of buying a house, living, childcare etc were all much more affordable then, in his words, so they were also afforded a much more luxurious lifestyle on his salary than one would be able to on an equivalently high salary today. Now he's retired his pension obviously isn't linked to inflation so if there comes a time when DH and I effectively have a higher income than my DPs then we will return the help they gave us if and when needed.

FiveShelties · 05/03/2022 10:53

@TeapotCollection

Not had a penny off them since the day I left school. Wouldn’t expect it any other way
Me too. I would not feel comfortable receiving large gifts of money, I love the feeling that what I have achieved is through my own work.
JSG55 · 05/03/2022 10:55

I haven’t received any lump sums outright from my parents but they did allow me to stay with them and contribute very little to the bills until I was mid 20s so that I could save for a house deposit.

Desmondo2021 · 05/03/2022 10:59

How sad that some people are responding as if accepting gifts or financial help makes you somehow less independent or less mature!

Families should love and support each other and financial support is just one of many ways this can be displayed. I had a few thousand towards my first house many years ago. They occasionally treat me and my sisters (with husbands and kids etc) to holidays by, say, paying for a large luxury villa and we get ourselves there. They have offered us interest free loan for home improvements so we can enjoy our improvements now rather than having to save for a couple years or borrow on the mortgage. They put a small amount of pocket money each month into the grandkids accounts. We are all lucky to be financially secure ourselves but surely generosity and support is what underpins a happy extended family in whatever form that comes?

Sorry to the people who have dissed that.

SantaMonicaPier · 05/03/2022 11:02

Nothing at all. I was raised by an unemployed single parent. I paid many of her bills before and after I bought my own house, until she died.

watchingthedetectives · 05/03/2022 11:05

My parents helped and supported me and my siblings ( they were very careful about being equitable) and we will do the same for our children.
We all worked and made our own way as well but really appreciate how lucky we were to have help with big things like a flat deposit.
They definitely wouldn't be happy if we frittered it - but we didn't and our kids are following the same path.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 11:10

No but I’m one of very very few around me who hasn’t received a large deposit help or offer to move in with parents in order to get one saved..
everything I’ve achieved/ bought I’ve done myself.
Getting on the property ladder much later than I’d like, but at least DC can pay off their own mortgage once I’m gone..,

hobstey · 05/03/2022 11:10

I don't think it's bad to have help but obviously it entrenches inequality as for many young people their own chances to have a home will be more dependent on whether their parents can & are willing to help them out as wages have been so devalued.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 05/03/2022 11:11

My parents gave me (and my brother) free childcare whilst my two dc were preschoolers (15 month age gap) which saved me a bomb and meant I could go back to work. They have helped two of my brothers with a house deposit but I was fortunate to have bought when houses were far cheaper. They often buy us things (3 brothers) me a new front door, brother a new boiler, other brother a sofa most recently. They are not well off my Mum still works as a carer at 68 and Dad is disabled so they give us what they can. Dad also helped me renovate a house a few years ago when he more able and this saved me a fortune. They are fantastic parents.

hobstey · 05/03/2022 11:12

We plan to help our own dc but expect there to be a wealth tax in the next decade or so with the way things are going.

badlydrawnbear · 05/03/2022 11:15

Sort of. They gave us money for a house deposit, but it was a loan and they charged interest. They did give me quite a lot of money just after DH died and the financial situation was unknown and precarious for a while. I repaid it when the life insurance paid out, but I don't think they would have asked for it if I hadn't ended up in a reasonable financial situation.

MrsPear · 05/03/2022 11:16

We have never had help - no need plus I know that neither set could hand over a house deposit. Mum has asked if we have food and my sister mentioned the bills and if she could help when work is quiet but we also say we are fine because we are - we plan ahead. We send a little money to the inlaws as they are retired and state pension is not much where they are - and there was no such thing as private until recently - it’s just enough to cover them to have coffee and cake, maybe a meal out with friends. The little things that make them comfortable and I’m glad we can.

ToniLaRoni · 05/03/2022 11:17

Yes. But then one parent died so the other has a lot of money (the Will was such that everything went to my surviving parent)

So they've booked and paid a few joint holidays for us all. Helped with our deposit and costs etc.

I've always been very close with my parents and so it was a no brainer that I'd get financial help if needed.

Growing up was the same. Paid for my university costs etc.

I'll do the same for my DC surely if I can make their lives easier then I will. And luckily my parents being so generous with me means I should be in a position to pass that along.

Phos · 05/03/2022 11:27

My DF's parents gave him a house deposit when he finished uni (before we met) and the proceeds of selling that house went towards the house we now own together.

My parents could not afford to help us financially but I did get some inheritance from my grandparents.

LindaEllen · 05/03/2022 11:30

I haven't had large help from them, but I haven't needed it. My mum does however treat me quite often, so she will send me the money to cover my MOT/any work that needed doing, tell me to order some clothes using her card, take me out for dinner.. that kind of thing. I 100% appreciate it, it's a lovely thing to do - and more so because I don't 'need' it, so she is genuinely just being nice. Which I try to pay back!!

Buildingthefuture · 05/03/2022 11:30

Nothing, ever and we are fine with that and would never have expected it. My parents didn’t have it to give. PIL did but we never really needed it.

RockinHorseShit · 05/03/2022 11:31

Nope, never.

I asked once after DM inherited a pretty huge sum that was meant to be then split to grandkids too.

This was due to unforeseen issues with releasing a renovation loan on a property I bought & had to live in regardless of having no kitchen or bathroom & got a resounding NO, I'll buy you a washing machine when you get settled... she kept her word, & bought the dark green 🤢 washing machine that SHE decided I should like, even though it went with nothing. Golden balls DB of course did alright & milked it for years, I on the other hand spent 3 months showering at a pool & living out of a baby bath & bucket.

It wasn't forgotten

SquirrelFan · 05/03/2022 11:32

Yes, PIL helped with the house. OTOH, we've had to pay regularly for my mum's care.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 05/03/2022 11:34

Nope.

I borrows £2k from them years ago when I was starting out in my career and needed a buffer a couple of times. My dad made me set up direct debits to pay them back (and sent me a letter outlining the terms / their bank details). They’re pretty financially secure too (5 bed house etc).

Don’t know why they didn’t think it a good idea to give money - their choice. But they are loving and supporting parents and I like and love their dearly. Just think they’re Baby Boomers who just don’t realise the true costs of housing etc these days.