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Original poster

Asked if I'm pregnant. I'm not.

70 replies

yellowcat21 · 05/03/2022 06:51

I was out last night and an acquaintance asked me if I am pregnant...I'm not. Just that really. Ouch.

I'm a size 10 and not feeling particularly overweight right now (maybe I am deluding myself!) I have rubbish posture though and since having kids I do tend to carry any excess weight on my stomach.

I think he was just as embarrassed as I was and I know there are much bigger things going on in the world right now but I've woken up this morning and urgh it really stings Sad

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 05/03/2022 06:52

I had some fucker come up and rub my stomach congratulating me on my pregnancy. I wasn't. It's just fucking rude!

Suprima · 05/03/2022 06:54

He was either being a twat and you should pay no mind as he was trying to neg you, or got you confused with someone else who has just done a pregnancy announcement.

GiltEdges · 05/03/2022 06:58

@Suprima

He was either being a twat and you should pay no mind as he was trying to neg you, or got you confused with someone else who has just done a pregnancy announcement.
Or he just legitimately thought OP was pregnant and put his foot in his mouth Confused

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Original poster
yellowcat21 · 05/03/2022 07:07

@dropyoursword urgh what were they were thinking?!

And yes I think it was a genuine mistake. It has happened once before but that time I actually was about 4 weeks post partum. My youngest child is now 3!

OP posts:
anotherheadache · 05/03/2022 07:09

My weight goes on my tummy, I've been asked several times if I'm pregnant over the years (ironically years of infertility to add to the sting) the person asking is usually more mortified than me!

I once also made the mistake of assuming someone was pregnant when they weren't, I was mortified as I knew how I'd made them feel 🤦‍♀️ on that occasion I was at a big work event at the evening formal dinner. The woman sat next to me was very slim but had a very round belly. Also, she was only drinking water and there was FREE WINE on the table! At the time I was 6 weeks pregnant following IVF so also wasn't drinking and very excited about pregnancy myself. Chatting to her all evening then at the end I asked when she was due and she told me she's not pregnant. She stood up and her obvious bump vanished! It had just been the beading on her dress that had caused her dress to gather that way when she sat. She looked really embarrassed and left the table. I didn't see her again but I was so sorry I'd been so stupid.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 07:21

I’ve had this from strangers a few times in my twenties. I’m usually quite bomb proof but the woman who rubbed my tummy in my workplace and asked when I was due, reduced me to tears.
No more fizzy drinks for me !

Bloatstoat · 05/03/2022 07:25

It's rubbish OP, it's happened to me a few times and makes me feel completely humiliated. Flowers

Summerfun54321 · 05/03/2022 07:27

I know someone who was asked this by a celebrity in front of all of her work colleagues. When she said she wasn’t pregnant and just fat, said celebrity thought she was joking and kept up with the conversation.

JellyBeansJelly · 05/03/2022 07:28

I’m a size 10, have been for as long as I remember, but I bloat badly on my tummy. So it’s happened a lot where people think I’m pregnant. When I was younger, I used to get upset, but I know I’m not fat, I have a great figure…I just get really bad tummy bloat which, if I’m wearing anything that goes in at the waist, looks like a pregnant belly.

Don’t take it personally!

JellybeansJelly · 05/03/2022 07:34

@JellyBeansJelly

I’m a size 10, have been for as long as I remember, but I bloat badly on my tummy. So it’s happened a lot where people think I’m pregnant. When I was younger, I used to get upset, but I know I’m not fat, I have a great figure…I just get really bad tummy bloat which, if I’m wearing anything that goes in at the waist, looks like a pregnant belly.

Don’t take it personally!

When I was 18, I even had someone offer his seat on the bus!

Took me a few days before it clicked I looked pregnant that day!

InRoseBlush · 05/03/2022 07:53

Ugh, people who ask this enrage me. If someone is pregnant and wants you to know/wants to discuss it then they will bring it up themselves. Why would you take the chance of embarrassing yourself and your colleague when you could just say nothing?!

One day we had a young woman from a different department in covering to help us out and a stupid colleague of mine loudly asked her "When are you due?". She held her head up high and said "I'm not pregnant" then very sternly said to her "Don't you ever ask anyone that again. How rude!" I remember thinking she was brilliant for standing up for herself. I would have been so embarrassed in her shoes and would have slinked off without saying anything but she rightly made it clear that it was my colleague who should have been embarrassed as they had been so rude.

You never know what someone could be going through. They might be having serious body image issues or they could be bloated from fertility treatment. Why would you take the chance of causing serious hurt and/or embarrassment.

JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 08:10

I'm so sorry OP, hope you're ok.

I think it's such a disgusting thing to do, to ask someone if they're pregnant. If someone wanted you to know about their pregnancy they would tell you, no one should ever ever ask. It's rude and just downright cheeky. Such a personal topic, yet people feel they have a right to bring it up. Absolutely blows my mind why they think that would possibly be ok.

Original poster
yellowcat21 · 05/03/2022 08:12

@inroseblush good for your colleague!

I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to make things even more awkward so I just laughed it off and carried on the conversation as though it hadn't happened. Not even sure what was said after that though as all I could think about was how crap I felt.

And then on the way home I beat myself up for the fact I'd been worrying about how HE felt and how I could make the whole thing less awkward for HIM. I'm such a people pleaser Sad

Not a great night overall. Onwards and upwards I guess!

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/03/2022 08:31

I was so ‘phew!’ that I didn’t ask someone I occasionally worked with, when it had been on the tip of my tongue before some interruption. She didn’t just have a big tummy, it was honestly a 7 or 8 months pregnant ‘bump’ shape!

JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 08:36

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I was so ‘phew!’ that I didn’t ask someone I occasionally worked with, when it had been on the tip of my tongue before some interruption. She didn’t just have a big tummy, it was honestly a 7 or 8 months pregnant ‘bump’ shape!
I'm glad you were interrupted. There could be any number of reasons as to why her belly was that shape, pregnancy is just one.

Asking someone in a workplace (or anywhere) is highly inappropriate, no matter what they look like.

Biscuitsneeded · 05/03/2022 08:49

I remember pushing DS around in the buggy when he was about 2. Got in a lift with an older woman who asked me when No 2 was due and I laughed and said 'this IS number 2!'. I just had never lost the baby weight and am also inclined to put on weight on my tummy before everything else. Right now (15 years after DS2) I have worked hard to lose weight and am mostly slim, have a decent BMI - but I still have a fat tummy and look pregnant if I don't suck my tummy in. I am past caring! I don't blame that woman. She clearly liked children and was just being friendly. It was an understandable mistake to make. But equally I didn't take it to heart. I agree it's wiser not to assume or allude to pregnancy with strangers, but equally there's no point being terribly offended by an honest and well-intentioned mistake.

Original poster
yellowcat21 · 05/03/2022 08:59

@biscuitsneeded I'm not offended as such, in the way I would be if someone had tried to insult me. Just feel really shit about myself.

OP posts:
istandwithukraine · 05/03/2022 09:00

Yeah I had this about a week after my 5th miscarriage- went home and cried - I actually thought I was looking pretty skinny in the dress I wore too

ThatsNotMyGolem · 05/03/2022 09:02

It's not the end of the world. I'm not sure why women get so wound up about this. It's not a crime to have a larger belly or be a bit overweight. Someone asked me when I was due, when I was about a year post partum. I just said "I'm not" and moved on. Why the drama?

ThatsNotMyGolem · 05/03/2022 09:03

@Bloatstoat

It's rubbish OP, it's happened to me a few times and makes me feel completely humiliated. Flowers

But why? It isn't a crime to be carrying some weight. You have a right to occupy space and have the body you have.

JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 09:04

@Biscuitsneeded to be honest, I just don't see it as a simple, and honest mistake. I see it as people being rude. Why does a person feel they have a right to comment on someone else's body?

You would never approach a man with a large stomach and make a comment about it. So why approach a woman and assume she is pregnant. I don't understand why the hurt this could possibly cause wouldn't outweigh the persons desire to just make conversation.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 09:04
  • I also had a dress I had to stop wearing as very polite and well meaning men would offer me their seats on the tube. Took me a few weeks to work out why Blush
JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 09:05

@ThatsNotMyGolem

It's not the end of the world. I'm not sure why women get so wound up about this. It's not a crime to have a larger belly or be a bit overweight. Someone asked me when I was due, when I was about a year post partum. I just said "I'm not" and moved on. Why the drama?
Perhaps to someone who has just had a miscarriage, or is bloated from yet another failed IVF round, it does indeed feel like the end of the world.
JanisMoplin · 05/03/2022 09:05

I was asked this last week on the Tube and offered a seat. I am 50, menopausal and carrying all my weight around my tummy:( Also have fibroids. Doesn't make me feel great.

Rosebuud · 05/03/2022 09:06

I get why this is upsetting. I had the opposite, when eight months pregnant and was actually huge I commented on being pregnant and this bloke, who was a friend of a friend and was having dinner with us, looked really surprised and said “oh are you pregnant” . I was like no, I’m just really fat and I’m just pretending to be pregnant you twat.