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Original poster

Asked if I'm pregnant. I'm not.

70 replies

yellowcat21 · 05/03/2022 06:51

I was out last night and an acquaintance asked me if I am pregnant...I'm not. Just that really. Ouch.

I'm a size 10 and not feeling particularly overweight right now (maybe I am deluding myself!) I have rubbish posture though and since having kids I do tend to carry any excess weight on my stomach.

I think he was just as embarrassed as I was and I know there are much bigger things going on in the world right now but I've woken up this morning and urgh it really stings

OP posts:

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 05/03/2022 11:01

@JanisMoplin

I was asked this last week on the Tube and offered a seat. I am 50, menopausal and carrying all my weight around my tummy:( Also have fibroids. Doesn't make me feel great.

I think you might be me….all of those things but a bus, not the tube. Also, I was knackered so took the seat.

Lou98 · 05/03/2022 11:37

You say you were on a night out - do you normally drink but weren't last night? Could that be what made him say it?

Try not to worry about it OP, it doesn't say anything about you, he just put his foot in his mouth and probably massively regrets it now.
My Sister has always been really bad for bloating, her stomach would often be "round" as if it was a pregnancy belly but she was still really slim, it was just the perfect roundness that made it look that way rather than being "fat" if you see what I mean

ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead · 05/03/2022 11:39

Years ago, some twat asked me how long I had to go in my pregnancy - my baby was then 3 months old

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JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 11:47

@Biscuitsneeded as you say, clearly it does hurt. So why is the automatic reaction to something hurting you, to change your behaviour and thoughts towards it, and not for the person who's behaviour caused the issue in the first place to change?

As someone else mentioned, we teach kids not to comment on how a person looks, so why do adults feel they can. I find it so bizarre.

In regards to you mentioning things such as offering to help, surely if you have an inkling someone needs help, then you just offer. You don't need to explain yourself. If you feel someone deserves to go to the bathroom before you, you can be like oh do you want to nip ahead? You don't need to be like oh do you want to nip ahead because you clearly look pregnant. Same with the chairs, the person did not need to add "in your condition", if a colleague if carrying a pile of chairs surely you'd just be like here do you need a hand? and help. You do not need to be like omg you're pregnant you need help!

Biscuitsneeded · 05/03/2022 11:59

@JamieLeeT I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just being realistic, people will occasionally misread a situation based on appearances and say or do things as a result that could be hurtful. I know this as people used to think I was pregnant when I wasn't as I gather weight on my tummy, and now they think I am older than I am, because I have grey/white hair and choose not to dye it as I quite like it! I'm saying, as you are, that people should try to avoid commenting, but sometimes the comment comes from a good intention. I was offered a seat on the train by a man who I think was older than me but didn't realise. He didn't say "Would you like a seat because you're clearly elderly?", he said "Would you like a seat?" but since he hadn't asked the younger people in the carriage it was obvious he made a call based on my appearance and his own wish to be considerate. It would be churlish of me to take offence at that. I'm actually trying to say to the OP that this happens a lot and it isn't because she is dreadfully overweight, and it is a shame if she allows a stranger's misunderstanding and (in her case) thoughtlessness to upset her. But we can't have a world where nobody offers kindness or empathy for fear of causing offence.

MintyGreenDream · 05/03/2022 12:11

I have ibs and can bloat easily.Was queuing in H&M in Greece on holiday and they had a priority line specifically for pregnant women.
The Greek lady in front of me gestured to the priority lane whilst miming a bump saying "pregnant?pregnant?" I burst into tears after id paid,i felt shit and fat as fuck.

JamieLeeT · 05/03/2022 12:19

@MintyGreenDream

I have ibs and can bloat easily.Was queuing in H&M in Greece on holiday and they had a priority line specifically for pregnant women. The Greek lady in front of me gestured to the priority lane whilst miming a bump saying "pregnant?pregnant?" I burst into tears after id paid,i felt shit and fat as fuck.

This annoys me. Because even if you were pregnant, you're not stupid. You'd see the line and use it if you wanted to.

It's such a horrible feeling isn't it!

LizzieMacQueen · 05/03/2022 12:24

I've offered my seat ( once ) to a pregnant woman on a crowded train. She declined so of course I worried the rest of the journey that I'd massively insulted her.

RockinHorseShit · 05/03/2022 12:24

He was being a twat, pay no heed

I had this too & I was a size friggin 8. Some people are just bitches, male or female. Their opinion is of no importance at all

MintyGreenDream · 05/03/2022 12:36

@JameLeeT yes I was mortified

ClemFandangoo · 05/03/2022 12:39

I have endometriosis and just before my period I bloat up incredibly, I sometimes can’t see my feet when stood up. I’ve been offered a seat before and asked if I was pregnant. The sting dye to current fertility problems is just too much sometimes. I do realise people aren’t aware and it’s not their fault but really wish people would just think a bit before speaking.

Rosesareyellow · 05/03/2022 12:47

A size 10 is generally slim - its probably just because you are slim that a slouch and a bloat may then stand out. But that’s just a normal woman’s body shape! Standing up straight can make all the difference though if you find yourself slouching and will do wonders for your back as you get older.

shggg245 · 05/03/2022 13:16

I got called into my female bully bosses office. Told to shut the door and sit down. I thought I was in serious trouble.

Boss - 'I can't help but notice the size of your stomach, I need you ask - are you pregnant?'

Me : 'No.'

Bully boss - "Well I'm not the only one to say this everyone's talking about it."

I've never felt so shit in my life and I'm no shrinking violet. It's just deeply insensitive and sexist.

takemebacktothe80s · 07/03/2022 00:45

Someone asked me once. I said no I wasn't and did I really look that fat

Goldenharp · 07/03/2022 00:59

I taught my sons that unless you can see the head crowning never refer to anybody as being pregnant.

Boxowine · 07/03/2022 02:38

This happened to me about six months ago. I am fifty years old. The woman who asked was obviously embarrassed, as was I. My DS told me that it’s all in how you take it. I should be grateful that I look like I’m still capable.

WatermelonLemonade · 07/03/2022 06:47

I got asked on my first session of slimming world 😂 I'd not long had baby no 2 but I wasn't huge.

NE14T · 15/06/2022 00:15

I found this thread by searching as I knew there would be something like this on here.

Have arrived on holiday today, lovely 5* place, the fanciest hotel I’ve stayed in and a man just asked me how many months along I am

I am slightly overweight and have bad posture, plus am wearing those cotton dungaree things to travel in.

But, how do I not let this ruin my holiday? I’m so anxious and self conscious at the best of times and I have years and years of eating disorders and self esteem issues behind me. I honestly just feel horrendous. Have gone from so happy and relaxed to wanting to just go home.

BessAndCress · 15/06/2022 00:31

This has happened to me (pre-kids fgs) and I still dread it happening again. I'm not particularly large but have a busty "mum tum" figure, and am at a stage of life where people wouldn't be surprised to hear I was pregnant again. However, it's not on the cards and it's not something I want to discuss, for personal reasons.

I really can't understand why anyone would ask a woman if she was pregnant. Surely if she wants you to know, she'll tell you. It's like they think they'll get a prize for detective work.

I suppose the exception would be if she was bouncing around in tight maternity wear with an enormous taut bump, where you don't even need to ask because it would almost be rude not to offer your good wishes for the imminent arrival. Quite different from someone just carrying a bit of weight on the squishy tummy area, or turning down a glass of wine.

BessAndCress · 15/06/2022 00:41

NE14T · 15/06/2022 00:15

I found this thread by searching as I knew there would be something like this on here.

Have arrived on holiday today, lovely 5* place, the fanciest hotel I’ve stayed in and a man just asked me how many months along I am

I am slightly overweight and have bad posture, plus am wearing those cotton dungaree things to travel in.

Aww, I just realised you were reviving an old thread with this post. That sucks, I'm so sorry. You know, when it happened to me that was also upon arrival on the first day of a holiday, and it did overshadow everything. It really is just his total thoughtlessness - he probably thinks he's being clever and charming by "noticing" and probably gets it wrong a lot too! Perhaps he is feeling embarrassed right now, as he should (and you shouldn't). I really hope you get stuck into your lovely holiday so that this awkward memory fades beside all the nice experiences you have.

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