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Original poster

I'm a terribly unsympathetic wife, please tell me I'm not alone!

87 replies

KitKat1985 · 04/03/2022 21:30

DH has a cold, a bad cold to be fair but still a cold. He definitely is a bit 'man flu' about these things and has taken time off work this week and there has been a lot of complaining about how ill he is etc. I've tried to be sympathetic but the thing I've really struggled with is for the past 3 days he has just been constantly coughing as loudly as possible, blowing his nose as loudly as possible, or making 'throat clearing' noises. I'm convinced he could be doing these things quieter than he is - it's like he's doing it extra loud for sympathy and 'dramatic effect'.

I've had a bit of shitty day. The kids have been noisy and shouting all evening. They've finally gone to bed and all I want to do is watch some TV with a glass of wine in peace and he won't stop with the coughing and nose blowing. I've eventually snapped at him and asked him to shut up. He's now very huffy with me about how unsympathetic I am. I've apologised but please tell me I'm not the only one who isn't always Florence Nightingale......

OP posts:
Bordois · 05/03/2022 09:32

Oooh. I had an actual argument with DH the other day about this very thing. He seems to think that not feeling well gives him a pass to just opt out of parenting and leaving me to sort the kids.

I now have the same cold and am just getting on with it. Obviously that means I've only got a mild dose of it, he had it far worse, etc. 🙄

BluerThanRobinsEggs · 05/03/2022 09:37

I expect that half a paracetamol he took last Wednesday is doing the trick now?

Terfydactyl · 05/03/2022 09:47

DP is rarely unwell, maybe 5 times in the last 15 years, but when he is ill OMG what a fucking baby he is. He goes to bed and occasionally texts for a drink or tablets or lemsip etc and I mostly ignore the texts or make sure I'm out a lot so I can text back that I'm not in and he'll have to sort himself out.

I am Ill quite often but in the same 15 years I've taken to my bed once (covid and I really was very ill) I sent one text asking for painkillers and water and that's all. Which he ignored.

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Holothane · 05/03/2022 09:47

Every couple of years I seem to get a virus which wipes me off my feet simply because I’m exhausted seeing to him, oh yes when they’re ill it’s “I need this I need that”

user1499609760 · 05/03/2022 09:53

I’m recovering from a broken leg (& associated surgery). But DH tells me every time I see him about how his back aches… Hmm

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 05/03/2022 11:17

I expect that half a paracetamol he took last Wednesday is doing the trick now?

Oh my god @BluerThanRobinsEggs it's like you know him. When he whines I constantly ask 'have you tried some paracetamol' and the answer is almost always no. I mean help yourself man!

OP posts:
BluerThanRobinsEggs · 05/03/2022 11:55

KitKat1985 One paracetamol does not last a lifetime, it even says so on the packet: two every 4 hours. Why do they think their body is so very special that it is the only body in the whole world with the pharmacogenetics to take years to break down one tablet?

BIWI · 05/03/2022 14:22

Oh yes.

DH: I've got a headache
Me (sympathetically): Oh dear. Have you taken anything for it?
DH: No, it's not that kind of headache.

Did someone say they have some pigs I can borrow?

LadyCluck · 05/03/2022 14:35

@BIWI

Oh yes.

DH: I've got a headache
Me (sympathetically): Oh dear. Have you taken anything for it?
DH: No, it's not that kind of headache.

Did someone say they have some pigs I can borrow?

I think we may be married to the same guy Grin
PearlclutchersInc · 05/03/2022 14:41

You're not unique. I inform mine that if he's not well then go to bed (and preferably stay there and give me peace). Cue the wounded look.....

My excuse is that my parents both worked for the emergency services and there was little sympathy for drama when I was growing up. You had to bleed copious quantities to get any of that!!

drinkingwineoutofamug · 05/03/2022 14:42

It's the cough that men do, like a delicate flower. Fucking annoying! Just cough man!

Got a headache, have you taken anything? 1 bloody paracetamol.
I said to him you weigh over 50kg so take 2 and a couple of ibrufen. No no. No! He will over dose.
I'm a HCP
Do I speak to my patient's this way...
Well... only if there arms stop moving once in pjs like pp mentioned.

Flickasmum · 05/03/2022 15:04

Yes the first question I ask is 'have you taken anything for it'. If the answer's no, then no sympathy is forthcoming.
I too suggest mine takes to his bed if he's that unwell. Sickly men seem to take up a lot of space, I have learnt.
I love him to pieces really, but there are times when the noisiness of the sneezing/yawning/snorting drive me to distraction! He will fart loudly in the bath too. Though I childishly find that quite amusing

BigRedDuck · 05/03/2022 15:12

I have the opposite problem with DH, he will insist on carrying on even if he crawls to his van to go to work because he is feeling so rough.
However, the argument about painkillers does my head in.
"Have you taken anything"
"I had one paracetamol yesterday"
"take 2 and 2 bloody ibuprofen"
"but I'll overdose!"
"You're also 11 stone and 6ft bloody tall!! You will be fine 🙄"

Bluelillies · 05/03/2022 15:16

I remember when my darling fil was Ill once-he leaned out of a window to hack and cough to his sister in law (who was coming up the drive) to go get my mil to come and tend to him as he was soooooo ill

His brother bought him a bloody bell so my mil could hear him if he was upstairs and she downstairs

I’ve told my partner that he even thinks about it,I will leave him

Thankfully he gets on with being ill quietly

Teenytinyflowers · 05/03/2022 18:03

@BIWI @LadyCluck we’re all married to the same manGrin dying laughing at this 🤣 When my DH gets I’ll it’s like he’s allergic to doing or taking anything that could possibly make him feel a little better…ugh

whitewashing · 05/03/2022 18:16

I never, ever for the rest of my life want to hear the word ‘sinusitis’ again…

lborgia · 05/03/2022 18:22

I was on day 2 of labouring in hospital.. he managed to get a nap for 2-3 hours, during which I was muttering swear words at him. The midwife said "bless him". We woke him up to talk about potential c-section. Midwife asked him "are you OK?". DH replied "I think I'm coming down with something, I'm absolutely shattered".

Hmm Angry

He now know to go to bed if he gets his rare man flu, and dies quietly for a few days. That way he still gets fed.

courgettigreensadwater · 05/03/2022 18:32

The voice and the cough at the same time and the sneezing followed by a kind of grainy noise GrinConfused drives me nuts.

AKASammyScrounge · 05/03/2022 18:37

Carrots aren't brir

AKASammyScrounge · 05/03/2022 18:41

It was either Emperor Caligula or Nero who had his young cousin strangled for coughing often enough to be annoying

FatherArmando · 05/03/2022 18:46

There has been research done that men do have weaker immune systems and feel cold worse than women.

Maybe an evolutionary throwback? Survival of the species and all that?

However I have v little sympathy regardless of this!! (For him that it, I feel for you Grin)

Champagneforeveryone · 05/03/2022 19:02

@Carbiesdreamhouse

DH seems to permanently "coming down with something" or "feeling rough" so I've lost all patience with the boy who cried 'urrrgh'
DH is always "full up with cold". I suspect he's actually slightly allergic to ChampagneCat (his favourite child) or DDog1 who moults continuously and who he doesn't groom regularly enough. However regular use of antihistamines seems to be beyond him and he prefers to rely on the magical power of having them in the box on his bedside table, as opposed to actually swallowing them Hmm

He's surpassed himself last week though by malingering about with a cold, only to later test positive for Covid. Complete vindication for the plaintive whimpers and dramatic!

However he has now given me Covid and I genuinely have the cough of an inveterate pipe smoker. I can see his left eye starting to twitch whenever I start up, which is strangely empowering. If nothing else, it should mean that he will be out the house as soon as he gets two negative tests Wink

HerbErtlinger · 05/03/2022 19:12

Yup, me. DP and I have both been quite ill with covid and wiped out since testing negative and yet through it all, I've had to tend to the children, cook meals for everyone and do the laundry, do all the school runs while he's been off work, gone back to work before him AND took the kids out swimming today and came home and cooked a roast while he has shuffled round the house with his hood up, taken long baths and naps and constantly complaining. I'm sick of him this week to be honest, zero sympathy

BOOTS52 · 05/03/2022 19:23

No you are not unsympathetic. My dad was the same, when he had a cold we all had to creep around as he would be making us all feel bad that he was sick. He wanted sympathy and really played up on it and the whole household was affected by him and his cold. If my mum was ill she had to carry on regardless and got not an ounce of sympathy. I would have just took myself off to the other room to watch tv as he would drive me mad. Does he look after you if you are sick. Would love to see how men would be if they had periods and were bleeding monthy, am betting a&e would be full.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/03/2022 19:58

He's now very huffy with me about how unsympathetic I am. I've apologised but please tell me I'm not the only one who isn't always Florence Nightingale

I think I can win this one.

DP had been moaning all day about stomach ache and I just assumed it was the usual male over-reaction to not very much.
In the evening he said he was going to call the doctor and I may have snapped that I thought that was a bit much for what was probably constipation or indigestion and went to bed.

Next thing I knew was he woke me up at about 2 am saying I had to take him to hospital because the doctor had been and thought he had appendicitis Blush

He did indeed have appendicitis and his appendix was removed the next day and he spent close to a week in hospital recovering.