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Original poster

I'm a terribly unsympathetic wife, please tell me I'm not alone!

87 replies

KitKat1985 · 04/03/2022 21:30

DH has a cold, a bad cold to be fair but still a cold. He definitely is a bit 'man flu' about these things and has taken time off work this week and there has been a lot of complaining about how ill he is etc. I've tried to be sympathetic but the thing I've really struggled with is for the past 3 days he has just been constantly coughing as loudly as possible, blowing his nose as loudly as possible, or making 'throat clearing' noises. I'm convinced he could be doing these things quieter than he is - it's like he's doing it extra loud for sympathy and 'dramatic effect'.

I've had a bit of shitty day. The kids have been noisy and shouting all evening. They've finally gone to bed and all I want to do is watch some TV with a glass of wine in peace and he won't stop with the coughing and nose blowing. I've eventually snapped at him and asked him to shut up. He's now very huffy with me about how unsympathetic I am. I've apologised but please tell me I'm not the only one who isn't always Florence Nightingale......

OP posts:
PennineWayinSlingbacks · 04/03/2022 23:30

DH recently had Covid and I accept he didnt feel great. But when he complained about back pain, it took all my willpower not to to comment that lying flat on the sofa watching tv for 10 days solid may be connected. And the shouty-sneeze enrages me. Caitlin Moran in her recent book is absolutely hilarious about man sneezes....

BlackeyedSusan · 04/03/2022 23:33

can you come and snap at ds as well who is developing the enormously loud shouty sneezes? he is not listening to me

BIWI · 04/03/2022 23:34

Is it a

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PennineWayinSlingbacks · 04/03/2022 23:34

...She is also very funny, locating the absurd in everyday situations such as the spectacle of her husband sneezing “as if a portal to Hell has opened up in my loved one’s sinuses, and he is birthing a spiralling vortex of ebullient demons, one by one, through his nose, in a way that cannot be stopped until all his life-force is spent....

Wednesdayafternoon · 04/03/2022 23:36

You're not alone. I wish I could be more patient and caring and understanding when people are unwell, but I really struggle to be so. I am a single mum so don't get the opportunity to be ill so I get very impatient and bitter towards those who do. It's bad I know, but I just have so little patience!

GetOffTheTableMabel · 04/03/2022 23:37

Performative man-sneezing enrages me. It wouldn’t be necessary in a business meeting or at a funeral so why is it necessary at home?

Fimilo · 04/03/2022 23:58

I'm the same with my husband, I'm just getting over covid which has floored me and my 6 month old now has it. I've not stopped despite being ill, my husband is now positive and can already tell what he is going to be like. I've pre warned him that I dealt with both the kids and had covid he can do the same

thegcatsmother · 05/03/2022 00:07

I had a positive LFT on Tuesday night, having already been feeling rough, and was told by dh with a wave of his hand that it's just like a cold now. I have an auto immune disease, which means my immune system doesn't function well, so if I get a virus, I have trouble shaking it off. I have had to sort meals, as he just sat there waiting for dinner.

I hope he doesn't get it, as given the fuss with lemsip and strepsils at the first sign of a sore throat from him, life would be unbearable!

Quantity5 · 05/03/2022 00:12

I hope you licked his meal as you booked a week away.

Fernandina · 05/03/2022 00:19

@Madcats

Oh i think my family have all had that cold. We've carried on working (at home), but it's a really bad head cold that turns into a mass of sticky snot and chesty cough. We've all been really tired as well.

I think i caught it first so i can't really complain.

My dd's had that cold, and still has a hacking cough a month later. She got the cold first, and then covid on top, so she felt rotten for 10 days. Did she complain? No. Has DH complained about aches and pains, despite having neither cold nor covid? Yes. Pillock.
NRRK28 · 05/03/2022 00:20

My god! I guess all man are the same. Everytime my DH ill. He needs all attention in the world. I think its worst than my 6yo when he is sick 🤣🤣. Its just make me angry. To be honest i never bother to nurse my DH everytime he is sick. I’ll be annoyed as hell. I just make him food thats it.

SRS29 · 05/03/2022 00:40

OP my husband sneezes so loudly that my colleagues on the team call say bless you, to him, and he is on the floor above 🤦‍♀️😂

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 05/03/2022 08:07

Yes the dressing gown of doom is out!

DH actually said to me when he first started feeling ill that if I caught it, it's unlikely I would get as ill as him. I mean what?? I had to bite my tongue from pointing out that I do feel as ill as him when I pick up the same colds etc, but I don't milk it or whine as much as he does, which is not the same thing!!

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 05/03/2022 08:08

The best thing about being divorced is not being subjected to man flu.

I hear that pigs are a good way of disposing of a body, if you don't want to go to the lengths of laying a new patio, OP.

autumnboys · 05/03/2022 08:14

My husband currently has Covid. He is apparently well enough to work 12-14 hour days (from the study at home) but ill enough to talk endlessly about his symptoms should anyone be foolish enough to enquire.

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 08:32

Sympathies. Out of the blue over past few months my husband has started doing that horrible, throat-clearing, hacking old man cough. I can just tell he thoroughly enjoys.

TheCanyon · 05/03/2022 08:38

Sometimes dhs meds make him shaky and dizzy for a wee bit and we all hear it. I seethe inside at his whinging, I have essential tremor, I've shaked for the last 10 years and been extremely dizzy 24/7 for 327 days so far.

justasking111 · 05/03/2022 08:38

@BoodleBug51

DH has drained every ounce of sympathy from me over the 30 years I've known him. He brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "health anxiety". It's beyond tedious.

His latest fad is his apple watch and obsessing over his heart rate. He also likes to sit with a finger pointed into his chest monitoring his heart rate too, just in case the watch is lying to him.

He gets very sniffy when I tell him what a dick he looks Grin

That bloody watch should be banned. I've thought of microwaving it or dropping it into a pan of boiling water
LuluBlakey1 · 05/03/2022 08:44

Men and colds are just terrible.

I worked with someone who took time off work and stayed in bed for at least 3 days if he had a cold. Then he came back sniffing, rubbing his nose with his hands and touching surfaces.

Get on with it, take some over the counter stuff, use tissues, bin them, wash your hands and stop whining.

DH is hygenic but wouldn't dare stay in bed all day. He is prone to looking pitiful, sighing, groaning as he sits down and to wearing the dressing gown of doom.

Laptopsandmouses · 05/03/2022 09:02

You know that scene on top gun? When Tom cruise does the fly by and the guy is startled and spills his coffee? That’s my life when he has a cold. My husband goes all out with his sneezing. It annoys the fuck out of me, but when I ask if it’s really necessary he responds with “it’s dangerous to hold a sneeze in” 🤬

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/03/2022 09:09

You are giving me flashbacks to being an HCA on a men's ward. OMG, did they milk it! And these were mainly men in for pretty straightforward operations, like hernias, so not actually 'ill, ill'. The minute they got their jim-jams on, it was like their legs had fallen off, "Nuuuuurse, can you fill my water glass?" Er no, you're a 42 year old builder who just walked in here, carrying his own bag.

Lots of nurses say men are easier to nurse than women, but I think that's bollocks. Men are more compliant, maybe, but only because they love you waiting on them.

billy1966 · 05/03/2022 09:18

3 days?
You are a saint.

I hate loud coughers or nose blowers.

Uncouth.

I worked briefly with one nearly 25 years ago and I thought what a twat. Attention seeking idiot.🙄

Norgie · 05/03/2022 09:21

I've never given my DH any sympathy so as such that he doesn't do performance poorly.
It goes like this....
Me. You ok?
Him. Atchooo. Sniff.
Me. lemsips are in the cupboard, help yourself then piss off to bed and die quietly, I don't want your lurgies.
Him. Shuffles off to die quietly.

658Doyouknowwheremysparkis · 05/03/2022 09:21

Tell him to stop it or leave the room.

Mind you I told DH off when he was ironing having burnt a hole in my skirt and was complaining about indigestion and cramping, gave him some Gaviscon and told him it was his turn and to just get on with it…. Ahem he was having a heart attack… even in A and E I told him off for wasting their time ( trying to get out of his turn for the ironing) until they produced the results of the ECG! So in the unsympathetic stakes …. Blush…. The skirt was ruined though!

Am sorry but men make such a fuss about minor ailments

Isthisit22 · 05/03/2022 09:25

@KitKat1985

Yes the dressing gown of doom is out!

DH actually said to me when he first started feeling ill that if I caught it, it's unlikely I would get as ill as him. I mean what?? I had to bite my tongue from pointing out that I do feel as ill as him when I pick up the same colds etc, but I don't milk it or whine as much as he does, which is not the same thing!!

Just tell him this. Nip that shit in the bud rather than suffering and stewing in silence
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