Primary children’s birthdays. How much would you give?

[wombleflump]

My dd has been invited to P1 party at soft play. The mum has asked for money not gifts. How much would you given a card. Not a close friend a classmate. Thanks

Soft play with food is £100 for 20 children. That's amazing. £15-£17 per kid plus cake and party bags here.

Still I think the money will go to the child's tablet not the parents so cost of party not particularly relevant.

I'd probably give £10 but I think £5 would also be fine

It’s really depressing and cheeky to ask for money. Some parents might be managing giving presents by choosing a small, inexpensive thing (often with their kid’s help) for classmate’s parties.

A small gift doesn’t automatically mean it’s crap or wasteful. Things like art materials or small figures might be really enjoyed or treasured.

As a parent, I liked it when people bought things for my child that I wouldn’t have thought of.

Plus, where is the joy or fun in giving or receiving if it’s all so transactional?

What if someone can only afford to spend £2?

£5 but I don't love the idea of giving money to a primary age child.

I usually buy gifts which are worth around £10, but I never actually spend £10 as I buy in multiples/special offers/discounts. I wouldn't give £10 in cash.

I think that's a cheeky request, even though I'm someone who almost always just throws cash in a card. People might budget to give a present worth a pound or two (a box of maltesers or some felt tips are very welcome presents here), but feel that they have to put a fiver or a tenner in if it's cash.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue

I think I will be really put off if they asked for money. I would spend up to £10 for present, but in this case, £5, though tempted to give £1 just to see the reaction. How cheeky.

This. OMG, is this a thing now ? I have never heard of this. To be honest I think it is incredibly cheeky to ask people to give money for a small childs birthday.

Such bad manners to ask for money.

So I normally spend around £10-£12 in class mate gifts. However because she’s been cheeky and asked for cash I’d be giving £5 and a bag of haribo

I was just thinking of a child who every year gave the same book five years in a row to my ds. It was an animal encyclopaedia type thing so could be for any age really. This boy came from a family where I know money is very tight.
I think the mother must have bought a job lot of them somewhere and forgot who she was giving them to.

I don’t care that other people see this as unwanted tat. I taught my son that to say thank you and write a card and we never mention that it was the same book every year.
The guest was perfectly mannered to bring a gift and my son only cared about having his friend there.
I wonder about how the children of these parents turn out and whether they are materialistic as they get older.
It seems popular in my area to also put ‘no boxed gifts’ on the invitation as if they is less grabby

It seems popular in my area to also put ‘no boxed gifts’ on the invitation as if they is less grabby

"No boxed gifts"!!! Wtf. Do they think they are hosting a society wedding or something?!?

ChrisSays

I think your post sums up my entire argument, and I feel very strongly about issues like this.
Being kind, as you and your ds have, can really make such a difference. Just by realising not every family has at least £5-10 to spare, and welcoming the child anyway, can make such a difference to another child’s whole school experience, and how they feel.
To do the opposite, and stipulate expectations, sadly, even if unintentionally, could exclude children like your ds friend.

Children like this whose parents can’t afford to participate often end up ostracised and overlooked. If all adults could act in an inclusive and sensitive way, and encourage their dc to do the same, I think it would, collectively, make such a difference.

I was talking about this with another school mum friend recently: I was shocked because a couple of times a parent has given me a £20 note as a gift for DC1. (Not the same person.) I tried desperately to return it both times (both parties advertised as no need to bring a present, we just want to celebrate with friends) and I think that's too much.

Both parents who did this are expats, my friend was saying it is entirely normal in her country to do this and talking about money isn't embarrassing like I clearly find it.

I'd give a tenner (unless it was one of the generous ladies mentioned above but I think a fiver would be fine. Or if things are tight get a book or something from the works and ignore.

Whilst I prefer thoughtfully chosen gifts, a big party means too many presents and)

I’d give £10

Bit cheeky though

£10 for class friends and close friends £20-£25

Always a tenner for a class mate.

If they're saving for a big present, that's fair enough. Christmas wasn't that long ago so they probably don't want anymore toys

£5 in the card and normally a bag of sweet or box Maltesers for something to unwrap.

I don't think it's cheeky at all, I think that's a very British way of thinking.

We all know that at a big party, a child can end up with a massive pile of presents. Some families may not actually have room for it all, or it can be overwhelming for the child.

I'd normally spend £10 on a present, which I would absolutely pop into a card if the parent / child preferred so that they can pool it all together and get something great. My own DC love getting money in a card and going shopping to choose something.

Why is it cheeky?

If she’s saving for a tablet it’s a great idea. She misses out on little gifts but that was her choice.

@Quirrelsotherface did you read any of the thread where people went to the trouble to explain why?

no

@Quirrelsotherface

no

That was obvious yet you gave your contribution- quite rude really. That explains why you don’t think asking for money is not rude.

I'd feel quite uncomfortable with this too, especially with young kids. We had my sons party recently and the presents clearly had quite a range of costs but he never would have been able to tell, I'd be really worried about making kids from families with less money feel like they couldn't go. Think it depends on the class if this is crass or not as in a solely well off area it would be likely to be much less of an issue.

Anyway, I'd give £5 and a small food based item like a fancy biscuit or chocolate lolly tucked in the card, we usually aim for around the £10 mark for presents here.

I know it’s not the ‘done thing’ but I love this idea, and wish I’d had the courage to do this myself when mine were little!
Three children, each had a big party up until age 8/9. That’s a huge amount of plastic tat!!

Asking for money that you would spend anyway is much more sensible.

I’d give £15.

I think it's a great idea and I'd be glad to receive an invite like this from one of my son's classmates. It's much better for a child to be able to buy something they actually want than mountains of plastic tat to end end up in landfill! Plus, I don't have to trail round trying to shop for a gift, win win 😊

@Cherrysherbet

I know it’s not the ‘done thing’ but I love this idea, and wish I’d had the courage to do this myself when mine were little! Three children, each had a big party up until age 8/9. That’s a huge amount of plastic tat!!

Asking for money that you would spend anyway is much more sensible.

I’d give £15.

If the child had around 30 kids giving £15 each, that's a ridiculous amount of money!