Page 3 | Primary children’s birthdays. How much would you give?

wombleflump · 2022-03-03T19:42:53+00:00

My dd has been invited to P1 party at soft play. The mum has asked for money not gifts. How much would you given a card. Not a close friend a classmate. Thanks

TheLoupGarou · 03/03/2022 23:05

I'd give a tenner. It's what I'd spend on a present and it's not the kids fault the parent is a CF.

CoastalWave · 03/03/2022 23:12

I'd take a gift and that's being kind. That's unbelievably rude dictating that you're to bring money. I don't even expect my guests to bring a present!

Her choice to hold a party. Actually, I'd probably turn up with just a card if I were summoned to bring cash!

inappropriateraspberry · 03/03/2022 23:17

I'd buy a present! I reckon they're Hopi g the money will cover the cost of the party and the child won't see any of it!

Tdcp · 03/03/2022 23:17

I used to £10 but this year it's been a fiver. There's always quite a few birthday parties and I can't afford to spend more as it all adds up to a lot!

ChrisSays · 04/03/2022 00:35

That’s so rude to ask for money, I would give a fiver for that cheek. It’s different if guests ask but some parents can’t afford much and would rather give a present.
Tell you what’s really radical if they don’t want a load of crap, ask for charity donation or no gifts at all. I have done that before after discussing with one of my dc. It’s meant to be about celebrating with friends not some tacky way of retrieving some of the costs.

Tdcp · 04/03/2022 08:05

I think it's worth noting that she might not have asked for money to recoup costs, a mum at school asked for money or a voucher instead of gifts because her son got a lot of presents for Christmas and he wanted a specific game to to with his new console.

Seemssounfair · 04/03/2022 08:12

@Tdcp

I think it's worth noting that she might not have asked for money to recoup costs, a mum at school asked for money or a voucher instead of gifts because her son got a lot of presents for Christmas and he wanted a specific game to to with his new console.

If the child wants a specific game then she buys it.

People have totally forgotten what gift giving is about, a gift should never be expected and should be received graciously. Now it is the giver almost demanding what they want.

Sweetener12 · 04/03/2022 08:51

I think £5-7 and maybe a handmade birthday card or a smartshow 3d video card.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 04/03/2022 11:37

A friend of ours does coins taped inside a card with pictures around for her reception aged child, so the coins are the centre of fireworks/flowers etc. I thought it was lovely, and cost effective. Going rate for gifts here is probably £5-£10 depending on how good a friend the child is - would usually go for a generic book/lego/craft in £5 region for a classmate, and something a bit more personal/nearer £10 if it is someone my child plays with regularly/really likes/sees outside of school.

nearlyspringyay · 04/03/2022 11:41

Fuck that. You don't ask for cash for a kids birthday.

I would get the biggest cheapest bit of plastic tat from the pound shop that you can.

Mine are a bit now, they love choosing presents for their good friends. They are going to a joint party tomorrow, best mates with one and don't have much to do with the other so the best mate is getting carefully chosen present from them and the other one is getting a tenner in a card from each of them.

Good friends c £20, less good £10.

caringcarer · 04/03/2022 11:58

£10 regardless of age.

beautifullymad · 04/03/2022 12:14

£5

We would club together as a whole class (if all are invited) and buy the birthday child one large gift they really wanted.

Ours was a class of 15 so we had £75 to spend on a luxurious gift. Often a big Lego set or sylvanian families.

It's such a waste of money to buy a small disposable item for £5.

drpet49 · 04/03/2022 12:30

£5. I’d rather give money than plastic tat

inappropriateraspberry · 04/03/2022 12:44

@beautifullymad

£5

We would club together as a whole class (if all are invited) and buy the birthday child one large gift they really wanted.

Ours was a class of 15 so we had £75 to spend on a luxurious gift. Often a big Lego set or sylvanian families.

It's such a waste of money to buy a small disposable item for £5.

That's a lovely idea! Much better than 15 small gifts that don't last.

Glitterbells · 04/03/2022 12:48

I don’t understand the environmental arguements.
If it was about the environment, then the party hosting mum would Stipulate that, and ask for a specified small amount eg £2, so it wouldn’t pressurise parents who may not have a lot of money into fretting about how much they give.

But just asking for money is so so grabby.
It’s basically saying I want the class parents to pay for my child’s party.
I’d be shocked if the child sees any of it.
Or the parents want a big present for their child AND a party. They can’t afford both so then expect other parents to fund the gift by asking for money. It’s shameful and embarrassing.

JS87 · 04/03/2022 12:52

How much would you spend on a present if you think it’s distasteful asking for cash. Can you buy a birthday present for less than £5? At that age we used to get those little Lego sets which used to cost £5 but have now gone up in price. I give £10 for UKS2 so would give £5.

Glitterbells · 04/03/2022 13:02

Js87 I think if a parent is struggling they could wrap up some colouring books if they needed to which may only cost £2-3. Or they could re- gift something that their child had received two of at Christmas etc.

Or I sometimes bulk buy presents. A shop local to us have small board games that are 8 each but often have them on offer two for 10. So for children ds is not close too sometimes use these. So essentially yes I do think presents can be bought for £5.

I had a big party for ds and he received presents ranging anywhere up to the value of £20 I would guess. But all we cared about was that ds friends were able to come. If a child brought a card only I would expect ds to be grateful.
I would have been horrified to think a parent may have been worrying they’d be judged on how much cash they put in an envelope.

There are some people worried to put their heating on thanks to bills and job losses. Their dc shouldn’t miss out on a party due to some grabby mother.

17caterpillars1mouse · 04/03/2022 13:06

£5 and a bag of Percy pigs

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2022 13:16

That’s VERY cheeky to ask for money. Especially as you didn’t ask what they’d like.£5 I reckon at that age. Some people have given my DS £10 or £20 for his birthday but I think that’s too much!

Notwithittoday · 04/03/2022 13:19

Very cheeky to ask for money. When we’ve received money in a card from dd’s classmates it’s been £10 but I’d be tempted to give £5 in this situation

Suzi888 · 04/03/2022 13:20

£10-15 max

Sally872 · 04/03/2022 13:25

@wombleflump

I think they will expect £10 but I feel like giving £5

Giving £5 is fine it that's your budget. This sounds s bit spiteful though.

While asking for money is frowned upon getting 30 £10 presents is a storage nightmare and cash is easier if I don't know the child so I would be pleased at being asked to give cash.

Suzi888 · 04/03/2022 13:38

I always give the receipt too. No idea if this is the done thing or not (and I don’t care)! The child can swap the toy if they want to, and I don’t want to turn up to a six year olds party looking like I only have a card.

Original poster

wombleflump · 04/03/2022 14:05

20 x £10 is £200 which is quite a lot because I know the soft play is only £100 with food!

OP posts:

GlitteryGreen · 04/03/2022 14:52

I wouldn't relate it to the party cost necessarily?

I'd more think that the kid probably has enough tat and maybe mum doesn't want anymore around.

It's just one of those things, I can see why it feels rude but equally don't blame parents for preferring not to get a deluge of £5 rubbish every birthday.

Maybe a better idea would be to ask friends to choose a book to give as a gift?