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Original poster

Am I stressed enough to go off on stress?

51 replies

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:40

I have been forced to work from home for two years now and I hate it. I live alone in a tiny flat. Sometimes I don’t see real people for a whole week, except for those I see in Tesco when I do my shopping.
My work is stressful, and I am a people person. I need to decompress, I need to feel like I am part of a team - but I don’t. I feel really isolated, it’s not my team's fault, they are crazy busy like I am. I don’t speak to my colleagues for days sometimes.

I work for the local education authority, I have back to back Teams calls most days with people who have problems and I have loads of paperwork piling up that I can’t do because I’m either taking calls all day, or just frozen with overwhelm and demotivation. I feel isolated and unhappy and all of the stress is within my own home - I have no escape. I feel trapped and it’s horrible.

Should I just carry on working miserably? I don’t think I am doing a particularly good job, which is depressing me. I feel that my reputation must be dwindling with every meeting I’m in, every report that is late. I cry once a week at least. Nobody knows, nobody sees. I put on a smile and a brave face in meetings, or at least I try to.

I want more than anything to do a good job, but I feel so overwhelmed now that I can’t. I am a shadow of the employee I could be.
I feel I need a let up, a chance to catch up with things and step off the relentless treadmill- but if I go off on sick - my reputation at work will be ruined anyway? My self esteem plummet even lower?
There would be nobody else to fill in for me if I am off except for my two colleagues. They won’t be able to recruit anyone to cover for me. So I will be making their jobs so much harder if I take time off.

But - I just don’t know if I can cope with this downward spiral I’m in. Should I just keep putting on a brave face? Can anyone advise?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2022 23:44

Sometimes I don’t see real people for a whole week, except for those I see in Tesco when I do my shopping.

Surely this is the problem?

You have no work/life balance and until you fix that, taking time off sounds like it's going to add to your stress further when you go back.

Do you have any family or friends to see and talk to? If not, can you join a couple of groups outside of work?

Catcrazy83 · 01/03/2022 23:44

Look after number one. Go and see your GP. Take the time off. Harsh as it sounds, you’re a payroll number, totally replaceable at work. Not to your friends and family thought, don’t half kill your self for a job.

Swear · 01/03/2022 23:48

It sounds as though you need to find another job, not from home.

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:51

@WorraLiberty

Sometimes I don’t see real people for a whole week, except for those I see in Tesco when I do my shopping.

Surely this is the problem?

You have no work/life balance and until you fix that, taking time off sounds like it's going to add to your stress further when you go back.

Do you have any family or friends to see and talk to? If not, can you join a couple of groups outside of work?

You’re right, I am trying, I did actually join a running group and a dance class a couple of weeks ago. It’s good and I enjoy going but it’s not enough to de stress me, I still feel overwhelmed and miserable.

I have friends but they are all marries with small children. I am single and live alone. It sounds so pathetic and sad! But I am actually a really sociable person, I was the life and soul of the party when I was 20 something. I have many good friends, but they just don’t have time to meet up with me all that often any more. The odd lunch here and there isn’t enough to compensate for the crushing aloneness and anxiety I feel in my own living room when I sit down to work every day.

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 01/03/2022 23:51

Have you spoken to your manager about this, do you have regular 1-2-1s? There should be scope for you to go back to the office now, I would hope? Please don't suffer in silence!

If you don't think you can speak to your boss about it in your current state of mind, then definitely go to the doctor and get signed off, but you are going to have to address the problems at some point or the cycle will just continue again when you return to work. Maybe occupational health could help?

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:52

@Swear

It sounds as though you need to find another job, not from home.

You are right. The problem is that it means I would have to move area, as I work for a local authority, and so I would lose what little social life and friends I actually have.

OP posts:

ttcbabyk · 01/03/2022 23:53

My thoughts are with you OP. It sounds like you're really struggling. Personally, I believe that maybe working from a space outside of your home may help.

I think you should look into maybe working from a rented space a day or two a week. I did this in my last job (I didn't pay for it) but the money you would be spending on lunches/travel you could use to rent somewhere just for a change of scenery. I worked at this really nice space in Manchester a few months ago. There was yoga rooms, gym classes, a cafe, there was mini booths, rooms to take calls in, quieter spaces, spaces with music. It was also nice to go into town at lunch. Maybe that might help?

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:54

@TheSmallAssassin

Have you spoken to your manager about this, do you have regular 1-2-1s? There should be scope for you to go back to the office now, I would hope? Please don't suffer in silence!

My line manager knows I dislike working from home, but because it is local authority he is powerless to change anything, the decisions are made too high up.

OP posts:

BaliB · 01/03/2022 23:55

Are your reports confidential (e.g. are you an ed psych etc)? Could you write them from a coffee shop etc?

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:57

@ttcbabyk

My thoughts are with you OP. It sounds like you're really struggling. Personally, I believe that maybe working from a space outside of your home may help.

Thank you. That’s a good idea. It’s just money that is the problem. I could afford to rent somewhere, but the whole reason I live in a tiny flat is because I am saving to buy. Prices are going through the roof. I really resent having to pay hundreds of pounds a month to rent and office and scupper my chances of home ownership when there is a massive county office sitting there empty for god knows what reason.

But, to save my sanity, it may be what I have to do.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2022 23:58

Ahh OP, are you on Facebook?

There are many friendship groups on there with people in your position and loads will be in your area.

Sometimes that's better than joining dance classes/running etc, because people just meet up to chat over lunch/coffee etc and organise days out. It's more chilled than exercise related things.

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 01/03/2022 23:59

@BaliB

Are your reports confidential (e.g. are you an ed psych etc)? Could you write them from a coffee shop etc?

Yes some of my work is confidential. I’m not an ed psych but it is a similar role where I am in contact with schools and support them.

OP posts:

Steelesauce · 02/03/2022 00:02

You sound depressed, not stressed. Can you see your GP? Get on some medication and see how you feel? At work, you are just a number so don't feel loyal to them.

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 02/03/2022 00:03

@WorraLiberty

Ahh OP, are you on Facebook?

There are many friendship groups on there with people in your position and loads will be in your area.

Sometimes that's better than joining dance classes/running etc, because people just meet up to chat over lunch/coffee etc and organise days out. It's more chilled than exercise related things.

Thank you Worra, I am on Facebook but live in a town not a city so I’m not sure if there will be a group? Can you suggest what I should search for to try and find such a group?

OP posts:

ttcbabyk · 02/03/2022 00:05

@Crocmonsieur
I understand the financial side may be difficult. However, some of the places aren't as expensive As they sound. The space I mentioned, was a lot cheaper than I would've thought. For two people for half a day it cost £8 I believe. Or I think it may have been £8 each. Either way, i think that was really good as there was unlimited access to coffee, tea and I would spend more on travel/daily coffee/lunch. But it could be a once or twice a week thing if you're really struggling. Maybe a library or a cafe might help? Depends on the nature of the job (if you have days where you don't have meetings or calls. Then a cafe would be perfect for those days?)

See the link for an example if you're interested in renting

bruntwood.co.uk/works/spaces/coworking/

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 02/03/2022 00:05

@Steelesauce

You sound depressed, not stressed. Can you see your GP? Get on some medication and see how you feel? At work, you are just a number so don't feel loyal to them.

I have wondered if I am depressed. I sometimes think I am, but it is situational depression. It is 100% because of my circumstances. If I could have my old life back I would be right as rain. I’m normally a very optimistic person.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crocmonsieur · 02/03/2022 00:06

Thank you @ttcbabyk

OP posts:

ttcbabyk · 02/03/2022 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/03/2022 00:10

You have to get out. Every day. Without fail. A walk. The shops for a sarnie. A midday run. Quick coffee with a friend. Pop out for a paper. Use your lunch hour. Carve that out of your day and stick to it. You must.
Look on it as a service to your clients so you can give a better service.

I really want to hug you, make you a nice drink and drag you round the block, in that order

BitOutOfPractice · 02/03/2022 00:12

I also recommend some sort of shared working space. You don't need to rent an office. Even hot desking one day a week would help. It costs maybe a tenner.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/03/2022 00:25

Surely you start by taking some annual leave rather than jumping straight into sick leave? You sound like you could do with a rest and a chance to sort out some better routines.

You sound very focused on your frustrations about not returning to office work, but I think you need to be responsible for finding ways to meet your own needs.

Are you looking for a job that would suit you better?

Definitely tell your manager you are struggled, though.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 02/03/2022 00:27

I didn't want to read and run. I was you op. Before lockdown I had worked from home for 3 years due to onset of a health condition and had just got a new job part home and part office...then lockdown. At my worst I didn't brush my hair for weeks. You get the idea.

Just wanted to share what helped. I had 2 weeks off and started citalopram at a low dose which is an anti depressant known to help with focus and motivation. I also arranged a weekly one to one catch up with my manager. I also did a Wellness Plan for work. Ask your HR for a homeworking assessment.

When the office reopened I went back in one day a week as I have to break the week up. I also have an arrangement to work at a friends house once a week. I will also go and work in Wetherspoons all day or a coffee shop.

I use Focus Mate on a daily basis for sessions as often I simply would not start otherwise. Recently I have started to update my manager weekly on what I did. I also use a spreadsheet as my to do list. I always try and have 1 social thing to go out for at the weekend.

This has all helped me catch up and I have recently joined the leisure centre. When I go swimming there is always someone to chat to in the changing room. I like spin classes for the same reason. I am also learning to drive again and this will open up more options.

I 100% couldn't work from home all week all the time, like I was pre Pandemic. I think if you have reached a point where you hate it and there are no alternatives to improve it, then look for something else- the heart needs to be not miserable!

Movingonup22 · 02/03/2022 00:34

Co working space for sure

Can you get a dog? Not a flippant suggestion - it’s a big commitment- but a dog will be company AND get you out and about chatting to people

MistySkiesAfterRain · 02/03/2022 00:40

I should add my stress only properly decreased when I faced the work issues head on, which chimes with what you say. There is no shame in it and it absolutely can improve.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 02/03/2022 00:42

But have tapered and no longer on antidepressants for 5/6 months and not relapsed.

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