Am I stressed enough to go off on stress?

[Crocmonsieur]

I have been forced to work from home for two years now and I hate it. I live alone in a tiny flat. Sometimes I don’t see real people for a whole week, except for those I see in Tesco when I do my shopping.
My work is stressful, and I am a people person. I need to decompress, I need to feel like I am part of a team - but I don’t. I feel really isolated, it’s not my team's fault, they are crazy busy like I am. I don’t speak to my colleagues for days sometimes.

I work for the local education authority, I have back to back Teams calls most days with people who have problems and I have loads of paperwork piling up that I can’t do because I’m either taking calls all day, or just frozen with overwhelm and demotivation. I feel isolated and unhappy and all of the stress is within my own home - I have no escape. I feel trapped and it’s horrible.

Should I just carry on working miserably? I don’t think I am doing a particularly good job, which is depressing me. I feel that my reputation must be dwindling with every meeting I’m in, every report that is late. I cry once a week at least. Nobody knows, nobody sees. I put on a smile and a brave face in meetings, or at least I try to.

I want more than anything to do a good job, but I feel so overwhelmed now that I can’t. I am a shadow of the employee I could be.
I feel I need a let up, a chance to catch up with things and step off the relentless treadmill- but if I go off on sick - my reputation at work will be ruined anyway? My self esteem plummet even lower?
There would be nobody else to fill in for me if I am off except for my two colleagues. They won’t be able to recruit anyone to cover for me. So I will be making their jobs so much harder if I take time off.

But - I just don’t know if I can cope with this downward spiral I’m in. Should I just keep putting on a brave face? Can anyone advise?

Take time off if you think it will help you work stuff out
I get it. I live alone, WFH and was ok until about a year in when I sobbed down the phone to my boss who said "honestly I don't know how you've done it"
Exercise definitely helps, I got a peloton 4 days ago and have been sleeping better, work feels better and I'm more "me" again. Sometimes I don't see people for weeks either

Maybe make a list of the key things you need to change.

Thanks for the suggestions. I would bloody love a dog, but as I rent, I can’t have any pets.
Can’t hot desk as I have confidential phone / Teams calls to make most days.

But you are all right, I can see I have to take proactive steps to look after my own mental health really. I think I will have to rent an office, and perhaps look at shared living in order to finance this and keep saving for a house. Either that or move somewhere else altogether for a fresh start.

I wish the pandemic never happened.

Thank you all for listening to my whinge and making such good suggestions

I think you will feel so much better if you find a way to chip away at your reports. The constant guilt at the back of the mind and the worry about someone chasing you up finding out you’ve not done them. Would you be able to do some extra hours after work to catch up on them a bit?

@Steelesauce

You sound depressed, not stressed. Can you see your GP? Get on some medication and see how you feel? At work, you are just a number so don't feel loyal to them.

But one of the key responses to stress is depression.

The op sounds stressed. They have said they are stressed. Are you medically qualified?

@Stompythedinosaur

Surely you start by taking some annual leave rather than jumping straight into sick leave? You sound like you could do with a rest and a chance to sort out some better routines.

You sound very focused on your frustrations about not returning to office work, but I think you need to be responsible for finding ways to meet your own needs.

Are you looking for a job that would suit you better?

Definitely tell your manager you are struggled, though.

Not if you are ill, no. People only ever suggest this for mental health and it is a form of bullying to suggest it - if you had bad flu would you suggest people use holiday first? No, because the contract will be clear - if sick, take sick leave.

If you work for the LEA, is there a school office you could use at least in the school holidays?

Disappointing to read the LEA won't provide an office for those who want one or don't have much space at home, that's been the case with my employer throughout, even in the March-July 2020 restrictions. Maybe under 5% used it, but it still was there.

OP this sounds really tough. I work for an LEA as well, we are all still WFH.

My advice is:

1. Be honest with your line manager about everything. If one of my team felt like this, they would be allowed back in the office for mental health support. We’d be talking about a wellness plan, and maybe looking at coaching, that kind of thing.
2. See your GP to see if they can help. I went on citalopram and feel lots better. Take some time off if you need it, to make some proactive changes and give your brain a rest.
3. Take a good look at your diary and block out either a whole day per week or two or three half days where you don’t take meetings and you can catch up on paperwork and be really strict about it. This will help you keep on top of things.
4. On your paperwork days, work from a coffee shop or change of scene by going somewhere different. Could you work from home with a colleague or a friend so at least you’re with people rather than renting a space? Or moving to a shared house even? Some days I actually went to the local pub or cafe to work in the corner (nobody could see my screen!) just to be somewhere different with people around.
5. Be strict about taking regular short breaks, eating properly (take your lunch break!) and getting some exercise/fresh air.

Take care OP, you’re doing ok.

Just popping on to recommend you get your vitamin d levels checked. I had depression for over a year and although there were some other factors, once I was on vitamin d tablets I immediately felt a lot better.

OP I don’t live alone and even some days wfh leaves me feeling isolated and depressed. On those days I find the less I speak to people the less I want to speak to people, which is weird because all I want to do is speak to people.

I’ve started to force myself to have at least a couple of non-meeting related calls on those days. Depends on your colleagues but for me it might be calling my PA and one of our trainees to check in one day, another day it might be calling a peer. I just say I haven’t spoken to you for a while, just calling to say hi.

You said you can’t change jobs because you’d have to move. Are there any private sector options?

As you work for LA you should get more support if you ask for it.

Ask for a return to the office for wellbeing reasons.
Ask for a referral to occupational health.

You could go off for a month but your same stress will still be there to return to. You have to work out whether you feel able to do your work well or you don't. You need to get back in the office, I'm like you and need people around.

Our office has been pretty hardline about people wfh, but if you can say it's a mental health issue you were allowed to go in even during hard lockdown.
However it depends if there is anyone else there. If there's not I find it worse being in the office. But surely even hardline places are going back - I'm in Scotland and even we are being encouraged to come in, so wfh cannot last much longer for you.

I think I probably do a very similar job to you but we have been back “out” since October. Before that, I felt very much the same as you. By July, I was just sitting and staring at my screen. When they told us we were continuing to WFH in September, I made an appointment with my dr and am now on Sertraline. I told my boss but there has been no further support other than one phone call. Another colleague and I had to beg to be allowed out to support the children that we work with properly. The damage is done though and I have no idea how long I will need the Sertraline or feel like I’m back to being able to do my job properly. You have my sympathy because it’s been awful.

Also another thing OP which may or may not be of comfort to you.
I massively switched off at home and do the bare minimum to get through the day, but still got a glowing review from my boss at end of year, so I doubt you're coming across as you think you are, despite your fears.

What about a holiday now we're able to go abroad again without (much) palaver. Something sociable like say Neilson or a group trip where you're in other peoples company a lot. Maybe squeeze in a late ski trip.

You need an honest discussion with your line manager and a referral to occupational health. Your work is making you stressed/depressed/unhappy/whatever. They need to support you and change things so you're not off sick.

Good luck

Have you told you manager all this. Not just the working from home bit, which he can't fix, but all the rest, some of which he can?

You need to speak to your GP too. Make try counselling and AD's?

Another option is Access to Work for mental health support - you do not need a diagnosis to access it.

I feel really isolated
frozen with overwhelm and demotivation
I cry once a week at least
I feel isolated and unhappy
I feel trapped and it’s horrible
I just don’t know if I can cope with this downward spiral I’m in

I've selected a few of your sentences above. When you read them all together, it seems clear that you need some help. I think you need to be signed off sick for a while, give your self some space to heal, and then when you brain is clearer you can make decisions about how to make life easier in the long term.

I don’t have any great suggestions for you OP, but I do absolutely feel your pain!

I too have been wfh for 2 years. I don’t live alone but I am alone most of the time and absolutely hate it. Back to back calls all day, loads of work to do in between and all the good / fun bits about working are gone. I have some health issues and am exhausted at the end of the day and do not have any energy to go out socialising. I make plans to go for a walk at lunchtime but it falls by the wayside most days.

I did make a Drs appointment when I was at a low but it was a call and I didn’t felt listened to and got a referral for one of the physical issues.
A friend suggested I was depressed, but like you, I say I am not, I just don’t want to be in my situation

Two things getting me through - firstly we are returning to the office occasionally & I love those days. I need more people to turn up though! I also have planned a sabbatical later in the year & am working towards that.

I could have written this post - you're not alone in feeling like this!

I went to see my GP and also did some private counselling sessions. I specifically asked not to be signed off work because I didn't think my anxiety would cope with the going back after time off.

I also asked to go back in the office full time as soon as we were allowed. If being at home is damaging your mental health then your work need to do something about this if their plan is to keep you at home forever and not temporarily. You shouldn't be paying for an office space out of your own pocket. Presumably you started pre-covid and your contract therefore says you're office-based. Thr covid rules have lifted, there's no reason for you not to be back in now!!

Hope you find a solution and start the process of recovering and feeling better xx

Lots of good advice here, especially from @MrsTWH.

You need to speak to your line manager again, you don't just "dislike working from home" it is making you ill! They need to involve Occupational Health and escalate it up if the decisions are made higher up, not just sit on their hands. I know that you might not feel able to make a fuss and push it further.

You absolutely should not use your own money to hire a working space! Employees should not be out of pocket to do their job.

Checking in @Crocmonsieur, how are you feeling this weekend? I am in a similar situation and Sunday evening dread is strong tonight!

Hi, I had similar. After being signed off work for a few weeks, the GP suggested that being isolated at home was the problem. He wrote a fit note recommending that I return to the office. My workplace were very supportive and I’ve been back now for 3 months and feel a lot better. Hope you get better soon

Hi @Inaquandary123 thanks for checking in I’m okay thank you, seen some friends his weekend which cheered me up a bit. Joining you with the Sunday night dread though - hence awake at 11:30! Sending wishes to you for a good week xx

Thanks for sharing this @Gotajobthrunepotism, good to know this is an option. I wonder if I could get such a note without having to go off on stress first.

I did tell my manager on Friday. He brushed me off rather: “You’re not the only one to feel this way, we all want to go back in, though we also have to accept things won’t ever go back to the way they were”.
I don’t think I emphasised enough how much it’s affecting me. It’s hard having these conversations over a screen when you can’t sense the other person’s mood. He seemed a bit impatient with me- maybe he was having a bad day.

I think you need to be clear with your manager in writing that you are finding it extremely difficult and if you don't get support you are worried you will need to go off with stress. Then document the conversations.

Please do think about what you can do too - speak to the GP, keep up running club, maybe volunteer for an animal shelter? It sounds like what you need is more purpose as the last couple of years have stripped away the things you'd built your life around. I know an awful lot of us have lost our sense of direction too