Have you ever just left when your DC weren’t ready on time ?

[PurpleHollyhocks]

Just that really, DH has now decided on a zero tolerance strategy and just left without our DD.

Ho

Oops

How old is dd?
Where was he and dd going?
Did he warn her in advance of the zero tolerance thing?
How often does she make him late?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I take it that you meant No !

My dad did it once when my sister wasn't ready for school on time, after repeated warnings.

He never had to do it again.

It was the start of How.....

My page keeps crashing as I type

Obviously depends on the age of the child. Age 3yrs or age 15yrs makes a huge difference.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
She’s 11. Not late as such but the usual stuff of tweens. I think it’s a bit much an whooshing DC along is just one of those things we have to do

How old is the child?

X-post Is she affected by not going? I mean is it a trip to the supermarket or to eat out?

[quote PurpleHollyhocks]@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
She’s 11. Not late as such but the usual stuff of tweens. I think it’s a bit much an whooshing DC along is just one of those things we have to do[/quote]
I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do if, after multiple warnings, a NT, secondary age xhild is complacently slacking. All human beings learn through consequences.

I made ds leave the house once only half dressed. I never had to do it again!

Good on dad. She’ll take him seriously next time. Short term pain for long term gain.

I've never threatened this but I have threatened taking DC to school in pyjamas and I would 100% do this if I had to. Depending on where your DH was heading, I think it's possibly fair.

I agree that whooshing DC along to leave the house is to be expected, but at some point they need to be able to do it themselves. 11 seems the right age for this (my DC are a few years younger). Would a written checklist by the door be helpful? My DC are visual remembers (not a real word )

So is she being left on her own?

I don't blame him. It's not so much my kids that are the issue though but the H. I've started just leaving without him as I can't tolerate the faffing. We have to be somewhere this pm and I know he'll dick about and it will potentially mean rushing which I can't stand. I'll go independently and tolerate the silk as I'm no longer willing to compromise on this particular issue. I like to be early. That's it.

I'd do this with an 11 year old as well. I think the fact you think that "whooshing DC along" is a normal thing to do suggests that you have got used to babying her and this is a regular occurrence.

There's really not enough info, although at least you've told us her age now.

Left to go where? Was she given an absolute time to be ready by? Is it somewhere that being even a few minutes late would make a difference?

Yes that’s what I thought. I simply do baby too much, I need to be tougher.

@DiddyHeck oh sports training, visit to granny. That kind of thing ….
Like I said above, I’m too soft and baby my DC too much I think so it’s good to get perspective

My mother certainly nearly did when I’d fallen back to sleep after she’d woken me up. I’ve never got ready so quickly in my entire life. She had no choice it she’d be late for work. I do t think it was a tactic.

If she’d been given plenty of warning and enough time to be ready then yeah fine, but did she really want to go to sports & visiting granny?

Maybe she’s secretly happy to have found a way out of stuff she doesn’t want to do?

I'd give her one warning and leave without her too then.

Yes, I've done it a few times, including to my husband. He sometimes decides, as I'm at the door with coat and shoes on, that an unimportant job like cutting his toenails and fingernails needs to be done at that exact moment, in spite of knowing for hours/days that we needed to leave the house no later than 11am. I get very pissed off with badly organised people disrupting my plans.

I think there's a difference between "ready at front door and waiting" and "whooshing along".

I'll tell ds to be ready at X time.

2 mins before that I'll say "you ready". This is his cue to put on coat and shoes etc.

If he thought it was his cue to get off computer, get washed and dressed and have a snack - yes - he'd be left behind

You do feel you've babied dd. Only you know how and why as you've given no examples here.

I guess the solution is you and DH can't and decide your rules and solutions and they are then passed on to dd clearly and with the time of voice showing you mean it!

Leaving an 11 year old at home if they have not complied with the instruction about when to be ready to go seems mostly reasonable to me.

Where were they going? How much notice had he given of when to be ready?.

You can talk all you like about having to whoosh the child along, but there comes a point when you have to stop babying them and they have to get on with it. An 11 year old is either secondary school age or will be going there next September, so should be able to cope with this. If not, and it was for something they really wanted to do, then it is a lesson that they probably won't need to repeat.