Have you ever just left when your DC weren’t ready on time ?

[PurpleHollyhocks]

Just that really, DH has now decided on a zero tolerance strategy and just left without our DD.

I did it once. But to a 15yo who could be left home alone while the rest of us went to where we were going. They could also walk down to where we were if they so wished.

Did your DH’s plan work or did it just dump the problem of running late onto you?

Also, has DD got form for farting about and making everyone late. If so then teaching her this lesson is perfectly reasonable.

I wish my parents had done this with my brother, just once.

I was late for my first day at high school because my brother was messing around.

I'm mid 50s and still resentful.

(my brother's school was 10 mins walk away, mine was the other side of town and I was supposed to be there 15 mins before my brother's school opening times.)

[quote PurpleHollyhocks]@DiddyHeck oh sports training, visit to granny. That kind of thing ….
Like I said above, I’m too soft and baby my DC too much I think so it’s good to get perspective[/quote]
Sports training or something which is presumably mainly for DC's benefit. Totally reasonable to say they can't go if they can't even make the effort to be ready on time.

Visit to granny (which is presumably at least partly for Granny's benefit) I would be looking at other consequences.

I wouldn't expect any more "whooshing" than providing the information (probably day before) that we would be leaving at x time, and then possibly a "going in 10 minutes" type warning, especially if they seemed to be dithering.

I'm completely would. I have an 11 year old she knows full well she isn't in the car after a warning that she will go. I am very hands off and have been for years with them. When younger I used to tell them what they needed to get to be ready and a few reminders. Now just remind them about half an hour before and then 2 mins before. If they regularly dalied about I absolutely would leave them behind. So annoying.

I’ve done it to a 15 year old before. His younger siblings would have been late for school if we had waited any longer.

He was furious and had to get to school on his bike, late and in the rain. He didn’t do it again

Yes I do.. I do it to dp as well when he goes for one of his famous poos just as we're about to step out the door...... The dc learned the first time I did it. Still working on dp tho

It depends on the details, but generally yes, I think that's fine. They have to learn from consequences.

I've never had to do this, but I have taken many a pre-schooler out without shoes/a coat before now. They decide pretty quickly that they DO want their shoes on after all. Saves endless arguing and nagging.

Done it to my DH 😂. After years of him deciding he needs the toilet/ drink a glass of water / reply to texts etc just as I have my coat and shoes on ready to leave.
So left without him. He's never done it again. If I say we're leaving at 11 then he's fully ready at 11 now 😜

I wouldn’t to an 11 year old would to a 14 year old. To me 11 is a bit young but it’s a matter of judgement.

I think it's fine, as long as they had fair preparation for leaving and were aware there would be a consequence.
I had a child brought to school in pyjamas once, mum had threatened it and carried it through. My whole Reception class was like this but everyone was very punctual after that!

My ‘strong willed’ daughter was 2 nearly 3 and had massive tantrums when it was time to take my other daughter to school, refused to get dressed etc. I said I’d take her in her vest and knickers if she carried on. One morning I was in tears she was so awful, put her in the car hysterical in her underwear, she couldn’t believe I’d done it! Got dressed when we got to school in the car and never did it again! Same child at 5 having a massive tantrum and I threatened to drop one child at breakfast club and not her, got really bad so I did. Drove my youngest round the corner and sat in the car until she calmed down. I was nearly late for work but it was much better after that.

At 11 I think there need to be consequences!

This post seems really harsh but I devote a lot of time to my daughter (probably too much!) and she’s well loved 😊

Zero tolerance in our house too. We are the most punctual family you could meet, haha.

Whether it was dithering for school or wanting a lift to a friends house - you knew when our parents set the time to be ready then you were at the door ready - not running off for your shoes, not in the middle of eating - stood at the front door ready.

It only takes once!

There was the speech - I've got better things to do than wait around for someone who hasen't even got the respect to be ready on time for me when I'm doing them a favour!!

Life lessons!

I've done this to my DH before . It's very effective. Wouldn't do it to 4yo for obvious reasons but I might to an older child who could safely be left alone.

As I've said countless times, I'm neither an alarm clock, a personal maid/valet nor a sergeant major.

Don’t be like me -16 year old holding entire house to ransom because they decided they now don’t want to attend an event they begged to attend. He has to be dropped somewhere else after said event but we can’t afford the fuel for two trips to almost the same place. So now we’ve three expensive tickets and nobody can go.
He has form for this. Is late for everything and makes us wait. I have been too soft and it has resulted in this selfish arse. I’ve been doing it all backwards and not planning events/outings in case he behaves this way. Start as you mean to go on!

@TakingTheLowRoad

Don’t be like me -16 year old holding entire house to ransom because they decided they now don’t want to attend an event they begged to attend. He has to be dropped somewhere else after said event but we can’t afford the fuel for two trips to almost the same place. So now we’ve three expensive tickets and nobody can go. He has form for this. Is late for everything and makes us wait. I have been too soft and it has resulted in this selfish arse. I’ve been doing it all backwards and not planning events/outings in case he behaves this way. Start as you mean to go on!

Why can't you go and leave the 16 year old?

Yes.
Ds is 12 and a nightmare. He forgets what you tell him and drifts off. But dc go swimming same time, every week. We leave the house and walk. It's about 15 mins Same time, every week. Every week is a drama. He also has form for getting there (if I've driven) and suddenly realising he's forgotten towel/ swimming trunks/ pjs.

I saw my arse one week and just went with the other dc.

He did turn up, running like fuck about 5 minutes later.

@TakingTheLowRoad
Why did you not leave 16 Year Old behind and let him miss the event close by?

@TakingTheLowRoad

Don’t be like me -16 year old holding entire house to ransom because they decided they now don’t want to attend an event they begged to attend. He has to be dropped somewhere else after said event but we can’t afford the fuel for two trips to almost the same place. So now we’ve three expensive tickets and nobody can go. He has form for this. Is late for everything and makes us wait. I have been too soft and it has resulted in this selfish arse. I’ve been doing it all backwards and not planning events/outings in case he behaves this way. Start as you mean to go on!

This would infuriate me and I would be plotting my revenge . At the very least, selfish 16 year old's allowance would be docked until the cost of the tickets was paid back.

Have you suggested that he at least comes and sits in a cafe while those who want to attend do so?

• who are all these grown men being left behind , cos of this shit? I’m only asking cos MINE does it too ! Always a pee as we’re literally opening the door to leave ! And generally as he’s been sat doing nothing in the chaos.

I did it once with ds and it worked, he didn’t ever do it again. I did tell dh before I left the house so he there to watch ds who was about 7. Just me going out the door was enough.

My cousin once took her ds to school in his pyjamas as he was mucking about and refusing to get dressed. He didn’t ever do that again and was mortified at have to get dressed at school!

Tough love within reason is good as teaches consequences of actions. My DP is tardy as well and we have missed a plane once!

No, I never had to, but I absolutely wouldn’t blame anyone who did.

Kids who habitually dither and dawdle are never going to learn unless there are uncomfortable consequences.

My DF used to to give us a lift to school now and then (a 2 mile walk otherwise) but he always made it very clear that if we weren’t ready, he’d go without us. And we knew he meant it. So if not driven, we’d have been very late for school.

As regards school, IMO this should certainly be normal once they’re past primary age. Learning to be ready on time is IMO an important life skill.

11? Hell yeah. Time to grow up really...

Both event and where he has to go to afterwards (school) are almost two hours away -we can't afford to do the journey up and down twice, either separately or together. We suggested he comes with us and stays with a relative but he's refusing to get up. He's already had to pay the cost of two tickets and we've sent all three tickets to another family member for him to attend instead. But now we're all sitting in the house quietly seething with each other. And dreading later when he will have to get up and go back to school.