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Original poster

Changing my surname

65 replies

Hopetobeamumof4 · 26/02/2022 21:07

Hi girls,

This sounds a bit odd I think but I wondered what the general opinion is? I’m still married and have my exes surname still. We have been split for a good while and am about to start a divorce. I’m with a new partner and we are having a baby in July and getting married in summer 2023. I want to have my partners surname when my baby is born. Is it weird if I change my name to his surname is that when the baby is born we will both have the same surnames on the birth certificate? We’d be getting married next summer anyway so my name would be changing then anyway. Is this weird? 😂 x

OP posts:
tobypercy · 26/02/2022 21:19

It seems unusual but reasonable to me.

I had a (male) friend who changed his surname to his fiancee's a year or two before their wedding, he wasn't attached to his previous surname as it belonged to his stepfather and there were issues. It made sense to both of them. It only got weird when he split up with the fiancee and then some years later married someone else.... who took his (new) surname. I did find that a bit odd! So I guess I'm concluding that you should be absolutely sure neither of you will change your mind, then go for it.

And congratulations Flowers

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 21:24

Put the babies name as his surname is that what you want. You don't need to change yours you til your wedding. After the wedding you let the lm know in the registry office and pay the fee to change your surname on babies certificate and pay the fee. Up to you really doesn't really matter what way you do it

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 21:24

Either way you pay a fee

ThymePoultice · 26/02/2022 21:28

If having the same surname as the baby is important to you, prioritise that - revert to your so-called “maiden” name, give baby your name, change both when or if you marry.

If having the same name as your partner matters most, then do a change of name deed now.

BessAndCress · 26/02/2022 21:31

Hmm. I had various kneejerk reactions as I skimmed your post, but having absorbed it a bit more, I actually think it's not a bad idea. I'm assuming you would go back to your maiden name rather than your current surname, if you and your partner split? i.e. your current surname is on the way out regardless?

I suppose another option would be to change back to your maiden name now, and then when you marry your partner, you can re-register the birth and get a new certificate - I think that part's technically a legal obligation, I'm sure someone else here will know more about it.

You also have the option of giving baby your maiden name, regardless. You often hear people say on MN that they wish they'd done that.

BessAndCress · 26/02/2022 21:33

I mean, they wish they'd given baby their surname. Because they've then been left holding the baby.

123ZYX · 26/02/2022 21:36

Does your username suggest you already have 3 children? If so, think about how they would feel that you're changing so that you no longer have their surname, just so that you have the surname of your new baby

dfendyr · 26/02/2022 21:39

How many children do you have currently?

What are their last names?

Don't give the baby any surname but your own.

merrymelodies · 26/02/2022 21:42

@dfendyr Why wouldn't the OP give the baby its father's surname? Or both surnames?

Original poster
Hopetobeamumof4 · 26/02/2022 21:55

So I currently have the same surname as my three children but they know that I want to revert back to my maiden name as I’m not with their dad anymore. My new partner lives with me and our baby is due in July and ideally I would like to have the same surname as my new baby and my new partner. So all three of us woukd have the same surname. I’d take his name when we get married next year anyway. My other three children understand this. So I wondered if I was weird to change my name by deedpoll now before baby comes so I can have the same surname as them. I want them to have my partners surname and not my maiden name x

OP posts:
User405 · 26/02/2022 22:02

I think it's weird.

To have three children already who exist and to change your name so that you can have the same name as a different child who isn't even born.

Why does it matter to have the same name as a child?

But it doesn't matter if you don't have the same name as these three children.

I don't get it. It either matters or it doesn't matter.

sherbetmelon · 26/02/2022 22:03

I was in the position as your 3 children. I understood why my mum did it but it didn't stop it hurting, a lot.

mmarket · 26/02/2022 22:07

Surely you register the baby with your partner's name, and change yours on marriage? If I were your 3 kids, it would probably sting that you can't wait for your wedding to have the same name as the new baby, but can happily not have the same name as them.

Just register the baby with your soon-to-be name, and change yours after your wedding.

stairway · 26/02/2022 22:07

Imo you should revert back to your maiden name and give baby that name. When you get married he can take your name if he wants to.

BessAndCress · 26/02/2022 22:07

Thinking again - why do it now? Is it so bad to have a different surname for a year?

I take it you are 100% confident the wedding will go ahead? You've not given us any reason to think it wouldn't, but perhaps it's wise not to bend over backwards in case your partner could be the type to turn round and say "Do we have to? You've already got my name and we have a child..."

(Sorry, all the bending over and turning round in my post has given me the giggles! I'm keeping them in Grin )

amy2021 · 26/02/2022 22:11

Just be mindful of travel if you ever plan to travel with your 3 existing children as you will get questioned at immigration and may be expected to produce birth certificates.

I didn't have my partners surname as we'd just got married and had to unexpectedly travel alone with my son and got challenged about what my relationship
Was 'to the child'. Luckily I had our marriage certificate on me!

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 22:14

Can you not double barrel new partners name with your surname now cause you didn't change your surname when you and your ex ended so if you didn't meet a new partner you would just stay with you ex's surname right ?

Or will your partner find that too weird ?

Original poster
Hopetobeamumof4 · 26/02/2022 22:26

We’ve put a deposit down on the wedding so I have no reason to think it won’t go ahead. I totally understand the point about my other children being hurt about me wanting to change my name now. But I’d be changing it when we got married anyway so I didn’t think it mattered/ I guess I’d like to have the same surname as one of my children and going forward that would be the surname of my baby x

OP posts:
GCG1 · 26/02/2022 22:27

I think I'd double barrel my surname if I were in this situation 'current surname-new surname'

My friend had her maiden name on babes cert. After they married they changed the cert to have her married name

ExtremelyDelighted · 26/02/2022 22:29

Can't you keep your current surname and your fiance and unborn child take it too so you all have the same surname?

spotcheck · 26/02/2022 22:33

Gosh ...
All this name changing.

How old are your current children, that they are so understanding and mature about this?
Don't you think they will actually be hurt that you ' want to have the same name as one of your children, but you've chosen your baby?'

In that situation I'd revert to my maiden name, and not have the same name as any of my children.

Original poster
Hopetobeamumof4 · 26/02/2022 22:38

I don’t want to keep my ex husbands name though! And pretty sure my fiancé wouldn’t want his name either. He has an established career as well so changing his name would be a little odd. Ahhh I don’t have a clue what to do now. I didn’t see it as favouring my baby, just that I’d have my fiancés name in a year or so anyway. Last thing I want to do is hurt my children though x

OP posts:
dfendyr · 26/02/2022 22:46

Why does it matter to have the same name as a child?

But it doesn't matter if you don't have the same name as these three children.

This

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 22:50

Can your older children double barrel their surname with new partners name if they wanted x

123ZYX · 26/02/2022 22:53

Could you revert to your maiden name (or choose a new one - your mums maiden name? Completely new?), then double barrel baby's surname and your current three children's? They way you'll have a connection to all four children

It must have been a tough few years with you separating from their dad then having a new man in their home and new baby sibling on the way before your divorce has gone through