Would you turn back time?

[Hannah8514]

If you could, would you turn back time and if so, to when and why?

I would say @Snugglepumpkin that there seems to be a great deal of anger in your post. Do you really know it was your sister?

Even if it was, there is so much vitriol in your post that I would think that possibly your parents had a hand in the state of your relationship.

You seem to really hate your sister and that isn't normal. Where did that hatred come from?

@Pangolin44

I would say *@Snugglepumpkin* that there seems to be a great deal of anger in your post. Do you really know it was your sister?

Even if it was, there is so much vitriol in your post that I would think that possibly your parents had a hand in the state of your relationship.

You seem to really hate your sister and that isn't normal. Where did that hatred come from?

Yes. She was the only person to visit them for over a fortnight before they became infected (they have been not having visitors for the past 2 years because they were shielding) & she took a test after visiting for some work related reason which came up positive so told them the next day. She knew they were not able to be vaccinated. They had no contact with anyone else after that until testing themselves & getting sick.

Now my dad is dying.
She's phoning various people up screaming they won't give her sympathy & are more worried about the person dying than her feelings.

My sister is a 50+ year old grandmother not a teenager.

I don't want to hate her but right now, having seen her melodramatic posts & messages she's sending about being 'kept away from his deathbed' with no mention of why he's on it I'm angry.
She is making it harder for everyone.

I've got my mother phoning me in tears for hours between visits to my dad, my sister screeching nobody cares how she feels & I'm trying to shop for funeral clothes.

I mean literally screaming & screeching about nobody understanding her rights/feelings etc...
I am not exaggerating the level of the tantrum she appears to have been throwing for the past couple of days.

So many sad posts on here.

Mine lighthearted, I’d go back to the year 1998 and choose a different degree- have a different career and avoid buying a certain dodgy Fiesta.

I would go back to talk to my mum who died when I was 4 years old. I can't imagine how different life would have been if she had stayed with us. Even if I couldn't change things and make sure she survived, I would love to just talk to her and get to know her. She's a great mystery to me.

I’d love to head back to 1999. So much optimism.

I’d unexpectedly aced my A Levels (AAAB) and was about to start a university degree I’d dreamed of doing. I had been travelling in my gap year and really started to gain in confidence. Natural confidence also helped me grow into my looks and I felt genuinely attractive for the first time in my life. Anything was possible back then!

On a more serious note, whilst I wouldn’t change the babies I have for the world, going back in time to when we started ttc in 2013 and getting the right support much earlier to have avoided five awful years of infertility, four miscarriages, invasive IVF rounds and surgery would have been preferable. It’s been a long, hard road and frankly I’d rather be a person who hasn’t gone through all that shit.

I'd love to be able to turn back time but still know what I know now otherwise it might all work out the same

I don't know @Snugglepumpkin, you sound quite hyperbolic too.

There is so much anger in your description.

Even if your sister is firing out in all directions. Did you love her once? Can you find a commonality?

Your anger and pain won't help you ultimately.

@Snugglepumpkin, did she/your parents know she was positive before visiting as can't work out the time line. Also I do understand her upset, why are you stopping her visiting him now, punishment?

Yes I'd go back to my childhood and I've literally prayed for that to happen before. How stupid am I?

@Orangesox

Yes, I’d turn it back to just after Christmas and frogmarch my stubborn mother to the doctor about her cough, fatigue and breathlessness rather than letting her brush it off as “a cold”; she might not have died on the 31st of January if they’d picked up on her cardiac problems (diagnosed via post mortem) that she wouldn’t seek medical attention for.

I'm sorry hon, we're the same, it was Christmas 2011 for us, only bowel cancer and she went in August xxx

There are moments I'd like to relive -- try to handle them differently & see if my life would have turned out differently. Perhaps not!

No. I also wouldn't be young again for anything. What I would like is for this period of my life to stretch on for 50 years!

[quote LtMoose]@SassenachWitch not the point of the thread, but why did you leave and why do you regret it?[/quote]
@LtMoose

Honestly, I think I had a midlife crisis at 27 I’d had both my children by the age of 24, got married at 27, woke up one day thinking “Wow is this it, do I just grow old now” and I started to see my husband in a different light, he’d always had his faults, but I didn’t wanna deal with them anymore. Also, it was the year my 1st grandparent died, I’d never even attended a funeral before that and I think it made me question my own mortality. I wanted more from life etc.

If I knew then, what I know now, I’d have stayed exactly where I was

I would go back to when my first babe was born and tell myself that everything it going to be ok, to enjoy him rather than worry all the time.

Yes, to 2017 before my Mum died and I'd tell her to take the bloody medication, I might be in my 40s but I still needed her.

To just before my ex started his affair and we had the best holiday with our DD's. I would just go and soak up as much of DD1's happiness before her daddy broke her heart and caused her to be diagnosed with anxiety and childhood trauma 💔 it wouldn't change anything but I could speak to exh and help him with the sadness and breakdown he was silently experiencing.

[quote MichelleScarn]**@Snugglepumpkin, did she/your parents know she was positive before visiting as can't work out the time line. Also I do understand her upset, why are you stopping her visiting him now, punishment?[/quote]
She found out shortly after visiting them. They'd had no visitors prior and none after.
Mom has stopped her visiting because Dad doesn't want to see her because he blames her.

I do get your anger @Snugglepumpkin but you have to know that she wouldn't have passed it on intentionally. Her acting out is GUILT and she can't handle that guilt so she's acting out so everyone absolves her of blame. Assuming long term you want a relationship, you need to work out a way to forgive an accident.

I'm not stopping her doing anything.
I'm just being phoned & emotionally dumped on by everyone else.
I understand my mother doing so, she is losing her husband & hasn't been without him since the early 60s.

I am hundreds of miles away & won't be able to go up until tomorrow if he makes it through tonight, which will mean me travelling all morning, staying an hour at the hospital then travelling back home.

Whoever said I don't love my sister, I've been thinking about it & I think you are right.
It's just a habit because you are supposed to love your family.

We have nothing in common other than being siblings.
We look so different (& we are definitely full siblings) people don't even believe we are related & while I am basically a clone of my dad, as are both my boys (same interests, same physical build, same aptitudes & abilities, similar personalities) , she has a very different personality - more like my mother but not the same.

I think after the funeral I'll just cut contact completely.
She is only interested in people who will drink with her & since I stopped drinking at all she never comes to visit anyway.

I won't visit her as her current boyfriend smokes drugs in the house so I'm not comfortable there anyway.

She is a functional alcoholic who is only interested in sex with anything that will say yes (regardless of whether she is married, in a relationship or single), luxury holidays, plastic surgery, shopping in designer shops & drinking.
She earns her own money to fund that lifestyle & it's up to her how to live her life, but she wants me to live that life too & won't respect my desire not to live that way or even accept I don't aspire to do so.

Nobody is allowed to criticise her choices anyway as she will physically attack you for suggesting her every choice is not perfect.

I am angry.
And sad.
And losing my dad although this is the only thread I've even mentioned it on.
I have nobody to talk to about how I feel other than my mother who needs me to listen to her right now, not add to her own grief so I can't do that.

I think the Turn back Time title just set me off because I am losing a sister & a father really.
When you are always so careless of other people the way my sister is, these sort of accidents become inevitable.

I'm not coming back to this thread as I think it has set me off.
I didn't even realise how angry I was until I read it back.
Dwelling on it right now isn't going to help anybody & her guilt is not my responsibility.

I wanna go back and have a conversation with my mum in which she acknowledges she's going to die and we could say some kind of goodbye.

Go back and be able to do things differently? Or just go back and relive it? There are some regrets I would do something about definitely, but I don't think I would go back just to relive anything, especially knowing what hard times were ahead.

I’d go back to the months before lockdown started and pick up on the signs that DD was becoming ill. I’d get treatment/help for her then and hopefully the AN wouldn’t take hold.

Yes and no.

Yes as I wish I'd been firmer or not stayed in 1 particular relationship/friendship.

Yes to leaving a job which although was stable really held me back and was very very boring.

But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

If I keep the knowledge that I have now, I'd go back to age 12, homeschool myself through GCSEs, and see how different my life would have been without the following decade of absolutely crippling depression and self-hatred. I'd have the counterarguments to give to 'all children have to go to school' and such, and the vocabulary and emotional maturity to make myself heard.

If I can't change anything, just relive it, then the lovely year I spent in Cambridge.

God yes. 2013-2020, the years I got to spend with DH. I'd live those years on a loop if I could.

About 3 weeks. I wouldn't have let my cat out and she wouldnt have been killed on the road. I miss her so much.