Talk to me about Discord please

ButterflyBitch · 2022-02-21T16:52:13+00:00

I’ve discovered my sons on Discord which when I look is for 17+ he seems to just be chatting to his friends on there. I know nothing about it. Is it safe for him or not. He’s 12. Thanks muchly for any help

MontgomeryHawka · 21/02/2022 16:56

It’s not safe. My son saw some awful things on there, he got it to chat to friends but ended up deep in inappropriate places. You can’t set parental controls. Both the App and Website are now completely banned and blocked.

TeaScoop · 21/02/2022 16:57

It depends what discord channels he is in or who he's talking to, if it really is just his real life friends or not.
Its a software for various Chatrooms essentially, you can join all sorts.

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:01

@MontgomeryHawka

It’s not safe. My son saw some awful things on there, he got it to chat to friends but ended up deep in inappropriate places. You can’t set parental controls. Both the App and Website are now completely banned and blocked.

Can they see anything or do they have to join a chat room first?

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:02

@TeaScoop

It depends what discord channels he is in or who he's talking to, if it really is just his real life friends or not. Its a software for various Chatrooms essentially, you can join all sorts.

It looks like it’s just his friends at the moment but I don’t want him to be seeing things he shouldn’t.

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BertieBotts · 21/02/2022 17:02

It's a platform where people can connect in and communicate using voice or text chat, primarily used for games, because you can have it running alongside your game and not have to use the in-game voice chat system. It works with "channels" so you can set up a channel and invite your friends (or strangers) to that channel. You can also join channels that other people have started.

Like most things, it's fine if used responsibly but because all the channels are user-created there is the possibility for him to join channels which would not be appropriate. We let our 13yo use it but I check it every so often to see what channels he's part of. He just uses it to talk to school friends, and I'm fine with that. DH and I use it to talk to our friends too.

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:02

@MontgomeryHawka

It’s not safe. My son saw some awful things on there, he got it to chat to friends but ended up deep in inappropriate places. You can’t set parental controls. Both the App and Website are now completely banned and blocked.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but how did he get into inappropriate places?

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Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:04

@BertieBotts

It's a platform where people can connect in and communicate using voice or text chat, primarily used for games, because you can have it running alongside your game and not have to use the in-game voice chat system. It works with "channels" so you can set up a channel and invite your friends (or strangers) to that channel. You can also join channels that other people have started.

Like most things, it's fine if used responsibly but because all the channels are user-created there is the possibility for him to join channels which would not be appropriate. We let our 13yo use it but I check it every so often to see what channels he's part of. He just uses it to talk to school friends, and I'm fine with that. DH and I use it to talk to our friends too.

Thank you. I will talk to him and explain he’s only to talk to friends on there and not strangers. As per anything he knows that I can check his phone at anytime to make sure he’s safe. Just a bit worried he joined something and ignored the age warning.

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BertieBotts · 21/02/2022 17:05

You can't see content from a channel until you have joined it.

You can either join a channel deliberately, or somebody can add you to one. So if any of his friends that are on there are liable to add him to anything dodgy, that could be something to be aware of.

You couldn't join by accident except by this being invited.

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:05

@BertieBotts

You can't see content from a channel until you have joined it.

You can either join a channel deliberately, or somebody can add you to one. So if any of his friends that are on there are liable to add him to anything dodgy, that could be something to be aware of.

You couldn't join by accident except by this being invited.

That’s good to know. Thank you.

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BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 21/02/2022 17:06

I use discord in relation to a game I play. The main game channel is very heavily moderated so nothing dodgy gets through. Aside from that I have a separate channel with just friends in it, you have to be invited to join. If you monitor his channels it should be fine.

MontgomeryHawka · 21/02/2022 17:16

I’m not sure how he got into the inappropriate channels, I believe he was invited by a friend whose parents don’t appear to moderate his internet use.

girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 17:17

If he's only in channels with his friends he's fine

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:17

Fab thanks everyone. I’ve spoken to him and reiterated the rules and told him if he’s ever concerned to chat to me. He’s pretty sensible but innocent so think he’d leave anything that he wasn’t happy with but just don’t want anything dodgy popping up. Will keep an eye on it. Thanks again.

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Icaru · 21/02/2022 17:24

If he joins a server for a fav game (e.g. a minecraft one) then under default settings anyone else who has also joined (some have millions of members) can private message and video call him without him needing to confirm as friends afaik. Unless discord has changed their privacy settings to default to 'messages only from friends' since I joined.

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 17:33

I will check that. Thanks Icaru

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BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 21/02/2022 17:37

You can change the settings in the Privacy and Safety tab of the settings window to 'Keep me safe' - this will scan incoming messages for explicit content. Not 100% fool proof by any means and obviously he could change it, but better than nothing.

You can also control who can add him as a friend (make sure they're all switched off so he has to add people himself) and ban direct messages from server members.

You'll need to keep an eye on his settings if you're going to let him use it though. They're incredibly easy to change. While discord is a great platform to connect with people while gaming, it isn't for children.

Original poster

ButterflyBitch · 21/02/2022 19:46

Ok thank you Breasted. I will sort that too. I will keep an eye as well. Really appreciate everyone’s input.

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Love2dance · 15/03/2022 11:30

Late last night DH discovered that DS (just turned 15) has Discord (we do random phone checks). We have found out that DS has been dm'd by a "girl" a few days ago who claimed to be 14. They have been conversing over the last few days. Chit chat about gaming and interests looked innocuous enough but to an adult eye there were red flags:

"She" asked which area he lives in (he told her);
"She" mentioned she lives in the North of our city and named an area, but I know the area is not in the North of the city, so the person cannot be from our city and might not even be in the UK;
They swapped normal photos but then this soon turned into a request from "her" for a *ick pick;
When he asked for a phone number and her Snapchat info "she" claimed her parents did not allow WhatsApp or Snapchat (I mean - what 14 year old asks for a *ick pick and does not even have WhatsApp?!);
When he talked about what music grade he is on, the person did not know what that was and he had to explain;
DS invited her on a date next weekend and while the answer was not no, the person suggested at 14 she wouldn't get into a 15 film.

We are stunned and I struggled to get to sleep. I am trying to work out what to do: we will obviously talk to him and nip this in the bud, but were also wondering whether to watch and wait to see if the person makes more inappropriate requests or tries to set up a meeting. Even if we report it, we have no idea who the person is.

Please, please, mums and dads, even if your DC is a teen, keep a watchful eye. We have spoken to DS about internet safety, he knows about Breck Bednar and has good internet safety education at school, but he is a teen with raging hormones and teens takes risks.

CharSiu · 15/03/2022 13:17

I’m admin in a discord channel but it’s invite only so fine but if he adds anyone as a friend they can send any picture they want. I just wouldn’t want him in it at all.

CharSiu · 15/03/2022 13:19

@Love2dance report it now they are soliciting pictures from a child.

Love2dance · 15/03/2022 21:24

Thanks @CharSiu. We had a chat with him tonight. I told him about the red flags and what to look for when meeting someone online and Discord is now banned and the person has been reported.

DH and I are still getting our heads around the fact that online is where so many people meet these days, but he is only 15 and we are encouraging him to meet real people in social situations (not easy after lockdown and given he is in a boys' school!).