What do you wish your parents had taught you but didn’t?

[auberginefrog]

Just curious/nosy. My dad is very handy - him and my grandpa could fix just about anything but somehow this was never passed onto me…

Money management. I took out huge student account overdrafts etc. It took me years to get out of the holes I dug in my late teens-early 20s.
Now I'm mid-30s I know the value of cash purchases and a decent credit score. I could have saved myself a lot of grief and a lot of interest payments if I'd known sooner.

Yes, how to handle money.

How to handle money/ budget. How to be assertive and function around people. My mum is sociable but I'm friendless at 40. How to clean and manage a house. We never lived in a palace growing up, but I really struggle with keeping up with it all. She didn't teach me a thing, and I obviously didn't pick it up through osmosis.

Taught me to think about my career/life goals.

I was good academically so they/my teachers just banked on me be able to do what I wanted, without helping me with FINDING what I wanted.

Really wish mine had taught me to swim - neither of them were interested in being in the water and it made me hugely anxious over swimming lessons at school.

Also like PP the career advice/guidance. They're both very leave alone, so I had no encouragement to go to uni or anything like that which I really wish I had done rather than jump from one dead end job to another.

My mum grew up with Welsh as her first language but never taught me - she was advised not to send me to a Welsh-medium school because it would hinder my English, but we know now that that is utter rubbish. I have GCSE-level Welsh but I would love to be properly fluent.

I would love to have known how to be more assertive around people too - I feel like there’s a class at school I missed as everyone else seems to be able to adult at a higher function than me!

Sewing. And the courage of my convictions, but it's hard to say that was just them.

My dad warned me all the things that could go wrong with DIY / car maintence instead of teaching me how to do it properly. Warning me not to drill through wires or pipes, be careful not to spill any oil because it could start a fire, never overfill your tyres. I don't think he meant to, but it all just fed my anxiety and now I worry even about putting up a shelf. Wish he'd just taught me the practicalities and how to do things safely without scaring me about doing it wrong.

Wish I'd been brought up as a feminist but mum is no feminist so that was never going to happen. Only just realised recently that meat is so much better if it's left to rest before carving. Also makes Sunday roasts so much easier to make!

How to cook
Careers advice
How to manage anger.

How to cook
How to drive
How to be generous with money. They taught me well how to save but only look out for myself when it comes to money. It took ages to unlearn this, which is now really important to me.

The power of compound interest

That you don't need to get married

Money management, or even empowerment. Grew up with mum putting my birthday money aside because I'd just 'waste it' (I'm sure it went to useful things like clothes and food for me but I never saw it) and never allowed to manage even small amounts like pocket money. 'If you need something I'll get it for you'. But I just grew up believing I'd be bad with money when in reality I just never had the chance with it. Teaching myself better habits now.

Also, autonomy over my life in general. Always had to go where I was told and do what I was told. What I wanted never mattered. Like ever! Meant I became a bit of a people pleaser and found it hard to make decisions. Again, training myself out of it now.

@ShirleyBadass
Can you swim now?

Money management

That you don't need to get married

Since becoming a mother I have really noticed how much films and books, aimed at little children, really push the idea of marriage. The conditioning starts young. I have tried to teach my dc marriage is an option but not a necessity.

Yeah more DIY stuff when I was younger.
I've learned loads since we did up our house but it would have been quicker and easier if they taught me when I was younger

Budgeting and financial management. Career options and what the impact of my choices would be. My parents kind of accepted I was bright and assumed I'd figure it all out. They didn't attend a parent's evening from me being 10. I never really learnt that my actions would have consequences until I was an adult

Also, unconditional love would have been helpful. General role modelling of stable parenting would have helped me when I had my own dcs

@35andThriving

That you don't need to get married

Since becoming a mother I have really noticed how much films and books, aimed at little children, really push the idea of marriage. The conditioning starts young. I have tried to teach my dc marriage is an option but not a necessity.

Christ even on here, if you're going to have a kid with a man you have to be married or you're an [insert insult].

What we should teach kids instead is how to be financially independent and not 100% rely on someone else, not that they have to be married.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Totally agree about teaching dc to be financially independent and not 100% rely on someone else.

Also, for me, I think it's really important to talk about how not everyone gets married, or settles into a long-term relationship. I don't want my dc to feel like they've failed if they are not in a relationship. I don't want them to feel like you need to be with someone to have a fulfilling life.

How to make coffee fudge cake. I never thought to ask before she died

When dad retired he was getting the same income - he was self employed. How dad, how???

That I have the right to say no and that my feelings matter.