Page 3 | What do you wish your parents had taught you but didn’t?

auberginefrog · 2022-02-21T12:49:12+00:00

Just curious/nosy. My dad is very handy - him and my grandpa could fix just about anything but somehow this was never passed onto me…

Toddlerteaplease · 25/02/2022 01:51

I would like to have been taught how to socialise. And etiquette when you go out etc. Learning it as an Adult has been really hard.

SuperSocks · 25/02/2022 02:08

German. Both my parents are fluent in German and chat away in it to each other, but I can't understand a word of it. Why oh why didn't they raise us bilingual?!!

Cooking. My mum is an excellent cook. She bitches about what a terrible cook her mum was when she was growing up, knowing full well I have the same trouble serving decent food, and yet she won't help me by teaching me!

Anything to do with money. It's always been a big secret that they wouldn't discuss with me. I'd hear their anxious conversations but I was always just told me to butt out. I know nothing whatever of mortgages or savings or pensions or life insurance or investments. They were generous with my allowance as a teen but let me fritter it all on complete crap without educating me on the value of it at all.

Bunty55 · 25/02/2022 02:23

Ok this is going to be a bit deep.
My parents taught me to have good manners, especially at the table. They taught me to speak properly, and not to speak unless spoken to by an adult.
I was taught to take my place in queues, and give up my seat for adults. I was taught to open doors for people and never push or place myself above others.

I wish they had taught me to value myself a bit more and not be afraid to stick up for myself, and that it was not rude to answer back if someone said something wrong.
If someone's parent came to the house and accused me of doing something, I wish they had not instantly believed them and asked me about it before punishing me.

I suppose it's all about balance really. You can't expect a child to be outgoing and confident when you knocked it out of them at an early age.

Packit · 25/02/2022 03:16

Assertiveness
To follow a career that suited me, not what they wanted me to do.

Namechange2502 · 25/02/2022 03:21

Looking back, personal hygiene was never really taught. Cringing as I write this but I realised at some point in secondary school I wiped my bottom incorrectly, I was never taught to wash my hands after using the toilet and I didn’t start to have daily showers until well into my teens.

Cringe.

WhatNoRaisins · 25/02/2022 03:32

@Toddlerteaplease

I would like to have been taught how to socialise. And etiquette when you go out etc. Learning it as an Adult has been really hard.

This for me. I don't think I'm the sort of person who finds this instinctive or just picks it up. I have this really painful memory of a stranger coming over for a house viewing and not realising that I was supposed to say hello and interact with them and being told off for embarrassing them. My parents are very introverted so I never saw them modelling any kind of appropriate social behaviour. It's been a grueling learning curve and I'm still really socially awkward.

I'm general I think parents need to consider that their kids aren't necessarily going to "just pick up" all their life skills and some do need to be taught.

Yuleniquealast · 25/02/2022 03:37

Definitely money management

sashh · 25/02/2022 03:58

@Itwasntmeright

That I have the right to say no and that my feelings matter.

Me too

converseandjeans · 25/02/2022 04:30

To speak Welsh.

Suzyinthesummertime · 25/02/2022 04:51

Self esteem/self worth. To have confidence in myself and to believe I was as good as anyone else.

KatherineJaneway · 25/02/2022 06:11

Assertiveness

Throwmealifejacket · 25/02/2022 06:18

I wish they’d taught me so much.
Appropriate social behaviour.
Money management - although this is a natural instinct.
Career guidance.

They are still alive but as time goes on I realise how they were not interested in teaching us as children, or offering any lasting childhood memories.

One holiday was to Germany at 11 years old.
We went to Belsen concentration camp for the day??? I am still punished by my father for a childhood tantrum aged 2. I am now 50.

OverByYer · 25/02/2022 06:27

To not be so polite and to be more assertive

ArtOfTheImpossible · 25/02/2022 06:30

Anything about anything. I wasn't really parented, or socialised. Just criticised and put through lots of traumatic situations without support. In adult life I've tried to learn 'the rules'. but people can be very derisive once they spot all the areas where I'm lacking.

PrinceParry · 25/02/2022 06:37

I wish they'd taught me to never let a man treat me disrespectfully. To know my own self worth. They didn't know how to do that but it's something which has shaped so much of my adult life I make sure my dcs are aware of their worth and to never let anyone in any context ever bring them down. I'm sure they'll falter on the way but there are lessons they will have to learn them selves. I think with that foundation they can go on to be secure and happy whatever they do in their lives.

Wingingthis · 25/02/2022 06:42

Basic cooking and cleaning.
I’ve learnt everything off the internet and it’s very sad!

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 25/02/2022 06:48

That it was fine to not get married or have children.

ExactlyThis · 25/02/2022 07:10

Nutrition, how to cook. It’s taken years sorting that aspect out!

thisisscary · 25/02/2022 07:13

To stand up for myself.

Also wish my SEN had been picked up as a child so I could have received the right support to not be a basket case as an adult. Not their fault though, girls weren’t seen as diagnosable with adhd/asd in the 70s.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 25/02/2022 07:31

Yep, money management. Tbf, DM is crap at it, so it's not like it's a skill she had that she didn't pass on. I (eventually) learned it from DH.

ClariceQuiff · 25/02/2022 07:37

The basics of keeping a house tidy. They are hoarders who never tidy up and rarely clean because of a mess. I have had to learn as an adult to do basic things such as putting something back in the drawer after using it, and being tidy still doesn't come naturally to me even though I'm nearly 50.

Prettynails · 25/02/2022 07:38

@auberginefrog

I would love to have known how to be more assertive around people too - I feel like there’s a class at school I missed as everyone else seems to be able to adult at a higher function than me!

Fake it until you make it. A good long pause works well as well.

Prettynails · 25/02/2022 07:41

For me it was a normal relationship. My father is a narcissist and as such told me how useless I was and how unimportant and stupid I was. My mother is gifted and likewise ridiculed me and even at the age of 45 I still didn’t know myself or even value myself. It took a huge incident for me to do therapy and start working out who I am - it feels great. But I wish my parents had shown me a normal relationship. Would have saved 40 years of turmoil.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 25/02/2022 07:44

@PrinceParry

I wish they'd taught me to never let a man treat me disrespectfully. To know my own self worth. They didn't know how to do that but it's something which has shaped so much of my adult life I make sure my dcs are aware of their worth and to never let anyone in any context ever bring them down. I'm sure they'll falter on the way but there are lessons they will have to learn them selves. I think with that foundation they can go on to be secure and happy whatever they do in their lives.

Ah, now that one DM did teach me (also the Be A Feminist one) and I'm so bloody grateful for it!

VeryMeh · 25/02/2022 07:52

How to have a good relationship with food! In my family it seems to be the ‘rule’ that men and children eat as much as they like, and women should be ‘being good’ and always trying to lose weight. This attitude lead to be me being an overweight child and then a teenager with body and food issues.
Luckily I have moved in from this and now enjoy food and exercise in a very healthy/balanced way. But my mum in her 60s is still trapped in this miserable diet cycle.