Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Sharing a car with DH / maternity leave - is this fair?

75 replies

Yebbie · 21/02/2022 12:09

Dh and I share a car, I work PT, he works full time including weekends so it means I am left without a car quite a lot. The only time it's really an issue is weekends, but toddler and I can and do get buses and have family/friends walking distance or who can drive to us etc so it isn't worth the financial expense of running another car.

I'm soon to be on maternity leave with my second, and have said that because it's more than just weekends where I'll be stuck without the car, but 5 day a week that I will probably drop him in work twice a week so that I have the car and can go to groups, meet friends or see family without bringing baby on buses. He keeps mentioning that doing this is a waste of fuel and mileage (car is on PCP so have a limit of mileage included). My argument is it it will work out cheaper than running a whole other car, and it gives me a little bit of freedom. It's not the ideal option for me either really as he finishes at 6, so it will mean having baby and toddler dragged out just before bedtime to collect him. He can occasionally get lifts home but his work isn't on a public transport route.

Does that sound fair? Or is he right and it's a waste of money?

OP posts:
Cakequeen1988 · 21/02/2022 12:13

It sounds more than fair to me

Spindelina · 21/02/2022 12:17

Depends what your public transport is like. Plenty of household with babies don't have access to a car at all, but it's a bit different if you've a bus to town past the end of your road every 15 minutes vs living down a lane that isn't safe to walk.

IMO the baby isn't the issue (taking babies in a sling or even a buggy on a bus is fine), it's just whether being at home without a car is viable.

RandomQuest · 21/02/2022 12:23

Honestly it sounds like you really need 2 cars. But if it’s really not an option then I’d let him take the car to work and make do with walking or the bus. Dragging 2 young kids out when they’re tired and grotty at bedtime to pick him up from work would be something I’d avoid at all costs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Driving & parking Families
Kfjsjdbd · 21/02/2022 12:31

Do you have a park/cafes/toddler activities in walking/cycling distance? It really really depends on your location. I do get a little bit annoyed at people who insist on driving a mile down the road when they could very easily have a baby in a pram and a toddler on a scooter. But if you are rural you absolutely wed a car.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/02/2022 12:35

We had one car for years. We used careful planning and negotiation to make it work. It meant DH had to leave work to pick up DDs from school if they were ill even though I was at home for example (school an hour walk away, they went on the school bus).

Why is he against it?

C8H10N4O2 · 21/02/2022 12:38

What is his issue with it? He still gets transport to and from work. If you didn't have use of the car you would have transport fares.

Does he think you should sit at home all day?

CharacterForming · 21/02/2022 12:38

How much does the bus cost?

SockFluffInTheBath · 21/02/2022 12:40

I knew before I opened this it would be CF DH saying he needs his car and you can bend over backwards to borrow it occasionally. What if you need to get DC to the GP or A&E when it’s his day to have the car? Can you possibly afford a second car? If not then he needs to find an alternative way to get to work and leave the car with you.

Woahthehorsey · 21/02/2022 12:52

Seems totally reasonable to me. The person with most need of the car gets the car.

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 12:56

It's frustrating when I'm at home and would benefit from the car and it's just sat in his works car park all day but the only real alternative is me picking him up and dropping him off. He's not saying no, it's our car and he doesn't get to do that and he knows it, but he does keep saying it's a bit of a waste of mileage and fuel. One of his colleagues lives in our village so 2/3 times a week I'm hoping to drop him off and him get a lift home but obviously all it takes is for this other guy to change jobs and that's screwed too. We are quite rural, I can get buses to the nearest town as could dh but his work would then be a bus or train from that town and the timings don't work that well. To drop him off means getting two kids fed and in the car by 8.15 and picking him up means having two kids in the car coming up to bed time, and it's half hour each way so not just a quick 10 mins up the road.

OP posts:
frippit · 21/02/2022 12:58

We've shared a car for most of our married life, with me working part time. My husband sometimes had a motor bike for work, or I dropped him off and picked him up. He would also cycle when he worked nearer to home and got occasional lifts.
When our children were young our car got a hammering, so we usually ran something like an old estate car, bought cash, which could cope with the higher mileage and odd scratch/knock. We made sure we had a good breakdown service too usually green flag. Would this work for you?
Funnily enough it's only now we've retired that we argue sometimes over the car.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2022 12:58

So what's his actual commute time on public transport?

How is public transport to your groups to to meet friends?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/02/2022 13:00

Could he cycle? I think you having a car takes priority tbh

FireInCairo · 21/02/2022 13:00

You should have your own car. It's 2022. Women need their own freedoms

Having said that though, it'd your budget doesn't allow it then that's that. But the split of car usage needs to be fair

BrambleRoses · 21/02/2022 13:00

I’d definitely be looking at another car to be honest, but otherwise I think that’s reasonable. I’d hate to be reliant on public transport with two tiny ones.

Spindelina · 21/02/2022 13:02

@SleepingStandingUp

So what's his actual commute time on public transport?

How is public transport to your groups to to meet friends?

In answering this question, also think about whether bike to nearest town and then bus or train from there would be quicker and easier than two buses.
Heytheredemons · 21/02/2022 13:05

I think that's a great compromise.
Yes it will use more fuel, but that is offset by the money you'll save on public transport, and on the plus side, you both have the convenience, comfort, and time savings of a car over public transport

He is Being unreasonable.

ddshocker · 21/02/2022 13:09

Jesus I couldn't live like that. You need your own car!

PigeonLittle · 21/02/2022 13:09

Yanbu

Liveandkicking · 21/02/2022 13:11

What about a cheap moped for your DP to get to work?

JustAnotherUserinParadise · 21/02/2022 13:12

I think that sounds more than fair, he still gets to work and you get some freedom.
But I agree with others that he should be doing more... Could he make the lift with a friend a regular thing? Say every wednesday and friday and pay them petrol money? Then you would know that you have the car those days.

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2022 13:12

@ddshocker

Jesus I couldn't live like that. You need your own car!
Which is a luxury for a lot of people. Even those who have poor public transport.
Branleuse · 21/02/2022 13:12

Could he get a moped

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:13

Sometimes on his days off I have to work so he is left without the car, it's not that he takes priority it's just whoever needs the car to get to work usually has it and obviously on maternity leave that will cause more of an issue. It sounds silly but when I considered getting a little run around I just didn't feel very safe driving them. I borrowed my mums old manual car for a few days once and felt like a really bad driver. Since I passed I've only ever driven automatic cars that have all been new and quite high spec with lots of built in safe features and I don't feel safe when I drive a car without these things which sounds ridiculous but it is true. I'm keeping this car at the end of the PCP term as I love it and dh getting another one for himself on PCP but two years away and need to cope until then. He isn't against getting public transport to work it's just the timings really don't work well so he can end up being late. I think we will just have to work out how I can drop him off pick him up without it being too difficult with the kids.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 21/02/2022 13:14

* Jesus I couldn't live like that. You need your own car!*

^This. Just get another car