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Original poster

Sharing a car with DH / maternity leave - is this fair?

75 replies

Yebbie · 21/02/2022 12:09

Dh and I share a car, I work PT, he works full time including weekends so it means I am left without a car quite a lot. The only time it's really an issue is weekends, but toddler and I can and do get buses and have family/friends walking distance or who can drive to us etc so it isn't worth the financial expense of running another car.

I'm soon to be on maternity leave with my second, and have said that because it's more than just weekends where I'll be stuck without the car, but 5 day a week that I will probably drop him in work twice a week so that I have the car and can go to groups, meet friends or see family without bringing baby on buses. He keeps mentioning that doing this is a waste of fuel and mileage (car is on PCP so have a limit of mileage included). My argument is it it will work out cheaper than running a whole other car, and it gives me a little bit of freedom. It's not the ideal option for me either really as he finishes at 6, so it will mean having baby and toddler dragged out just before bedtime to collect him. He can occasionally get lifts home but his work isn't on a public transport route.

Does that sound fair? Or is he right and it's a waste of money?

OP posts:
itwasntaparty · 21/02/2022 13:15

We've only got one car, cant justify the expense of a second one and we're in south east london so pretty good transport links. BUT when I was on mat leave and also when working PT when DTs were small, I dropped and collected DH from work so I could have the car. Double buggies and busses aren't fun.

BrambleRoses · 21/02/2022 13:18

She may not be able to afford another car!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/02/2022 13:19

Is there a halfway train station or bus stop you can take him too so that public transport works and the kids aren't in the car for 2+ hours on those days?

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Driving & parking Families
DartmoorChef · 21/02/2022 13:19

Buy a cheap old runaround and let him use that for work then .

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:20

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Is there a halfway train station or bus stop you can take him too so that public transport works and the kids aren't in the car for 2+ hours on those days?
That's a very good point actually thank you I hadn't thought of that yes if I dropped him at the train station he could be on time and it would mean only 15 mins each way in car for kids. I'll look into this.
OP posts:
GiantKitten · 21/02/2022 13:23

YADNBU!!!
Your convenience, pregnant with toddler, and then with baby as well, should far outweigh any extra cost.
But can you find out what the excess mileage charge is? It’s 7p a mile on our lease car, I imagine PCP deals will be similar; fuel cost should be 10p-15p per mile.
Do some sums based on your bus fares. You having the car might even turn out cheaper!

Hugasauras · 21/02/2022 13:24

We got rid of our second car during Covid in 2020 as it was just sitting unused, and so far we have made it work with one pretty well, which is good as I'd rather not go back to two if I can avoid it.

Helps that DH WFH although he does have to do site visits, but he's quite flexible with timing so can do it around whatever DD and I have on. I'd definitely want access to a car during mat leave - I'm going on mat leave in May again and will be using the car quite a bit to go to various classes, appointments and stuff, so you are definitely NBU to want to be able to use it!

SmellinOfTroy · 21/02/2022 13:26

it's half hour each way

You are planning on putting the dc in the car for 2 hours a day at least twice a week?

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:26

Looking into it again now even if I drop him half way it's the transport to his work that is badly timed. If I dropped him half way I'd either have to drop him off at 7.15 which would mean getting kids in car super early or if we left at half 8 for the next one he would get to work 15 mins late. Just not good timings at all.

OP posts:
Foolsrule · 21/02/2022 13:26

Just get a second car!

Twicklette · 21/02/2022 13:26

I cannot believe there are people who think two cars is a necessity. I know my local Council is trying its best to become as car unfriendly as possible. I think it is a national requirement

Blankscreen · 21/02/2022 13:28

Hi owned Ch are you by pa up inf on car finance evey month?

Can you get out of the agreement. I would far rather 2 cheap cars.

Seems nuts that you are a prisoner and his car sits there all day.

Will you go back to work? What are you going to do then?

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:29

@SmellinOfTroy

it's half hour each way

You are planning on putting the dc in the car for 2 hours a day at least twice a week?

I mean we live rurally to go anywhere and do anything really involves an hour or more in the car but yes appreciate two hours regularly sounds excessive. I think I'm used to it growing up here. Everything is a fair drive away. To get to our nearest town and back on the bus would be over an hour!
OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 21/02/2022 13:31

Why can't you get the cheap manual run around, but your husband takes that to work and leaves you with the one you're comfortable in?

Moobootoyoutoo · 21/02/2022 13:32

I agree with pp, sell or return the luxury PCP car and buy two cheaper ones

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:32

Car sharing isn't an issue at all when I'm working, you have to drive past nursery and my work to get to his work so even when we had two cars I usually jumped in with him anyway

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 21/02/2022 13:32

I didn't drive at all when I had two small DC. I learnt when my youngest was a preschooler.

I actually loved it. We took books on the bus, talked, played games etc. I just planned well in advance and made lots of friends on our regular route who talked to DD while I was bfing or similar.

It's nice to have the car sometimes but if you're managing for 2yrs, it's perfectly okay. I do have friends who can't imagine not relying on a car and if I'm honest, I've become complacent since learning to drive but I think it teaches children to be a bit resilient.

Maybe split the week and drop him to the train station a couple of times.

ShowOfHands · 21/02/2022 13:35

And learn to drive other cars too. It really will help you in the long run. You might need to drive a car which doesn't have a load of whizzy stuff and you should feel confident.

Lockdownmummy · 21/02/2022 13:36

Your arrangement seems fair but I really couldn't be doing with the hassle of getting two little ones up and ready and in the car in the morning and the back in the car around tea time and potentially witching hour for the newborn in the evening just to be able to have the car in the day.

I think your DH needs to get to work on his own on his day without the car TBH. Or I'd just get the bus. Get a good narrow double if you still need it for the toddler that will fit on.

Blueroses99 · 21/02/2022 13:36

Get a second car! If only for a year while you’re on Mat leave. You absolutely don’t want to be faffing around getting 2 children ready before and after work, or having to stay in/get the bus when you want to make plans out.

londonmummy1966 · 21/02/2022 13:39

Is there any possibility of renting a car when you need one - there are a lot of national hire firms now who hire by the hour - enterprise etc or zipcar. If there's nothing near you are there people around who might be prepared to let you hire a second car from them periodically - its usually possible to insure someone for half a day at a time now - its how my neighbours handle their kids when they've learnt to drive.

Frazzled2207 · 21/02/2022 13:39

I think a lot more of us need to learn to share a car, yes is a bit of a pain but you save an awful lot of money.
I think he should go on public transport or get a lift two or three times a week. If you are rural with a baby you need a car! Though poss not every day.

That said I think You are a bit U to insist you can only drive a high spec car!

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:40

Actually yes the morning bus times are difficult to get him there on time but even if he had to get train and bus to get home the timings to get home work great with his finishing time and each other and would get him home before bed time so I think it would be realistic if I dropped him off 2/3 times a week (half hour each way) and he gets himself home that way if his colleague isn't working. Will also see about setting days with his colleague where they drive each other set days as that could work too. Thanks!

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 21/02/2022 13:40

The fuel and the mileage will likely be a lot cheaper than the whole running costs of a second car, so it's a good compromise.

Or could you use taxis if the cost compares well with extra mileage, fuel and time with you dropping him at work?

Original poster
Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:42

Appreciate an hour in the car isn't great for two young kids in the morning but it's the same even to get to big tesco, and if I have the car the whole point is so don't have to be stuck at home so we'd stop halfway home in the big town for shopping, coffee, baby group, soft play etc so that's probably my best shot.

OP posts:
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