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Original poster

Sharing a car with DH / maternity leave - is this fair?

75 replies

Yebbie · 21/02/2022 12:09

Dh and I share a car, I work PT, he works full time including weekends so it means I am left without a car quite a lot. The only time it's really an issue is weekends, but toddler and I can and do get buses and have family/friends walking distance or who can drive to us etc so it isn't worth the financial expense of running another car.

I'm soon to be on maternity leave with my second, and have said that because it's more than just weekends where I'll be stuck without the car, but 5 day a week that I will probably drop him in work twice a week so that I have the car and can go to groups, meet friends or see family without bringing baby on buses. He keeps mentioning that doing this is a waste of fuel and mileage (car is on PCP so have a limit of mileage included). My argument is it it will work out cheaper than running a whole other car, and it gives me a little bit of freedom. It's not the ideal option for me either really as he finishes at 6, so it will mean having baby and toddler dragged out just before bedtime to collect him. He can occasionally get lifts home but his work isn't on a public transport route.

Does that sound fair? Or is he right and it's a waste of money?

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2022 13:42

@SmellinOfTroy

it's half hour each way

You are planning on putting the dc in the car for 2 hours a day at least twice a week?

Lots of babies and kids do this to visit family, go to play groups, do a shop etc. I agree op needs to be mindful of the new baby and how long they should be in a car seat without being got out so that's going to add a bit of time on each side but they're hardly spending their childhood shackled to a car seat

DPotter · 21/02/2022 13:45

Twicklette
I cannot believe there are people who think two cars is a necessity. I know my local Council is trying its best to become as car unfriendly as possible. I think it is a national requirement

Sadly there are considerably large swathes of the country where having access to a car is a necessity. I live about 5 miles outside Reading - no bus service to the village, nearest bus stop is a mile away on unlit, roads with no pavements and it's an hourly service. I'm on the border of 2 local councils and they both wax lyrically about reducing the number of car journeys and they are certainly making life difficult for car drivers. However the bus service keeps reducing and increasing in price so there isn't an alternative. The taxi service is non existent too - they just simply won't come out to the village to collect, although you can get a taxi from the town out to us.

And this is 5 miles outside a large urban area, so I can well understand how the OP feels trapped when she's living much further out.

Original poster

Yebbie · 21/02/2022 13:45

To be honest it's relative to where you grow up. I have family who live in bigger cities and driving half hour is a long drive to them. To me living rurally half hour is actually quite quick!

OP posts:

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Driving & parking Families

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/02/2022 13:47

Something else to be mindful of- sticking two young children in a car at 6pm is a sure fire way to screw up bedtimes.

MMAMPWGHAP · 21/02/2022 13:48

With the shortage of new & second hand cars now might be a good time to investigate ending the PCP arrangement. Was hearing yesterday that some second hand are going for more than the new price.

girlmom21 · 21/02/2022 13:51

Surely the fuel would be cheaper than you regularly getting the bus?

SockFluffInTheBath · 21/02/2022 13:54

@Twicklette

I cannot believe there are people who think two cars is a necessity. I know my local Council is trying its best to become as car unfriendly as possible. I think it is a national requirement

Do you live rurally?

dottydodah · 21/02/2022 14:02

Are there any Council run car share schemes you/he could join maybe? This may help you .Can he work at home a couple of days a week maybe. With a second vehicle I see what you mean about small manual vehicles ,but unless you are driving up the M1 I would think that a medium vehicle such as a Ford Fiesta would be suitable .

Snowdon564 · 21/02/2022 14:06

A bit of mileage and fuel for the cost of freedom and having an easy way to get child to doctors/emergency if need be….well worth it, obviously!! Not even a question in my mind.

Nemorth · 21/02/2022 14:07

We've only had one car since 2007. Our rule has always been "whoever has the kids, has the car" and the other parent adapts.

However this has always been Uber flexible, changed as the kids get older (now 15 and 11) and we help each other out.

We don't live near a bus route at all but can walk 20/30 minutes to reach a choice of buses so I've done that with the DC at times.

It's a real shame for the one car you have to be parked in a work car park all day so I'd definitely negotiate dropping your DH off at the train station if you can. He could even cycle to the train station?
My DH cycles and scoots on occasion (yes a push scooter!)

We're debating getting an e-moped now to give us more flexibility but without compromising our one car only self enforced rule.

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 21/02/2022 14:10

Can you use taxis? Join a car club? That would be cheaper than running a second car.

Crayzeefrog · 21/02/2022 14:13

All sounds like a giant faff. Get a little run around for DH and use the PCP fancy car for you and the kids while on maternity leave. You might as well enjoy it and have your freedom

Briarshollow · 21/02/2022 14:14

Christ, just get a second cheaper car. How much is your monthly PCP payment? And how long left on it?

DuchessSilver · 21/02/2022 14:17

Can you take it in turns to have the car? On the days he has it you use public transport/walk and one the days you have it he can get public transport/a lift/cycle? You could decide what days based on which groups you want to go to and when he can get a lift.
Or look into car clubs?

ddshocker · 21/02/2022 14:27

I cannot believe there are people who think two cars is a necessity. I know my local Council is trying its best to become as car unfriendly as possible. I think it is a national requirement

@Twicklette if you live rurally and you both need to get placed then yes...two cars is necessary.

LittleOwl153 · 21/02/2022 14:33

This is why I won't give up my car, despite it being old. I could not cope with being stuck at home all day (and I'm not even that rural - co-op etc in the village). But what if one of the kids needed hospital or something happened.

Personally I'd try and get yourself a cheap run around. If you can't cope driving it can dh take it to work? Get rid when you planned to have the second car anyway.

T00Ts · 21/02/2022 14:38

@Twicklette

I cannot believe there are people who think two cars is a necessity. I know my local Council is trying its best to become as car unfriendly as possible. I think it is a national requirement

Don’t be dense. Not everyone lives in towns or cities with a regular, functioning networks of public transport.

There’s no buses at all, anywhere near where I live so there’s a voluntary scheme to provide lifts to older residents or to do their shopping for them. The scheme has been devised by local residents, there’s no local government involvement at all. I help out in the winter with my 4x4 when people are snowed/iced in as gritters don’t bother with us either.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 21/02/2022 14:40

We share a car and I’m also on maternity leave. I have priority over the car at the minute, although DH can get to work via the train. I’ll be doing a KIT day soon and I’ll take the car because I’d have to catch the train and then a bus to get to my work. However, that’s only one day that DH will be stuck at home.

Could you drop your DH off and do some baby classes in the town, then meet him for lunch? It is a waste of fuel but I’ve driven in a few times to see DH or pick him up just because baby needed a sleep and wasn’t settling. DH is always happy to see us. If you’re considering a second car, it doesn’t necessarily have to be an old run around. Depending on how old they are, they aren’t always the most economical ( I spent 3x more than I paid for my old fiesta to keep it running for two years). Look a newer, little city car. That’s what we’re looking into. Whoever is commuting to work would have the little city car and whoever is at home will have the family car. If the cost of a new car is higher than the cost of fuel and mileage, I’d just stick with your plan though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/02/2022 14:56

I don’t live rurally but two cars keeps my sanity - if I want to go out and drive somewhere my husband can take the kids out- makes life easier and harmonious!

turnaroundtime · 21/02/2022 15:12

@RandomQuest

Honestly it sounds like you really need 2 cars. But if it’s really not an option then I’d let him take the car to work and make do with walking or the bus. Dragging 2 young kids out when they’re tired and grotty at bedtime to pick him up from work would be something I’d avoid at all costs.

Wouldn't it make waaaaaaay more sense that he catch public transport to and from work so the OP and the dc can drive around. Taking 2 dc on buses can't be easy

RandomQuest · 21/02/2022 15:25

Wouldn't it make waaaaaaay more sense that he catch public transport to and from work so the OP and the dc can drive around. Taking 2 dc on buses can't be easy
That was in response to the OP’s suggestion that she drag the kids out at bedtime to get him from work on the days he can’t get a lift. Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse, to the point I’d be willing to massively inconvenience myself during the day to avoid it. What I think they really need is 2 cars because the whole thing seems like a massive faff whoever has the cars. FWIW I take my 2 on the bus regularly but I live in London so the bus is the easy option compared to driving yourself. Obviously it’s very different if you happen to love rurally as I know buses aren’t always as frequent or reliable. So I’m throughly of the opinion that they need 2 cars.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 21/02/2022 15:31

Can’t you compromise and 2 days a week he takes 2 days you take him and he gets a lift one day a week? I mean do you really need the car every day when he’s at work ? If so then I think you need to rethink having another car as are you really going to get up take him to work and pick up every day with 2 small kids ? Sounds like extremely hard work for you op imo .

FinallyHere · 21/02/2022 15:51

He keeps mentioning that doing this is a waste of fuel and mileage (car is on PCP so have a limit of mileage included).

What solution does he suggest?

If he thinks you should just suck it up on public transport with a toddler and a baby while he drives in comfort every day... well, it would be good would it.

If he wants to surprise you with a new car that you obviously could really do with, make sure you are involved in the choice of car and that it is suitable for car seats etc.

Bellex · 21/02/2022 16:02

If you’re buying your car at the end of the PCP it doesn’t matter anyway on the mileage.

If you’re not 100% check what the charge is, my first car on pcp i sold myself and bought another on PCP and make 3k off it.

Also might be worth looking at trading yours in and getting two on PCP as car prices have gone up.

If someone else lives in the village which doesn’t he offer to car share with them? He drive so many days a week the other person the other? That way both are benefitting? Less mileage on both cars and cheaper for both as less fuel

Kite22 · 21/02/2022 16:52

Something else to be mindful of- sticking two young children in a car at 6pm is a sure fire way to screw up bedtimes.

This was my thinking too. Two little people in the car at end of afternoon / early evening WILL go to sleep if there for an hour, and you WILL lose your evenings.

How far is the train station, or your dh's colleague's house even? Could he cycle there? That's what dh used to do when our dc were little so I had the car to get them out and about.

However, I agree with others, getting yourself a cheap 2nd hand car will just make your life SOOOO much easier. Yes, I know you will have to insure and tax it, but if you can possibly work out a way to afford it, that would be my choice if I were unable to walk to parks, libraries, shops, Drs, dentists, etc etc

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