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Original poster

Emails ignored, is this bullying?

87 replies

LakesandSnow · 21/02/2022 10:14

I work in an organisation of approx 200 people. My emails are often completely ignored by people men even when I have directly asked them (rather than, say, copying them in on something). Part of my job involves raising funds for the company, the people ignoring my emails could positively impact on this at no cost to themselves. (And arguably would benefit from it).
The big boss (female) who I report directly into has previously agreed it is really rude but not really done anything about it except make supportive noises.
I'm utterly fed up. I do a good job but I feel invisible, thwarted and really down.

OP posts:
BlacknGrey · 21/02/2022 10:17

I have the same & it really pisses me off as I'm usually waiting for an answer before I can proceed. 😡

Wtfdoipick · 21/02/2022 10:18

It could be but it very much depends on the nature of the emails. Can you give an example of what you are asking of them?

ShowMeTheSugar · 21/02/2022 10:22

Is it something they need to respond to as part of their role?

I dont think it sounds like bullying, but it is rude and if it's part of their job to pick these up it's negligent and should be followed up with them and their manager.

stormstormgoaway · 21/02/2022 10:22

No, come on, of course it's not bullying. You're taking this really personally, when it's just work. Most workers are busy and get loads of emails. They will prioritise those that seem more urgent. Things they need to firefight, things only they can do, etc. It sounds like your emails are more of a "can anyone help with this voluntary company-wide initiative?", and that's just not going to be on anyone's to-do list.

That's not to say you should give up - obviously you're being paid to do this. You just need to work out more effective ways to engage with people. Can you do a survey, focus groups? Build one-to-one relationships, make it clear what's in it for the other person? Do you have enough support from your boss? It's tough to be the person trying to get other ordinary employees to do something when you have no authority. Can your boss promote your work at a higher level, get other managers to agree how their teams will participate?

eosmum · 21/02/2022 10:23

Same here, had to start cc'ing boss to make a difference. It's shite!!!!

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/02/2022 10:23

Rude yes, bullying no.

Wineloffa · 21/02/2022 10:24

I find people ignoring emails has become much more common since we’ve been wfh.

A few months ago, I emailed a guy in another section of our organisation four times with the same query, which he completely ignored. Out of exacerbation, on my 5th attempt I cc’d in his section’s generic email address (which would go to everyone else on his team) and his line manager. Guess what.. he replied instantly.

A bit passive aggressive on my part but he left me no choice!

RegardingMary · 21/02/2022 10:24

It depends on the content of the emails.

If bh raising funds you mean asking people to chase business acounts for payment, then they're being arseholes.

If you're asking people to flog raffle tickets or do a sponsored walk, I'd be ignoring too.

I wouldn't class ignoring an email as bullying though.

catwomando · 21/02/2022 10:25

Try this: in your email subject line write 'RESPONSE NEEDED BY date - then subject.

It helps people to see what needs action for them vs the trillions of tosh pointless emails they get the rest of the time

BlingLoving · 21/02/2022 10:29

It's not bullying. At most, it's rude. BUT.... what are these emails about? I could be wrong but it sounds like the things you're emailing about are not necessarily part of these people's core jobs? In which case, they may well be choosing to prioritise things that ARE part of their core jobs.

In any role, if there are aspects of your role for which you need help from others, but that help is NOT part of their job description, then you need to figure out the best way to get that help. That's part of the job. So, for example, if something isn't really my problem and I receive random emails from someone else asking me to do things, I probably would ignore it if I'm busy. If, however, I have a personal relationship with that person, I might find it harder to do so. Or, if the email clearly expresses how me helping out on this (not essential for me) thing, how MY work will benefit, then perhaps I will do it.

Men are also better at this than women as a rule - ie prioritising the work they actually have to do in order to meet their objectives vs the work that is done to help others.

stormstormgoaway · 21/02/2022 10:31

Also, find out what your colleagues priorities are and what they are up to - then show them that you get it. E.g. "Dear Accountant, I know you're probably snowed under with the year-end accounts right now! Hope it's going well and that the audit went smoothly last week. Could we meet next month for an hour to get your input on X, Y and Z? 31st March at 10am seems to be free in both our calendars. I'd love to get your perspective". And send it as a calendar invite.

BowerOfBramble · 21/02/2022 10:37

It’s not bullying.

Ring them up.

If you’re in the office with them, go and see them face to face.

If you can’t do that, email back “replying” to your previous email and copy in them and their colleague/manager.

But it’s definitely not bullying unless you think they’re doing it because they’ve something against you personally which seems incredibly unlikely.

LondonQueen · 21/02/2022 10:37

Our HT i'd like this, she ignores emails to the point that when she replies it is no longer relevant.

jpbee · 21/02/2022 10:37

I've experienced this a lot, and from women as well. I wouldn't call it bullying, usually the people ignoring are genuinely overworked or just

Years ago I had access to someone's inbox as I was their assistant for a short time and it was just a complete mess of read/unread emails, not being filed away or marked as actioned etc. They were one of those people who only reply to random emails and ignore the rest, it was hardly surprising given the state of their inbox. There are many people like this.

jpbee · 21/02/2022 10:38

*just unorganised.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 10:40

I think it’s just the nature of your role? Fundraising means you need a thick skin. You are almost certainly not asking them to do a core part of their job but an added extra ‘nice to participate in’ thing? You need to either incentivise it better or improve your relationships with these people.

It’s slightly rude, mostly par for the course with busy higher ups with their own areas of focus, and certainly not bullying.

MsMarch · 21/02/2022 10:45

I've been the recipient of emails from random people asking me to do things. Often the attitude is "this will make the company/the job better so of course you'll want to do it". But when it's not my job or my responsibility, and I am already swamped with my own work, I really can't be bothered. I've also got annoyed at people who seem to want me to do their work for them or who are too lazy to look for information themselves (this happens a LOT).

In most cases, I don't think those people meant to irritate me with their emails and requests. It is just their way of doing things. But I sense that's what's happening here with you. And so they're ignoring you rather than responding with, "this isn't my problem".

FrippEnos · 21/02/2022 10:57

"Response needed by" in capitals will just get people's backs up.

What you are doing (as part of your job) is adding to people's workload, and if you are just sending emails out that makes you very ignorable.

You need to be a physical presence at least that way you get, a feel of how busy these people are, an actual discussions and a response to your face.

As for the person that said email in the LM, do you really think that this will get someone on side to do extra work?

Wexone · 21/02/2022 11:03

Rude but not Bullying. Its widespread in companies and not just to one sex either, it applies to both male and female and is at all levels. Do you have regular meetings with your manager ? We have a daily 15 min meet and on that we can escalate any issues that is delaying our work and people we are waiting on. My boss then reaches out to their boss. I also annoy the hell out of them on teams too. Its a combination of things aswell, people send so many emails, CC to many people in these mails, plus people are so overwhelmed with other work they cant or don't have the time to sit down and go through every email to file or delete etc. Its got worse since WFH as this is one of the few ways to communicate. My boss used to say he leave his desk for like and an hour and come back to 200 emails in his in box, like how is he suppose

Original poster
LakesandSnow · 21/02/2022 11:10

It's not a sponsored walk type thing, it's more like "you doing this one small thing will pull us in new clients and keep us afloat". The particular man I'm thinking of literally has this in his job title?! He still hasn't replied and although not new to the organisation, he's been in this new role for a few months now so I would hope still at the "keen to impress" stage.
I would even settle for a "sorry I'm too busy" response over none at all.

OP posts:
Chestofdraws · 21/02/2022 11:12

If it’s in his job title then it’s his job, why are you telling him to do his job and not his manager?

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 11:16

@LakesandSnow

It's not a sponsored walk type thing, it's more like "you doing this one small thing will pull us in new clients and keep us afloat". The particular man I'm thinking of literally has this in his job title?! He still hasn't replied and although not new to the organisation, he's been in this new role for a few months now so I would hope still at the "keen to impress" stage. I would even settle for a "sorry I'm too busy" response over none at all.
Call him. No emails.
NinjaQueen · 21/02/2022 11:17

If you work in the same office go and pop your head in.

Could he be unsure of how to do the particular task if he is new?

TiredButDancing · 21/02/2022 11:20

@LakesandSnow

It's not a sponsored walk type thing, it's more like "you doing this one small thing will pull us in new clients and keep us afloat". The particular man I'm thinking of literally has this in his job title?! He still hasn't replied and although not new to the organisation, he's been in this new role for a few months now so I would hope still at the "keen to impress" stage. I would even settle for a "sorry I'm too busy" response over none at all.
Call him. If it IS part of his responsibilities, just call him.
Kite22 · 21/02/2022 11:24

@stormstormgoaway

No, come on, of course it's not bullying. You're taking this really personally, when it's just work. Most workers are busy and get loads of emails. They will prioritise those that seem more urgent. Things they need to firefight, things only they can do, etc. It sounds like your emails are more of a "can anyone help with this voluntary company-wide initiative?", and that's just not going to be on anyone's to-do list.

That's not to say you should give up - obviously you're being paid to do this. You just need to work out more effective ways to engage with people. Can you do a survey, focus groups? Build one-to-one relationships, make it clear what's in it for the other person? Do you have enough support from your boss? It's tough to be the person trying to get other ordinary employees to do something when you have no authority. Can your boss promote your work at a higher level, get other managers to agree how their teams will participate?

This ^
  1. You need to get yourself a dictionary.
  2. Then accept sending random e-mails to busy people asking them to do more, doesn't work, so you need to look in to what might work.