She’d lose her head if it wasn’t screwed on

[ForgetsHerHead]

That phrase was made for my DD.

She’s 7, school year 3. But loses everything.

She’s dyslexic and has DCD/Dyspraxia. She’s also very hypermobile. Covid restrictions at school have made it worse. She has processing and memory issues.

They empty the trays on a Friday no matter whats in them, so if she’s working on a piece of work on Thursday and puts it in her tray, if she doesn’t go to her tray on a Friday then the tray gets empty and the work is lost.

She’s walked out of school not wearing her skirt or trousers because she’s gone to the toilet, and forgotten to pull them up – sometimes the teacher hasn’t even noticed, the teacher this year is noticing but by the time they go back to the toilets her stuff is gone, so she’s wearing her spares – and has been known to mislay the spares – or her indoor PE kit which in this weather isn’t warm enough. I’ve told her and the teachers told her to try to remember her trousers/skirt but she doesn’t always. Pineafores she will still lose tights or socks.

She never puts anything back. I tell her to put things back in her bag or her room or the hall and she refuses. So either I do it or it gets put down where she is and lost forever more.

Rewards don’t actually help because it’s not helping her remember. School insist she’ll learn after losing enough pieces of work – I don’t always pick up so can’t check her tray. So far this year we’ve lost 4 school reading books, 2 school library books, 2 local library books, an uncountable amount of socks, 2 pairs of shoes (and due to the HM she has insoles so I have to pay to replace the insoles and shoes, which can cost me the best part of £100 all in), and at least 4 school skirts and 1 pair of trousers thats not counting the school jumpers and polo shirts – her school uniform is labelled but it never comes home.

I’ve asked school not to empty her tray, the teachers asked the cleaners not to empty her tray, but they either forget or are told to do them all, as often it gets emptied. School tell her to put things on the teachers desk or put it in her school bag to bring home but she often forgets they’ve asked her or will be so keen to get on with the next thing she’ll say “I’ll put it in my tray and get it out later”, teacher will remind her to empty her tray but again she can forget seconds after she’s been told.

I love her with all my heart but I’m starting to resent her and I really don’t want that. She’s my only child, it’s just me and her at home. School say nag and nag and nag her to put it away, but then she shouts at me telling me to stop asking as she’ll do it soon. If it gets lost its also my fault for not giving her time to do it – even if she’s sat on the sofa for an hour watching tv and I’ve asked her 5 times to put something away, it’s my fault she lost it. I’m an organised person, I’ll try and get her bag packed the night before ready to go, but she refuses to help me, so either I do it or there’s a mad rush in the morning for her to pack it. everything has a place, that to me is logical but DD doesn't seem to get it.

Any tips? Before I go out of my mind. I don’t know what to do.

I thougtht the same @Jellycatspyjamas

Is a child returning from the toilets in jumper and knickers not a big deal? Don't other kids notice? Is that what you meant, OP, that she takes her skirt or trousers off and just walks out in her knickers.... Surely the other kids say something and a teacher would notice?

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She won't always ask to go to the toilet, hence the teacher not noticing.

Because of the hypermobility the Senco decided in Year 1 she didn't need to ask to go because she was asking but then by the time she got the teachers attention to go she'd wet herself. No TA support in Years 2 and above so only adult she could ask would often be the teacher. So she just goes.

Which might explain why it's taking awhile to notice.

I still think it’s incredibly negligent to not notice a half dressed child in your class. I’d also be concerned from a safeguarding point of view that she’s leaving the class and no one knows that she’s gone, or that she’s in a state of undress when she returns, there’s no consideration for her dignity and privacy. The school need to work to meet her needs, finding a way for her to alert the teacher to her leaving the class and checking her dress when she comes back.

I know it’s challenging but my DD has similar issues at that age with toiletting, needed to leave the room regularly to go to the toilet and struggled with dress etc. At one point I had a run in with her class teacher who didn’t understand my DDs needs and who allowed her to be bullied by other kids in the class in the hope that she wouldn’t leave the classroom as much in a “peer pressure will help her learn to go at the break”. It turns out my DD was at times out of class for 20 minutes at a time with her class teacher and TA having no idea where she was or what she was doing, and with no one checking she was ok. We worked things out but I left the school under no illusion that they were responsible for my child’s safety and well-being at school and held them responsible for working with me to ensure she was cared for at school. Had my DD appeared at the end of the school day not wearing a skirt or trousers I would have hit the roof. They have a duty of care to her, which they are failing to meet.

My DS has an EHCP for dyspraxia. Since he was tiny we have used when/then as a system so WHEN you have put your shoes away THEN you can watch TV or WHEN this programme has finished THEN you will put your shoes away.
He can't cope with streams of instructions it has to be one step at a time.School are fantastic and are very used to him being a chaotic whirlwind so most of the time things find their was back to us eventually. Who ever was picking him up would check he had his bottle/coat/homework folder etc everyday. Now he is y6 he leaves school without being collected some days and as a result he often leaves things behind but he will be at secondary in September and will need to manage a much more complex day with less help so I'm letting him face the consequences of his actions a bit more at the moment.

I still think it’s incredibly negligent to not notice a half dressed child in your class. I’d also be concerned from a safeguarding point of view that she’s leaving the class and no one knows that she’s gone, or that she’s in a state of undress when she returns, there’s no consideration for her dignity and privacy. The school need to work to meet her needs, finding a way for her to alert the teacher to her leaving the class and checking her dress when she comes back.

I have to admit I find this odd and worrying - losing stuff changing for PE or losing jumpers in summer - or occasionally shoes when doing forest school - I understand coming back half dressed with no-one knowing where she is is odd.

Fuck me. I’d go off my head if my 7 year old came out of school with half her clothes missing, exposed and no one noticed. I know teachers are busy and all but that’s ridiculous.

Don't worry I did complain, first thing I did was go to the HT everytime.

It's got better this year, and the other children in her class are thankfully lovely and will ask her where her trousers are (not in a nasty way, in a concerned way). The teacher doesn't always go back to the toilets with DD often she'll call one of the TAs or the office (phones in every classroom) and they'll look or bring her trousers from the office or she'll be put in her PE kit (not ideal but at least she's wearing something).

I've switched mainly to pinafores for her which makes it easier as she's only losing tights/socks rather a skirt/trousers. Still a bit embarrassing but less so. But there are two days a week where she wears her PE kit and that's joggers/shorts which she ends up losing. Everything is labelled but never comes home.

Her teacher in Year 1 also was very on the ball with it and had a spare set of clothes in class for whenever she noticed DD without trousers. But last year the teacher was only there until Christmas then they had various short term supplies or the HLTA covering until end of the year, so it was a bit more disorganised.

Going to push for the EHCP, got an appointment with my local sendiass and will make an appointment with Ipsea or Sossen too.