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Original poster

To tell him I want to end it over this?

95 replies

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 13:58

Single parent to 4 year old work 30 hours a week chronic health issues seeing someone who earns a lot more than me. He has no kids I want to end it as I have no time and no money to do anything with him

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 19/02/2022 16:50

Does the 4 year old see their other parent? 30 hours a week is what, 9-3 most days? No weekends?

As pp if you want to end it then end it, but your reasons seem like excises when people are offering solutions

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2022 16:50

@WindyHail

Well how do I have a relationship with no time and money?
I was a single mum of 2. I met a widower, 3 years older than me, who was /is very ,very much better off financially than me. We have been together for 20 years, married for 18.If this relationship is going to turn into something more serious then you actually need to communicate with each other, properly. My second husband knew that I had just enough to pay everything I needed to and very little left over.I didn't want to be paid for all the time so we did a mixture of things. Sometimes we went out somewhere expensive, sometimes we had a picnic or he came round and I cooked. You are allowed a relationship, you are allowed to be treated and to do nice things for him that don't cost a lot.Do your children see their dad, do you have any time to yourself without them.
Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:54

I work 9 to 5 x4 days a week. My ex has our child very sporadically

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2022 17:07

@WindyHail

Well how do I have a relationship with no time and money?
Get organised. Sort out your home so that everything has a place.Do you have room for a freezer. Can you afford to fill it. Train your children to pick up after themselves, to take things off and put them where they belong. Make everything as streamlined as you can. Clear out junk, make your house easy to clean. When I was on my own the house was tiny. If we got up early on Saturday .morning all the sheets could be washed and on the line by 9. Rest of day available for fun. I didn't iron anything that didn't absolutely need ironing. There were no online shopping options, no online at all for years so I don't know if I could have afforded it but if I could it would certainly have helped. . The garden was a patio and a small square of grass. I love gardening now ,but I have time now, all I did then was cut it once a week. The kitchen floor took 2 sweeps with a mop to clean it.If you want a relationship with this man then have one. Stop putting obstacles In your own way. Stop self sabotaging. My SIL does this. She likes drama and a settled happy life doesnt give her the drama. She also likes to play the victim. She deliberately messes things up . It's not necessary.
AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2022 17:13

@WindyHail

No I don't want to tell him
Presumably he has a pair of eyes in his head. Where you live, the clothes you wear , the car you drive will all fit with your current situation . That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I was where you are 25 years ago . Just talk to him.
AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2022 17:16

@WindyHail

You can end a relationship for any reason at any time.

That being said my cousin recently ended a relationship with a much wealthier man for similar reasons. Not so much 'time' as in not enough time, they're both retired so plenty of time, per se. She ended it because he was demanding too much of her time. She tends to be a person who likes lots of 'me time' to do her art (paints, stained glass, etc). He expected her to drop all when he wanted to go out. As far as money, she lives on a budget. She's not dirt poor, but she does mind her pennies so as not to get in debt. He splashed out on dates and there was no way she could reciprocate 'in kind' or even afford to 'go halfsies' on the things he wanted to do. Not that I think it bothered him, but it certainly bothered her. She felt it made the relationship 'unequal', that it created a 'beholden' in her mind.

She chose not to discuss it with him to see if there was a compromise she could live with and ended the relationship with 'it's not working for me'.

But I think the fact that you are concerned that he may want children at some point trumps any type of compromise on time or money. I agree you need to end the relationship, for this reason in and of itself.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2022 17:16

@WindyHail

No ill just end it.
You sound very immature Op.
FarFarFarAndAway · 19/02/2022 17:19

The OP sounds very overwhelmed and possibly depressed. No need to kick her when she already feels bad.

Ratherdogsthanpeople · 19/02/2022 17:19

What a strange thread. Confused

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2022 17:22

Have you asked him about children. I had 2 boys , my now 2nd husband had a beautiful retriever and no children. He brought my 2 up but he was happy not yo have any biological children. I had had 2 very difficult pregnancies and I couldn't do it again. He wasn't phased by it. We talked about all of it, my children, finances (all the bank statements came out ,absolutely everything), hopes, dreams, aspirations ,everything. It is very sad when people can swap bodily fluids with someone but they can't actually talk about anything else.

Regularsizedrudy · 19/02/2022 17:30

@WindyHail

Doesn't matter what I want. Its what's practical and this is the best thing obviously
🙄
Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 17:30

He elusive over wanting kids. I'm going to end it tonight.

OP posts:
Takethecake0 · 19/02/2022 17:35

Oh OP you sound so overwhelmed and exhausted.

Can you just be honest with this person? Tell them everything you have on your plate, that you like them a lot, but are struggling with having time/energy for everything.

Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, you are doing really well to keep going with everything.

Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 17:37

Well in my experience if you're not perfect you're cancelled from people's lives.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2022 17:39

@WindyHail

He elusive over wanting kids. I'm going to end it tonight.
Per my PP, do it if it feels right to you. Doesn't matter what anyone else (including me) thinks.
Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 17:39

I've only known him 3 months. I don't want him thinking I'm a nightmare

OP posts:
GreyPaw · 19/02/2022 17:42

This has happened to me, so I empathise. I suggested that instead of going out all the time we did Netflix nights and cook at each other's houses rather than going out and doing stuff that cost money all the time. It worked fine.

Takethecake0 · 19/02/2022 17:46

So what if he thinks you’re a nightmare? If you plan to break up with him anyway you don’t have anything to lose, and he might surprise you.

It sounds like you are in a very negative frame of mind where you are almost punishing yourself and assuming the worst of others. It sounds like you feel vulnerable, scared and angry. But you are strong to be able to work, raise your DC and deal with your health issues, you have nothing to feel embarrassed of.

Hb12 · 19/02/2022 17:52

I think you want people to tell you it is ok for him to pay for everything.

What would be sensible would be to talk to him, and agree to meet a couple of times a week or whatever for cheap dates.

Original poster
WindyHail · 19/02/2022 17:55

You're right. I really want someone to just provide for me. Hmm

OP posts:
RubyRedRoses · 19/02/2022 17:57

This is so unfair op and I really sympathise.

I think either you could explain to him about not having much time or money and could you just do low key dates instead, or if you can't do that, and I understand why, you may need to end it as you say.

Tbh, the fact he wants kids and you don't want any more is probably a deal breaker anyway.

AnImposter · 19/02/2022 17:57

Maybe you just need to wait til the kids are older and more independent to think about a relationship... lots of single mums in same boat sadly

TracyMosby · 19/02/2022 18:02

@WindyHail

You're right. I really want someone to just provide for me. Hmm
Did he pay for you car to be fixed? Or did you use the savings account? Because if he paid for your car to be fixed yesterday, and you end things today, that looks calculated.
cittigirl · 19/02/2022 18:05

I think you're being a little defensive OP. If he's a nice guy and you like him why don't you tell him the situation. If he's nice and wants to carry on seeing you then perhaps he'll lower his expectations of expensive nights out in favour of nights in or will be happy to pay. Its up to you whether you accept the latter occasionally. Just be up front. Why leave him wondering what he might have done wrong.

LetHimHaveIt · 19/02/2022 18:05

Are you positing the idea of ending it in the hopes he'll offer to support you financially?

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