Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To tell him I want to end it over this?

95 replies

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 13:58

Single parent to 4 year old work 30 hours a week chronic health issues seeing someone who earns a lot more than me. He has no kids I want to end it as I have no time and no money to do anything with him

OP posts:

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 15:22

I do want the relationship but I can't keep up because I've got so much on all the time.

OP posts:

over2021 · 19/02/2022 15:23

@WonderfulYou

Just text him saying that “you really like him and he’s a lovely guy but you are ending things as you do not want a relationship with anyone right now”

Please don't do this.

If he's a good guy but you want to end things for your own valid reasons that's fine but please don't do it by text. Give him the decency to explain face to face.

JellybabyGina87 · 19/02/2022 15:26

How long have you been seeing him? Just talk to him if you think it's worth saving. I've been a single mum dating and I get what you mean about finding it hard to keep up and fit things in when men I was seeing were always wanting to go out doing stuff and never understood I didn't have a lot of time or that it meant leaving my kids with people. But when I met my husband he adapted more to my lifestyle because he wanted to be with me and the kids.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 15:38

I've known him 3 months so far.

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 19/02/2022 15:39

If it’s adding to your stress, end it.

Electriq · 19/02/2022 15:41

If you dont want it, end it, if you do want it communicate your feelings and scale it back a bit, tell him you can't keep up, maybe he feels the same, maybe its not what he wants and he will end it.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 15:48

Yeah I'll let him end up and il be heartbroken again as per.

OP posts:

spacehardware · 19/02/2022 15:48

I really really sympathise with you OP. I broke off a relationship with a man in similar circumstances after a few months, because he was loaded and childless, and I just felt like (despite being objectively from similar educational / professional backgrounds) his life was just so different to mine as a tired single parent struggling to make ends meet. I actually really liked him, althoogh I wasn't in love with him (probably would have been with more time and different circs)

and it made me doubly sad that it seemed like this would be an insurmountable issue for me for the rest of my children's young lives, which would wipe out what was left of my prime

But actually not that long after I met the man I'm now married to, snd he also had children and not much disposable income, and had been hurt before, and for that reason we took things very very slow, we're both content to do free/cheap stuff, and to be patient.

I do get your dilemma. Obviously you're not unreasonable to end a relationship but it's ok to feel sad about both about him and on a wider level

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 15:51

Yeah we're just at different stages. I can't keep up and if it gets serious and he wants kids well I can't put myself through that again.

OP posts:

Immunetypegoblin · 19/02/2022 15:56

OP, as kindly as possible, you sound like you're looking for a good whinge and not reassurance or solutions. It might be best to state that up front otherwise posters can get a bit frustrated and possibly not be as kind/helpful as usual.

WonderfulYou · 19/02/2022 15:58

If it’s adding to your stress, end it.

I agree.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:07

Thanks so much. I'll end it then. You're all right.

OP posts:

Ilikewinter · 19/02/2022 16:12

Its not that we are all right, its what you stated you wanted so people have generally took your lead and said if thats what you want then do it.
However if you dont want to then speak to him about how your feeling and see how it goes.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:14

No ill just end it.

OP posts:

PoshPyjamas · 19/02/2022 16:18

It’s not clear to me if you want to end it or not.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:19

Doesn't matter what I want. Its what's practical and this is the best thing obviously

OP posts:

spacehardware · 19/02/2022 16:22

OP you do sound a little self sabotaging, don't end something you don't want to because you think you 'should'

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:24

Well how do I have a relationship with no time and money?

OP posts:

PinkSyCo · 19/02/2022 16:29

I don’t see what him earning a lot more money than you has to do with anything, but if you are too busy for a relationship right now just end it. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

namechangeanonymous · 19/02/2022 16:30

What solution do you want from this thread?

You've been given ideas such as doing cheaper things or speaking to him and telling him. I'm sure it's not a huge surprise that you've got limited time he knows your life and what job you do.

You've also been given ideas on how to end it.

You've come on the thread already knowing what you want. Clearly won't take on board advise or suggestions.

So what did you hope to gain from this?

Maybe with this people will be able to suggest ideas that you might want to consider.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:33

@namechangeanonymous

What solution do you want from this thread?

You've been given ideas such as doing cheaper things or speaking to him and telling him. I'm sure it's not a huge surprise that you've got limited time he knows your life and what job you do.

You've also been given ideas on how to end it.

You've come on the thread already knowing what you want. Clearly won't take on board advise or suggestions.

So what did you hope to gain from this?

Maybe with this people will be able to suggest ideas that you might want to consider.

I've everything thank you and I 100% agreed ending it is best. Thank you so much for your support. Its been amazing.

OP posts:

PoshPyjamas · 19/02/2022 16:39

I think that what the op is wanting is to feel like a martyr. Also, to niggle at people in a passive aggressive way so that they get annoyed with her.

Original poster

WindyHail · 19/02/2022 16:40

Totally I'm having a fabulous time here. Enjoying the thread immensely. I'm a huge bellend.

OP posts:

Bonbon21 · 19/02/2022 16:41

Nothing to add regarding your relationship, but you sound as if you might be a bit run down healthwise. How about you get a check up with the gp, you are spinning a lot of plates and need to look after you...

FarFarFarAndAway · 19/02/2022 16:48

Op, as a single parent I can relate. The amount of time and energy you have to put into starting up and maintaining a relationship, especially with someone who has no dependents, can be immense and end up feeling like just one more load on you when you already have so much on your plate. I feel like this at times as well, I don't have so much time to offer although the money thing is not so much of an issue for me.

What have you got to lose though, by being honest with him? If it's going to end anyway, just tell him the truth: I'm often knackered, run down and ill with how much I have to do, and I'm worried I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be, so that's why I'm ending it. See what he has to say. I would worry less about the money, as my experience is that some men are happy with paying more if they understand they are wealthier, and in the future, if you have a good job, you will also be able to contribute.

You sound down and overwhelmed and getting a kicking on MN won't help your mental state, so I'd get off here, perhaps try to have an easy weekend, see if you can make time to see this guy and tell him the truth and why you feel you can't go forward and see what he says, he may surprise you by being more flexible/happy to take what you can offer, or it may be that it's all too much right now and you need to simplify things.

I do get you though.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread