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Original poster

A thread for people disappointed they didn’t get engaged today?

58 replies

TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 12:32

I know I’m not getting engaged today.

We have talked about marriage and DP is on board and has said he will propose. To me it is the next thing and I don’t know what we are waiting for. To him I know he has some stressful things going on this year and the idea of getting engaged now and planning a wedding would create another one (and I shot myself in the foot a bit by saying I don’t want a long engagement).

So, I KNOW I am not getting engaged today. Still feel sad and disappointed though!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 13:25

Just me then 🤣

OP posts:
Akire · 14/02/2022 13:27

I don’t think breakfast time is the traditional time to ask! See what tonight brings.

MotherMole · 14/02/2022 13:31

I’ve been waiting for five years, have given up now 😂

GirlInACountrySong · 14/02/2022 13:35

its not even 2 o clock!!

plenty of time yet

DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 13:36

If an engagement is important to you both, try to maybe save together for the ring and compromise on a longer engagement maybe?

Either way, definitely don't move in together or start having kids until you're engaged, as that sends mixed messages that it's not that important to you.

Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 13:46

@MotherMole

I’ve been waiting for five years, have given up now 😂
We have been together 6 years but it’s really only in the last year or so I have been serious when I have talked about wanting to get married. We have a house now, what are we waiting for?
OP posts:
CleanUpTime · 14/02/2022 13:48

What are you waiting for? You both know you want to get married so crack on and start booking what you want to do!

MermaidEyes · 14/02/2022 13:49

I feel for you and I hope you get that engagement ring, but honestly, doing it on Valentines Day is the tackiest thing ever imo. Maybe your fella is waiting for a more special day that's just for you and isn't shared with a hundred other couples?

Winterfellismyhome · 14/02/2022 13:51

Agree @MermaidEyes tacky as hell

ESGdance · 14/02/2022 13:51

Have you told him what you want - to be engaged by x date, married by y, baby by z?

And then asked what his timescales are?

Can you meet in the middle?

Have the conversation.

Bit concerned why being engaged / getting married is seen as an added stress in his life and not the joyous lifetime experience it ought to be?

Do you know why that is?

Legoisthebest · 14/02/2022 13:54

Getting married doesn't need a ring, or a wedding or even a proposal.
You need a licence for the registrar office and 2 witnesses.
That's it. You could be married within less than 3 weeks if you really want to. All you have to pay is for the licences and the registrar which is usually about £200.
Say you want to do it that way....and see what he says.

mUserBot9to5 · 14/02/2022 14:00

If it's what you want, ask him to marry you. If he says ''no'' then you know exactly where you stand and that is information you can work with.

I'm 51 and single and while I'm ok and even happy about that now I did go through a phase of being cross with myself that in my younger years in relationships I was always scared to ''rock the boat'' like as if it were a yacht not a dinghy.

I'd figure out where you could go (rented room or relative's house) and if he says no to a perfectly reasonable question then gather up your stuff and move on.

If you want to get married that is.

Rawtinhail · 14/02/2022 14:01

I am married now but before that had several years of anticipation to see if he would pop the question on certain days (even though I never actually wanted him to do it on xmas or valentines day because it's a cop out Grin ) but I know that disappointment. When he did do it I was totally surprised and it was so low key but so perfect. I'm so glad it didn't happen on v-day or any other hallmark day.
I totally get wanting to have that moment and not doing it the other way round or just filling in the paperwork. Romance clearly is dead with some people.

bcc89 · 14/02/2022 14:01

I wouldnt want a valentines (or any other occasion day) proposal. Maybe he wants to avoid to cheesy V day proposal? No offence to anyone who got one or wanted one!

Sunsetsupernova · 14/02/2022 14:05

I work in the weddings industry. Today is the 4th most popular day of the year to get engaged. Lovely if you do but I’d want something a bit more original personally.

Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 14:07

@ESGdance

Have you told him what you want - to be engaged by x date, married by y, baby by z?

And then asked what his timescales are?

Can you meet in the middle?

Have the conversation.

Bit concerned why being engaged / getting married is seen as an added stress in his life and not the joyous lifetime experience it ought to be?

Do you know why that is?

Yes we have done that. 32 is my cut off (am currently 29) and he’s on board with that.

The stress thing is because of all the planning, organising. It’s just the sort of thing he finds stressful and overwhelming.

It’s more a “I’m disappointed it isn’t going to be today” thread rather than a “why won’t he marry me” thread as I do believe he will. I’m just at the point where every special occasion/holiday I’m wanting the proposal…and I DO want the proposal.

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 14/02/2022 14:07

Do you need to be "engaged"?

Do you need a ring and a proposal?

You've discussed it. You both want to do it. Just start booking stuff together.

ArtichokeAardvark · 14/02/2022 14:07

@Sunsetsupernova interesting it's only 4th, which days rank higher? Christmas and NYE I assume, but what's the third?

Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 14:08

@Rawtinhail

I am married now but before that had several years of anticipation to see if he would pop the question on certain days (even though I never actually wanted him to do it on xmas or valentines day because it's a cop out Grin ) but I know that disappointment. When he did do it I was totally surprised and it was so low key but so perfect. I'm so glad it didn't happen on v-day or any other hallmark day. I totally get wanting to have that moment and not doing it the other way round or just filling in the paperwork. Romance clearly is dead with some people.
Thank you! Every important day I’m like “will today be the day?” And then I’m disappointed and it feels unfair but it’s just how I feel 🤷🏼‍♀️
OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 14/02/2022 14:10

I think a 'day' like Valentine's is a bit obvious. Maybe he'll wait until you're least expecting it. Mine did! I didn't have an inkling that it would happen that day.

RosieGuacamosie · 14/02/2022 14:13

How old is he and when did you have the conversation letting him know you want to be engaged?

6 years is ample time to know if someone is the right woman for you so I’d be questioning why he hadn’t done it yet! Flowers

Sunsetsupernova · 14/02/2022 14:16

@ArtichokeAardvark it varies slightly every year depending on how the weekends fall but it’s typically Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Eve, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Day in that order. Roughly 40% of all engagements fall within the Christmas to Valentine’s Day period

MotherMole · 14/02/2022 14:36

@TwoCoffeesPlease One day it will happen. My OH will propose, he just won’t do it when I’m expecting it… so he says. I keep reminding him I’m not expecting it… but still nothing 😂

Did you at least get a card and a nice gift?

MermaidEyes · 14/02/2022 14:46

@CornishGem1975

I think a 'day' like Valentine's is a bit obvious. Maybe he'll wait until you're least expecting it. Mine did! I didn't have an inkling that it would happen that day.

Mine too. I think I'd be disappointed in the lack of originality and imagination if dh had proposed on an obvious day

MotherMole · 14/02/2022 15:08

When you’re desperate for a proposal, any day will do. I was fussy at first and thought the same, now I’d take anything 🤣