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Original poster

A thread for people disappointed they didn’t get engaged today?

58 replies

TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 12:32

I know I’m not getting engaged today.

We have talked about marriage and DP is on board and has said he will propose. To me it is the next thing and I don’t know what we are waiting for. To him I know he has some stressful things going on this year and the idea of getting engaged now and planning a wedding would create another one (and I shot myself in the foot a bit by saying I don’t want a long engagement).

So, I KNOW I am not getting engaged today. Still feel sad and disappointed though!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Herewegoagain84 · 14/02/2022 15:10

I would actively not want to get engaged on Valentine’s Day - so cliche! Hope for another day Wink

Tigerblue · 14/02/2022 15:13

I'd have a chat with him tonight and tell him how much he means to you and you know there's a lot going on this year, but then tell him you've changed your mind over a short engagement and ask him yourself. No planning allowed until 2023!

UsernameIsNotAvailableRightNow · 14/02/2022 15:23

Ask him.

Shmithecat2 · 14/02/2022 15:29

It's been 6 years. Why hasn't he proposed already?

Shmithecat2 · 14/02/2022 15:29

Or indeed, why haven't you proposed to him?

RagzRebooted · 14/02/2022 15:32

@Legoisthebest

Getting married doesn't need a ring, or a wedding or even a proposal. You need a licence for the registrar office and 2 witnesses. That's it. You could be married within less than 3 weeks if you really want to. All you have to pay is for the licences and the registrar which is usually about £200. Say you want to do it that way....and see what he says.
DH and I did pretty much this, married within a month of deciding. Whole wedding cost around £300 including outfits and register office. We did have two DCs at that point.
DiddyHeck · 14/02/2022 15:38

@Shmithecat2

It's been 6 years. Why hasn't he proposed already?
Usual story I expect. They already live together so he's committed without having to fully commit. Meanwhile if any DC come along the 'stress' he says getting engaged will cause him, won't get any less 'stressful'.
MrsPsmalls · 14/02/2022 15:39

If you have both agreed you are going to get married, then you are already engaged surely? What is it you think constitutes an engagement other than having made the decision to get married?

gogohm · 14/02/2022 15:40

I'm not on account of not getting around to processing my divorce yet Grin

The storyline on the Good Karma Hospital made me smile - she's not got round to doing the paperwork Grin

Maybe that's what I should do, legally file for divorce (we split up 3 years ago)

Changemaname1 · 14/02/2022 15:48

If two people agree they want to get married isn’t that enough like just start planning a wedding ?? Or do people want a formal proposal ? Am genuinely asking not trying to be a dick btw I have never had any interest in weddings or being married so this sort of stuff goes over my head I think

Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 16:17

@Changemaname1

If two people agree they want to get married isn’t that enough like just start planning a wedding ?? Or do people want a formal proposal ? Am genuinely asking not trying to be a dick btw I have never had any interest in weddings or being married so this sort of stuff goes over my head I think
I’m sure for some people it’s enough to go ahead but I want the proposal and the ring, I know it’s boring and old fashioned but I just do
OP posts:
Justkeeppedaling · 14/02/2022 16:19

We have talked about marriage and DP is on board and has said he will propose

a) why does he need to "propose" after all this time - tell him you don't need a proposal, you just want to set a date?

b) why don't you propose, if it's that important?

My guess is that your DP doesn't want to get married.

shakinsti · 14/02/2022 16:23

15 and a half years and counting for me!

SickAndTiredAgain · 14/02/2022 16:24

and I shot myself in the foot a bit by saying I don’t want a long engagement

What’s the difference between what you’re doing now (agreed to get married but not “officially” engaged), and a long engagement though?

CornishGem1975 · 14/02/2022 16:35

I've been married twice.

First time we just agreed to get married. Second time I was proposed to. I'd take the proposal every time. It felt less of a business decision and more of a romantic gesture.

mugoftea456 · 14/02/2022 16:36

I think valentines/Xmas/NYE are the most tacky and cringe days to get engaged!

Hopefully he is planning it for a better day, have you asked him outright about timeline for a wedding?

Original poster
TwoCoffeesPlease · 14/02/2022 16:50

@mugoftea456

I think valentines/Xmas/NYE are the most tacky and cringe days to get engaged!

Hopefully he is planning it for a better day, have you asked him outright about timeline for a wedding?

Yes I have! Married by 32 is what we have said. We are 29 at the moment
OP posts:
Legoisthebest · 14/02/2022 16:56

What magical thing happens at 32? What's if (God forbid) something happens and one of you is in a coma and a decision about life support has to happen. Who is the next of kin and can make that decision? Not him/you?
You are together now. If you want to be together forever from the age of 32 why not 29? I mean I could understand saying "30" cos it's a round number birthday. But 32 is just so random.

icannotbebothered · 14/02/2022 17:01

@Legoisthebest

What magical thing happens at 32? What's if (God forbid) something happens and one of you is in a coma and a decision about life support has to happen. Who is the next of kin and can make that decision? Not him/you? You are together now. If you want to be together forever from the age of 32 why not 29? I mean I could understand saying "30" cos it's a round number birthday. But 32 is just so random.
I'm going to guess that it's because that's the latest that op wants to wait to start trying for a baby
Figgyboa · 14/02/2022 17:01

@Sunsetsupernova, interesting! What are the top 3 days? I got engaged on Xmas day. Prior to getting engaged I would have thought of that being tacky but it was actually the perfect day.

Saysama · 14/02/2022 17:24

An engagement is an agreement to marry. If you’ve agreed to get married, then you’re engaged.

These threads always genuinely baffle me.

Opal8 · 14/02/2022 17:29

Ah.
You don't want a marriage, you want a wedding...

formalineadeline · 14/02/2022 17:40

@Saysama

An engagement is an agreement to marry. If you’ve agreed to get married, then you’re engaged.

These threads always genuinely baffle me.

I just find it a bit sad that so many women are wasting energy working themselves up / feeling let down because they insist on waiting around for a man to take control of their life when it should be a joint decision. What a waste of time and energy.

If you're living together then it's odd to be so specifically "old fashioned" that the only part of tradition you want is one that disempowers you.

Feeling special for your Instagram moment in exchange for spending years stressing and wondering and feeling repeatedly disappointed and out of control in your own life? Why? Are you trying to recreate a movie scene?

I fail to see how making a joint decision to get engaged and start planning a wedding is any less exciting or special or memorable. Nobody I know found it anything other than exciting.

Baffling.

Saysama · 14/02/2022 17:41

@formalineadeline Yes to every single word of that.

formalineadeline · 14/02/2022 17:43

@Opal8

Ah. You don't want a marriage, you want a wedding...
That's probably it.

In which case describing it as "old fashioned" is crass. That's not what happened in the past.

Wanting an Instagram or princess moment / day is a modern phenomenon, nothing to do with "traditional values" .