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Original poster

Do men go weird when you become a widow?

79 replies

CrinklyCraggy · 08/02/2022 17:05

DH died last year.

I have a wide circle of friends through a hobby/interest. Lots of people who are often at the same events, but I don't really "know" iyswim.

One of them sent me a video of him and his dog today. Just out of the blue because they'd had a nice walk. I last spoke to him briefly at an event about 4 weeks ago, not about dogs.

I'm not even a dog person Grin

There are other men I've suddenly started hearing from much more than I used to as well.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 08/02/2022 17:06

They are chancers

Original poster
CrinklyCraggy · 08/02/2022 17:07

What are they "chancing"? No one's asked me for anything.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2022 17:09

Buttering you up for the 'you must be lonely and/or looking for some fun' question

Comedycook · 08/02/2022 17:10

@CrinklyCraggy

What are they "chancing"? No one's asked me for anything.
They're putting feelers out to test the water I'd imagine
SpiderVersed · 08/02/2022 17:10

Are men ever not weird?

TheDivineOddity · 08/02/2022 17:11

They've identified a vacancy and they see themselves the right man for the job.

I'm sorry for your lossThanks

IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2022 17:11

Sadly, yes. Some men think they can get a shag out of you. It's revolting

TheSnowyOwl · 08/02/2022 17:11

Either they are interested in you for you, so it’s no different to anyone who is single. Or, cynically, they are probably wondering what life insurance payout you got and whether you are lonely enough to take advantage of that.

Original poster
CrinklyCraggy · 08/02/2022 17:13

They're not "doing" anything about it though. It's very early days for me, but if that's what there trying to set up, they're playing a very long game.

Plus, I'm really not someone who attracts male attention, not even when I was young.

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 08/02/2022 17:14

It's like when you separate or divorce. They all turn up looking for a shag. Friends of my ex used to turn up at the door with one lame excuse or another.

IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2022 17:16

They aren't thinking long game.
They're thinking prey on your vulnerability and grief.

TheSnowyOwl · 08/02/2022 17:17

Agree that they aren’t thinking the long game. They are just looking at what the situation is now and what they can get out of it. I expect they want to find out if it’s worth investing much more time or effort in.

Original poster
CrinklyCraggy · 08/02/2022 17:20

@IncompleteSenten

They aren't thinking long game. They're thinking prey on your vulnerability and grief.
Yes but how are they "preying". For example today I replied long the lines of "lucky you I'm working on "

He replied something nauseating about me being the right person for the job and that was that. Thinking about it I even set up "sounds like you need a drink tonight", but that didn't occur to me at the time Grin

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2022 17:21

Most of them don't go straight in with the dick pics

Give it a few weeks and they'll start getting more sexual, I'm afraid

neonjumper · 08/02/2022 17:23

It's a bit like grooming ... slowly, slowly catchy monkey.

IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2022 17:24

Put some feelers out with general chat, see how you respond
Throw in a little subtle flirting, see if you respond (or at least don't actively shut them down)
Get a bit over friendly but nothing that can't be explained away as them trying to be 'friendly'

Then bam. You're having your morning coffee and you get a ping. You open your phone and there's his todger in its veiny purple glory.

FunkyPhantom · 08/02/2022 17:48

Here's a suggestion which might work, and let people know where they stand 👍

Why not slip into a conversation that you were asked out by an unnamed man, and although flattered, you were not looking for anything like that at the moment, then see what reaction you get regarding contact. Just rinse and repeat until everyone has the message 👍

So sorry to hear about your loss, but letting people know where you're at through a little white lie should see you ok 😁

Obviously if they're persistent, then tell them where to go and block them is the next step 😆

Original poster
CrinklyCraggy · 08/02/2022 17:50

@FunkyPhantom

Here's a suggestion which might work, and let people know where they stand 👍

Why not slip into a conversation that you were asked out by an unnamed man, and although flattered, you were not looking for anything like that at the moment, then see what reaction you get regarding contact. Just rinse and repeat until everyone has the message 👍

So sorry to hear about your loss, but letting people know where you're at through a little white lie should see you ok 😁

Obviously if they're persistent, then tell them where to go and block them is the next step 😆

I haven't been asked out. I'm just getting random harmless messages😆
OP posts:
Agrudge · 08/02/2022 17:50

@SpiderVersed

Are men ever not weird?
Are women any better?

There literally been someone complaining that there partner gave a female a lift home after midnight lol

CherryAndAlmond · 08/02/2022 18:01

Young widow here. Seven years in, I have observed that some men like a woman's vulnerability and sadness, they like being the ones who make things better (or so they think), they don't mind taking their time to worm their way in, and once they do they'll start commenting on how you have a very expensive oven/new pair of boots/sofa in the hope that you will tell them you are a rich widow, and then they'll know they're on to a good thing. I had a close shave with one of these types. Now I have developed a pretty steely exterior. I'm also bi (always have been) so now don't date men.

OMGisthisforreal · 08/02/2022 18:01

In my experience after separation, not widowhood, I remember saying at the time that I was relentlessly pursued either by my friend’s bastard husbands or my husband’s bastard friends!
Oops that could out me!

Whereohwhereohwhere · 08/02/2022 18:02

From experience not all but definitely some!

blyn72 · 08/02/2022 18:14

I do know that women who separate from their husbands suddenly get a lot o attention from men, in fact men seem to even crawl out of the woodwork!

ghostmouse · 08/02/2022 18:20

Not that I’ve particularly noticed..but then I’m not very attractive anyway.

Dh died last year and I’ve not noticed anyone sniffing around, everyone’s married.

Hmm saying that though.. I do have a friend who I’ve known for years and years. He’s in a relationship and has been since a year that his wife died 7 years ago. I’ve not seen much of him in recent years but he’s always popping in for a cuppa or texting to see how I am. I wonder…

Janglingkeys · 08/02/2022 18:23

A few weeks after my husbands sudden unexpected death - I returned to work - where a colleague who I had never really spoken to before - came up to me and said - I heard your news - sorry for your loss - he was in the Forces wasn’t he - how much pension will you get ?