Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you expect biscuits / cake?

103 replies

AugustSeptemberOctober · 06/02/2022 19:06

My friend popped round for a cup of tea this afternoon, about 3pm, and stayed for a couple of hours. DH thinks I'm terrible for not getting a bit of cake or some biscuits in to offer her... (I don't have any in the house generally as I'm on a diet, and would definitely just eat it). Now I feel really rude! If you went to someone's house for a drink, would you think it rude if your friend didn't offer cake or biscuits?

OP posts:
Original poster
AugustSeptemberOctober · 06/02/2022 20:21

Oh no, I'm going to have to stop reading this thread now! I'm rather mortified. I'll have to get some nice biscuits next time, and get DH to hide them somewhere until the person arrives Blush

OP posts:
tulips27 · 06/02/2022 20:21

If it's difficult to offer cakes I'd offer nice fruit, nuts or something savoury. I'm with the husband on this.

KohlaParasaurus · 06/02/2022 20:24

So many people on this thread who never eat cakes or biscuits. I don't think I've ever met one such person in real life.

I wouldn't be surprised now to be offered just a cup of coffee at a friend's house because I've learned not to expect it, but I grew up in a place and time where tea or coffee would always be accompanied by at least a few biscuits or a scone, and my mother and most of my aunties would produce a full "afternoon tea" whatever the time of day and whether or not they'd expected a visit, so it came as a shock to discover that this wasn't a universal thing. I always offer visitors something to eat if they're going to be staying for a drink.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2022 20:25

OP, there’s absolutely no need to be “mortified”. This woman is your good friend coming to socialise, it isn’t rude or embarrassing not to have offered her a biscuit because you didn’t have any in the house and frankly I think your DH is a bit of a dick for trying to make you feel small and stupid over it. Get biscuits in for next time but don’t waste headspace worrying that you’ve committed some awful social faux pas.

flashy44 · 06/02/2022 20:27

@user1493494961

I always have cake and biscuits in the cupboard for visitors and I'm always offered cake and biscuits if I'm the visitor. It's obviously just my circle of friends and relatives.
mine too
Thecurtainsofdestiny · 06/02/2022 20:27

I'd always offer a guest something to eat. A friend and I are trying to eat less sugar so I now offer something like grapes and nuts.

For other guests - still cake and biscuits.

DueyCheatemAndHow · 06/02/2022 20:28

@LeQuern

I do realise, yes *@DueyCheatemAndHow*. And I find this much trotted out MN response to be quite strange; you do realise I too am not the same as you, yes?
What a weird argument! Yes I do. What I'm saying is I wouldn't assume my guests act or want the same things i do. What a bizarre conversation!
Twinkleylight · 06/02/2022 20:29

I'll just say that in my culture hospitality is a big thing and if it isn't returned then we judge hard Grin We don't like people taking our hospitality for granted Grin

Costacoffeeplease · 06/02/2022 20:30

I can’t imagine being offered fruit and yogurt with a cup of tea or coffee?

I would always have something in, biscuits or some kind of cake

DueyCheatemAndHow · 06/02/2022 20:38

Only on mumsnet...

'Tea or coffee? Oh would you like some kefir with that?'

Fml

DragonMovie · 06/02/2022 20:40

Wouldn’t expect anything. If I was desperate for a biscuit I’d bring some. I think expecting something like that is way ruder than not offering it tbh.

lightisnotwhite · 06/02/2022 20:42

I wouldn’t think anything about not being offered cake and biscuits. I don’t eat them at home , not bothered out.

However I would have been appreciative/ impressed if you did. It’s a nice thing to do and your hosting skills would have been noted even though I’d have declined.

Footnote · 06/02/2022 20:49

If I want to make sure I don’t eat the guest biscuits I buy something I don’t like.
Otherwise you could bake something without sugar.

Crunchymum · 06/02/2022 20:51

I usually have something knocking about (I tend to go for things I am not that keen on myself so not tempted to eat!! I am a greedy fucker but surprisingly fussy).

I'm a bit of a feeder Shock

Bigsighall · 06/02/2022 20:57

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Sometimes when people come over I might get out a biscuit but not all the time. Likewise when I go to a friends, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. I’d be happy with a natter and a cuppa.

notacooldad · 06/02/2022 21:10

I'm not a big eater of cakes or biscuits but I usually make some peanut butter cookies, brownies or scones in the oven several times a week while the oven is on cooking a main meal. This means there is usually something in to offer guests.

RoyKentsChestHair · 06/02/2022 21:16

I would usually make sure I had at least some biscuits in, or might even bake something. If visiting I would take something with me, and friends who come to me usually bring something too, so we’re generally all on the same page re the importance of snacks!

The fact that neither of you provided biscuits you’re probably both on the same page so I wouldn’t worry,

Satingreenshutters · 06/02/2022 21:16

I would never ever offer someone a cup of tea or coffee in my house without offering at least a biscuit.

TheChosenTwo · 06/02/2022 21:17

Wouldn’t expect anything and wouldn’t think it rude if I wasn’t offered but I would always offer at my house and if I had invited a friend round would have made a cake or biscuits specially, but then I like baking and feeding people Grin
I don’t drink tea or coffee but I’d have some in for guests! (Actually dh drinks tea so we’d have teabags in anyway but i have a selections of teas here and a coffee machine!)

CafeConLechePorFavor · 06/02/2022 21:19

No. I don't visit my friends to eat cake. I genuinely rant to see them.

bindud · 06/02/2022 21:31

I wouldn't expect if I was unannounced but I always have something in for visitors.

Rosebuud · 06/02/2022 21:55

You’ll note I mentioned cheese in the post

To be honest, mostly folks don’t offer cheese with a cup of tea at 3pm.😃 but it seems you’re actually agreeing with the op. You offer a snack appropriate to thr drinks being served.

I’d not be mortified op, it’s not a big deal, but I’m not sure how you are unaware it’s common hosting custom if you have prearranged visitors to offer them a drink and a snack? Do your friends not offer you anything either?

OutdoorType · 06/02/2022 22:05

If it was a prearranged visit I'd always offer/ expect biscuits yes - but wouldn't be massively offended if it was a good friend and they weren't offered.

narcdad · 06/02/2022 22:11

If it's a pre arranged visit them yes I would have some biscuits, if it was an unplanned droning for a quick coffee then probably not.

I have a friend who I go for a coffee with semi regularly and she only drinks skimmed milk - I bring my own milk

SmolCat · 06/02/2022 22:42

@CrinklyCraggy

I'd have offered "something" but find if I buy biscuits or cake specially they rarely get eaten and I end up with them to use up, so I'd have offered something we normally have in. Fruit, nuts, yogurt, cheese
Wait.. what... yoghurt?

Are we talking a bowl of Skyr or a Muller Corner with my coffee here @CrinklyCraggy?