Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you expect biscuits / cake?

103 replies

AugustSeptemberOctober · 06/02/2022 19:06

My friend popped round for a cup of tea this afternoon, about 3pm, and stayed for a couple of hours. DH thinks I'm terrible for not getting a bit of cake or some biscuits in to offer her... (I don't have any in the house generally as I'm on a diet, and would definitely just eat it). Now I feel really rude! If you went to someone's house for a drink, would you think it rude if your friend didn't offer cake or biscuits?

OP posts:
Kite22 · 06/02/2022 19:36

Ah. The second post makes it different.

From your OP, no, I wouldn't have any in / offer to someone dropping in, and I wouldn't expect to be offered any but if I had invited someone round for a coffee and a catch up, then yes, I would have got some cake in.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 06/02/2022 19:37

I have completely double standards on this sort of thing.

As a visitor, no I wouldn’t expect them.

As a host - I wouldn’t dream of not offering them, if I was expecting someone! Shock

adriftabroad · 06/02/2022 19:39

I'd definitely have made an effort. You being on a diet is irrelevant.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Adeleskirts · 06/02/2022 19:39

I agree with your husband, if I know a guest is coming for a couple of hours I’d offer more than just a coffee, I’d offer biscuits and cake, irrelevant of whether they ate them or not. I’d defintely have that, or offer them a sandwich, and I’d put some biscuits and cake out on a plate with the coffee.

RobertsRadio · 06/02/2022 19:39

I wouldn't expect cake or biscuits when visiting if I knew my mate was trying to lose weight or just didn't eat those types of food. However, I personally would usually get something in or bake for a visit. You could have just bought two nice pastries or cakes and just eaten one with your friend, or left it for your DH to eat.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/02/2022 19:44

@LogsInLogsOut

I can't imagine not offering cake and biscuits when I'm expecting a visitor.
Same here. I like baking, and usually will have baked something.
ParkheadParadise · 06/02/2022 19:44

Aye, that's rude 🙉
As soon as ANYONE steps inside my house I've got the kettle on and the biscuits out ☕🍪☕
My friends and family are the same.
I spend about 15 mins in the biscuit aisle every week stocking up 😉

Adeleskirts · 06/02/2022 19:45

I think the way this was written misled people, the friend didn’t just pop in for a couple of tea, she came to visit for a couple of hours and it was prearranged, . The op simply only offered her a cup of tea during the visit and that’s what the husband finds a poor show.

I think most agree with him. As guests we don’t expect, as hosts we consider it rude to have visitors and not offer them anything other than a hot drink.

buckeejit · 06/02/2022 19:47

Yes, even a rich tea or something crap - a cup of tea with nothing to it is grim!

LeQuern · 06/02/2022 19:48

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?! Just doesn’t occur to me to go down those aisles in the supermarket. Not crisps etc.

But I can do a proper, decent coffee of all types.

Squirrelblanket · 06/02/2022 19:48

No, but I don't have a sweet tooth so it wouldn't bother me.

JammyRascal · 06/02/2022 19:49

If I wanted some, I'd always bring some with me. I tend to stop in the shop before heading to a friends house for this reason! I love a few biscuits with my tea

drpet49 · 06/02/2022 19:49

* I always have cake and biscuits in the cupboard for visitors and I'm always offered cake and biscuits if I'm the visitor.*

^Same here.

LogsInLogsOut · 06/02/2022 19:49

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?

You can still buy a packet in when you're expecting guests.

purplecorkheart · 06/02/2022 19:50

I don't have a sweet tooth so probably wouldn't notice.

Skyeheather · 06/02/2022 19:54

Yes I would have expected a biscuit and we always keep some biscuits in the cupboard for visitors.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 06/02/2022 19:56

@LeQuern

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?! Just doesn’t occur to me to go down those aisles in the supermarket. Not crisps etc.

But I can do a proper, decent coffee of all types.

Maybe you just don’t invite people over for a cup of tea/coffee, in which case it’s just not an issue for you?

Maybe it depends how you were brought up. My parents had people over all the time. The house was tidied, we were expected to behave (including offering food around) - and drinks and food were provided, no matter the time of day. We were also taught never to arrive at someone’s house as an invited guest empty-handed.

In turn, we now often have people around - and the cycle continues.

If you invite people over, you make the feel welcome and you give (or, at the very least: offer) them something to eat and drink.

Hosting 101.

adriftabroad · 06/02/2022 19:56

@LeQuern

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?! Just doesn’t occur to me to go down those aisles in the supermarket. Not crisps etc.

But I can do a proper, decent coffee of all types.

I don't eat any of those things, but a prearranged tea or coffee date at my house I would provide them and make a special trip to get them.
LeQuern · 06/02/2022 19:57

@LogsInLogsOut

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?

You can still buy a packet in when you're expecting guests.

Wouldn’t occur to me. Still have plenty of friends who call round (mainly for wine in the evenings) so I can’t be that shit a host.
DueyCheatemAndHow · 06/02/2022 19:57

@LeQuern

But what if you just don’t eat biscuits, cakes or chocolate?! Just doesn’t occur to me to go down those aisles in the supermarket. Not crisps etc.

But I can do a proper, decent coffee of all types.

You realise not everyone is the same yes? We have a sugar pot for tea and coffee even tho neither of us takes it.

If I knew someone was coming yes I'd make sure I had something in

honeyrider · 06/02/2022 19:58

I think it's rude not to offer something to someone you have invited round, even if you don't have biscuits or cake then just offer something simple like a sandwich or even a piece of toast, at least then you would have offered something.

LeQuern · 06/02/2022 19:58

Most shop bought cakes and biscuits are shit too. Claggy nastiness.

Come round mine for cheese and wine! (I am not Carrie Johnson).

LogsInLogsOut · 06/02/2022 19:58

Wouldn’t occur to me

It's basic hosting imo to offer people something to eat.

LogsInLogsOut · 06/02/2022 19:59

Most shop bought cakes and biscuits are shit too. Claggy nastiness.

Unless you're Mary Berry I doubt that they're expecting anything special and better options are available.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 06/02/2022 19:59

Still have plenty of friends who call round (mainly for wine in the evenings) so I can’t be that shit a host.

And do you just sit there drinking wine?

Or do you provide something for them to eat - cheese, crackers, etc…..?