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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Rules you had in your childhood that now seem bizarre?

999 replies

Tattted · 05/02/2022 17:20

As a child/teen living with my parents we were actively discouraged from showering/bathing everyday. It was really frowned upon and seen as unnecessary and probably a bit extravagant. I know probably as a young child I didn’t need to but as I got older and even after I turned 18 and was still living at home they would have been a bit annoyed about it if I wanted to shower everyday . I should say where we live has no water charges so it wasn’t about that. Now as an adult and a mother myself it seems so strange. I realise it’s probably because my parents both came from large families that had very little money and, back then, no hot running water. Even know my parents bath weekly but sink wash every day.

OP posts:
sashh · 06/02/2022 09:39

@RosesAndHellebores

What did some of your mothers do about periods themselves? I'm relatively old for MNet (61) and my mum was very open about menstruation and pads/tampons.

DD was only ten and half but switched on and we went shopping for different types, bought a make-up bag for a few pads, spare knickers, wet wipes, etc, and shown how to wrap and put in the bathroom bin. I even went to see her head mistress as I was worried about facilities at primary. They had a pass code to whizz to the loo in lessons if necessary, and were allowed to use the teachers' loos which were more private when necessary. Then she had her ears pierced to celebrate the rite of passage and DH and DS were told to be mindful and sensitive as she was growing up.

One of the few things my mum got mostly right I knew about periods quite young and it is a good job because I started before high school.

But when I was in first year and approached a nun because I'd started and had nothing with me she seemed quite surprised I was so nonchalant.

She took me to the toilets with towel machines, bought one for me and asked if I knew what to do.

I was, "Thank you sister it's not my first period" and wondering why anyone wouldn't know what to do.

I did shock some of the other girls at school when they found out I was using tampons (there were no tampon machines at school), I was about 15.

NETSRIK · 06/02/2022 09:40

No friends allowed upstairs

No eating upstairs

Not allowed to go into town with friends or on our own until 16

Not allowed ear piercing until 16

Had to wear hair the way she wanted

No freedom or embracing of individuality

grafittiartist · 06/02/2022 09:41

So many of these!!

I do wonder what my kids will consider "crazy rules" from today.

AngelinaFibres · 06/02/2022 09:42

@RosesAndHellebores

I'd love to know how old everyone is. My mother was/is far from perfect and I was never pretty enough for her but thank goodness she taught me:

How to do my hair and to have it highlighted.
How to put on make-up
To shave legs and pits and always be squeaky clean
How to stand tall and own and work a room socially
How to hail a taxi
How to tip
How to sit gracefully and how to stand for a picture
The facts of life, how to say no, and where contraception came from - that nice girls certainly do so know how to keep out of "trouble"
How to keep safe when out and about
To keep my keys in my pocket not my bag.

It took me years to learn this stuff for myself. Dyed hair was for tarts. Make up was for tarts My mother shaved her legs and armpits . When I first did it I desperately tried to hide my legs and armpits until the hair had grown back....because I was afraid I would be called a tart. I didn't have good posture until I left home. I basically tried to disappear for most of my teenage years.The clothes I had to wear were mortifying, the spots,the utterly , utterly dreadful haircut. How to work a room. Oh the joy of chatting easily to people at my sons' weddings. My youngest son coming up to me, laughing, and saying "Are you having a ball mum". Yes, yes I was and I was allowed to. I was the mother of the groom and I was allowed my space to be me. My mother sat in the corner and scowled. As a teenager I would be totally tongue tied with fear. We never socialised as children . My parents had no friends. Not one. And we didn't do play dates because everyone was common apparently. So I had no training in how to make conversation or chat easily. If we met people my parents knew , in the street, I would die of fear that they would ask me something and I would say the wrong thing. So I always said the wrong thing. Once they had gone my parents would dissect what I had said and criticise every part of it. My mother always took terrible photos, of me in particular. I had no idea I could actually look pretty in any picture until I left home. She still sends out the most appalling photos of me to her WI friends. If I am ever killed in a way that would get me on the news she is totally banned from ever releasing a photo of me to the press. She would choose the ugliest, most appalling picture that would appear every year for 20 years after the event. Her theory is ,that if you disappeared, an ugly photo would give people a better idea of what you really looked like after days of lying dead in a wood. Bloody batshit. Sex was never to happen ,ever. No idea how to keep safe because we never went out, ever. I was awkward and shy and cowed for years. It wasn't until I met my second husband 20 years ago that I realised I was actually rather fabulous. I have really lovely legs (AJ on Strictly kind of wow). I had no idea. I have a lovely figure. Everything was to be covered at all times. I had no idea how to appreciate and celebrate what I had. I look at 6th form age girls now ,when they are on their lunch hour in town, and I marvel at how they wear their clothes and the way they carry themselves. I wish, just a little bit, I could go back to my teens but with the me I am now. There wouldn't be a baggy blouse or a long , A line skirt anywhere to be seen.
farendoftether · 06/02/2022 09:45

Absolutely no patent leather shoes.

When unwrapping presents it had to be done very very carefully as the paper would be saved by my mum, ironed(!), and then reused. So no ripping the paper of presents in excitement.

TheVolturi · 06/02/2022 09:46

That unless you ate ALL of your meal you couldn't have a pudding. 🙄 Everyone knows you have a different stomach for pudding!

Mouikey · 06/02/2022 09:48

No really weird rules but I recall hanging my duvet out the window on a really hot day to grow and cool it down and my Dad going mad!

I can’t recall having conditioner at home but did get it at the hairdresser and could bring what was left home in a cute little pot!

Born in the 70’s we didn’t have a shower until I went to uni so was always a flannel wash or bath with shower attachment to wash hair!

farendoftether · 06/02/2022 09:51

Certain programmes weren’t allowed as they would encourage bad behaviour - mainly Grange Hill and Marmalade Atkinson.

farendoftether · 06/02/2022 09:53

No McDonalds ever, only Wimpey because in Wimpey they used proper crockery and cutlery.

WaltzingToWalsingham · 06/02/2022 09:53

Don't sit on a garden wall - you'll get piles.

We didn't have a shower growing up but we had a bath, which had a red "plimsoll line" painted around the inside, a few inches from the bottom. We weren't allowed to fill the bath past this line, and water was re-used by several members of the family.

Eating sweets and chocolate gives you spots.

No daywear in bed (ie if you took a nap, you should change into your nylon nightie).

TheVolturi · 06/02/2022 09:53

Oh yes, and my mum wouldn't let me use Tampons, because it was "like fiddling with yourself" 😳

AngelinaFibres · 06/02/2022 09:57

I wasn't allowed to wear anything remotely fitted. That was for tarts. I have always worn knee high type boots, but always flat. Boots with a heel are tarty....obviously. This Christmas I was out shopping and I thought I might try a style with a heel. I bought some !!!!! Fitted to the leg, black, block heel, square toe. With a knee length coat they look bloody fabulous. My legs look glorious. The first time I wore them to meet my mother I had that weird, nervous feeling in my stomach. I knew she would comment negatively. She duly did. I am 56. I don't need to care anymore. I am wearing them every minute of every day until I die. SmileSmile

SoosanCarter · 06/02/2022 10:03

We weren’t allowed to play in our bedrooms. To this day I have no idea why.

Dsisproblem · 06/02/2022 10:06

Not allowed to lock the bathroom door

Must wash hair every single morning. I have v thick hair that takes ages to dry so mum would drag me out of bed at 6am before school

No bathroom bins

No kitchen bins. Just a carrier bag that must be taken outside twice a day

No taking food. Must always ask.

Friends hardly ever allowed round. It was always a big inconvenience.

Fizbosshoes · 06/02/2022 10:08

My mum discouraged us from using tampons because of toxic shock syndrome , but always used them herself.
I think Always were pretty new in the early-mid 90s when I started my period and me and Dsis would ask for them but they were very expensive and we wouldn't always get them. Then the trauma of having your period on holiday(bad enough in itself) where the village shop sold a pack of always for about £10 ....or a pack of old school mattress-type towel or dr whites for a more normal price....

RaininSummer · 06/02/2022 10:09

Some of these seem perfectly fine to me. A mix of frugality and good manners. The money saving ones are making a comeback at the moment.Some admittedly are batshit and/or gross.

mizzo · 06/02/2022 10:25

Having a bath while on your period is horrible- you end up sitting in bloody water and will be covered in diluted menstruation blood.

Having a bath isn't a very efficient way of getting clean anyway. We had to have a soak in the bath then stand up and wash ourselves rinsing off with either a jug of clean water or the shower that you stuck over the taps. Every night. No argument.

DH had a bath on Sundays only and had to share the bath water. FIL first always as he brushed his teeth in the bath 🤢 The only other time he could have a bath was if he'd played football on a Saturday. This was the case until they got a shower in the nineties.

When we moved in together I used to get annoyed that he never emptied the bath, it turned out he was doing it because he thought I'd be getting in after him!

TDCtomorrow · 06/02/2022 10:26

@EdenFlower

Having a bath while on your period is horrible- you end up sitting in bloody water and will be covered in diluted menstruation blood.
Ha ha behave
coldfeetmama · 06/02/2022 10:26

I was only allowed clean pyjamas on a Sunday night
Which was also when I had my hair washed

I could have been swimming Saturday or poorly and sweaty but nope pyjamas had to wait for Sunday night

godmum56 · 06/02/2022 10:26

@Cantgetgoing

I'm baffled by the rule that you aren't ill if you can get out of bed? I'm my 28 years I've never not been able to get out of bed but I obviously have been ill!
The second time I had flu I was in my 40's DH phoned my work to tell them and settled me downstairs on the settee well wrapped up with the phone (before mobiles) handy and went off to work for a few hours. I needed the loo which is downstairs and about a 15 step walk from where I was and Ihad to crawl there and back because I couldn't stand up and walk that far. Pulled myself up on the loo and washbasin to go and then crawled back to the settee and pulled myself up on the settee to lie down again....I mean yes I could get out of bed but only just.
Anystarinthesky · 06/02/2022 10:27

The only heated room in our house was the living room.

Dad was in charge of the TV remote and we had to watch in total silence and not move around too much.

He liked unfunny sitcoms such as 'Terry and June'. We hit on the idea of fake laughing everytime the canned laughter came on. I can still see Dad's face but he coudn't really say anything! We did end up rolling about in real laughter at his face!

MerlinsButler · 06/02/2022 10:31

So many of these are standard if you were born in the 60's/ early 70's. Based on both costs and commonly held beliefs.

Phone calls were expensive. Not many people had a home phone so there was nobody to ring really. And once they became widespread the phone bill was monitored like crazy to make sure money wasn't wasted. If we went somewhere you would ring home, let it ring 3 times and hang up. Heaven forbid someone answered before the 3 rings. As that would cost money.

Immersion heaters (if you had one) were expensive to use and refill hence limited baths. We had a shower attachment over the taps or people had flannel washes on non- bath days.

Water shortages was a thing early seventies so the not bathing everyday kind of makes sense. Plus shared bath water (tin bath) in the 50s and 60s probably explains the no baths on a period thing. Especially before central heating / showers became common.

Being ill and staying in bed was to discourage skiving but also to try to stop any illness from spreading to the rest of the family. A necessity in previous years when people would die from childhood Illnesses. Likewise. No nightwear outside the bedroom was to try and stop you catching a chill.

I had a pretty chilled out childhood but things like parents controlling the tv, no dessert during the week and only if we had eaten all our dinner etc were pretty standard.

Pillowcases for Father Christmas presents was one that brought back lovely memories. Our wrapped gifts were downstairs but we had to wait before getting up. Makes sense as allows the parents a lie-in.

Then there were all the polite manners ones like not eating in the street, not referring to people by first name etc. I. A working class area it was seen as common and nobody wanted to be common. Lol.

Some of these are bonkers but a lot are just nostalgia and In the context of the cost of living actually kind of make sense. Smile

OwlIceCrem · 06/02/2022 10:39

My parents used to make us dry out the shower with our towel after we’d got out of it. All my friends thought this was the maddest thing they had ever heard.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2022 10:46

Another aspect of my growing up which seems bizarre now is not the rules but the lack of rules in some areas. Me at 14, with my 12-year-old brother, allowed to wander about on our bikes all day in the holidays and on the weekends, wherever we liked, as long as we were home by dark. (Not in the UK, but in 1970s semi-rural South Africa, not a particularly safe environment). No seatbelts of course, and parents both smoking away incessantly in the front seat. When I was at university and old enough to drive, my dad got me a succession of broken-down old bangers to drive, which meant that I was frequently broken down after midnight, wandering the streets, trying to find a phone box to call my parents. No-one thought anything of it or that it might be a bad idea, not even me.

Rudyfromthecaprilounge · 06/02/2022 10:46

At lower school (1980s) we weren't allowed to clap with both hands as the sound produced was too loud (??!) instead we had to tap our index and middle finger into the palm of our other hand
At home we weren't allowed a toaster as too much of a fire hazard. Toast had to be made under the grill instead. My dad used to push the settee into the middle of the lounge to watch Dallas but no other TV programme. We were forbidden from purchasing goods from one particular ice cream man as allegedly he didn't wash his hand (Dirty Hands as my dad called him). There's loads of other examples but I think I may have repressed them! My father too had a fixation about the immersion heater and exploiting the benefits of the Economy 7 tariff!