MIL always commenting on how tired I look

[user4774848]

It feels almost every single time my MIL sees me she tells me I'm looking really tired - we see her a few times a week and sometimes if I say no I'm not tired she will insist that she can tell from my face that I'm tired! Just went out to dinner with her and she made the same comment.

Why do people think it's okay to always point that out??

And guess what, I've told a toddler who has been slipping into our bed almost every night lately so yes I am exhausted! Grrrr. Just had to vent. I don't know what she's expecting me to do when she points it out every single time we meet!!

Say you don’t sleep at night much since meeting her son. Bonus question is does he take after his dad?

Tell her you are too tired to see her then ..

Haha. I do need to try something like that!

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Tell her you are too tired to see her then ..

I really try to not see her too often but we live close and she always calls us over for dinner sigh. there's only so many 'you look like absolute shite' comments I can take. Also if I made similar comments to her she would become totally self conscious - she can't take any of what she dishes out.

Oh god my mum does this. I’m 7 months pregnant with a toddler so yes I look tired. I don’t know what saying it to me every time we meet is supposed to achieve.

Mine does this. I now answer with a big smile saying ‘thank you’. That confuses her.

I just say something like 'thanks that's nice'. It's just thoughtless and rude.

I feel you. I opened the door to a charity collector the other day, he looked at me and first thing he said was, gosh you look tired.

I said, yes, I’ve got a newborn, a 1yo and 3yo, and then closed the door in his face. The cheek of him to comment on my looks - id even put some make up on that morning!

Tell her to pack it in already. It's a passive-aggressive way of saying you look terrible. What a cow.

@Coriandersucks

Mine does this. I now answer with a big smile saying ‘thank you’. That confuses her.

We have the same mum

I usually say “aww thanks mum, want DD for the day?”

"Well perhaps if your son got up with the toddler and let me sleep, once in a while."
My PIL were always telling me how tired DH looked , and I should do more............ Maybe you should ask her to tell your DH to do more?
( Warning - I lost it with them one day and listed out exactly how my days panned out. Bonus was they stopped visiting )

My MIL used to do this every time I saw her.. one day I said “wow, what a polite way of telling me I look like shite everytime you see me, makes me feel wonderful, thanks!”.
She hasn’t done it again since.

I think this is a age divide thing. I do say you look tired to friends and relatives but when I was brought up it was a perfectly acceptable thing to say, showing concern for the person and not in a critical way; recognising that things were a bit tough for them at the moment.

I am going against the grain here but I don't see it as an insult! It drives my husband mad when I tell him he looks tired but he IS tired so I don't think it's a bad thing to say. I am tired and I look fucking knackered so I'd expect people to notice it.

@Roystonv

I think this is a age divide thing. I do say you look tired to friends and relatives but when I was brought up it was a perfectly acceptable thing to say, showing concern for the person and not in a critical way; recognising that things were a bit tough for them at the moment.

Maybe. Although I know if I said the same to her she couldn't take it - she's become really self conscious and defensive. So I don't know. Also, I get it if someone says it once in a while but to say it every single time. She knows how tough things are for us, I mean she sees me running around after kids, my work etc etc.

Reminds me, my MIL used to say that after I'd worked a full time week, commuting by train to London, then driven on a Friday night to them (3.5 hours on a good run). I'd feel like turning around and going home again.

'I'm not tired, I'm just ugly' usual lay works for me. Makes them very uncomfortable.

It's really rude

Once I got annoyed and said 'no I'm no tired' but she insisted I was, said something like no I can see from your face that you're tired. Thanks!

@Fearnyleaves

'I'm not tired, I'm just ugly' usual lay works for me. Makes them very uncomfortable.

MIL went through a phase of saying this. The last time was when I replied with “so nice of you to volunteer to take DS so I can get some sleep. I was telling Sandra the other day how lovely and helpful you are” She didn’t know what to say to that, took DD out and has never commented on how tired I look since!

‘You look tired.’

Yeah. You look like a dick but at least I’ll get a night’s sleep at some point.

Next time you see her, get it in first.

Hello mil. Oh you look tired.

So what if she gets defensive?

Make it a game.
Who can get it in first.

Every time she says it, turn to DH and say "your mum says I look tired, it must be your turn to get up with the toddler this weekend and let me have a lie in!"