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Original poster

MIL always commenting on how tired I look

62 replies

user4774848 · 03/02/2022 20:11

It feels almost every single time my MIL sees me she tells me I'm looking really tired - we see her a few times a week and sometimes if I say no I'm not tired she will insist that she can tell from my face that I'm tired! Just went out to dinner with her and she made the same comment.

Why do people think it's okay to always point that out??

And guess what, I've told a toddler who has been slipping into our bed almost every night lately so yes I am exhausted! Grrrr. Just had to vent. I don't know what she's expecting me to do when she points it out every single time we meet!!

OP posts:

stuntbubbles · 05/02/2022 08:02

Definitely get in first. Dish out to her exactly what she’s doing to you. Who cares if she gets defensive and blustery? She’s banking on you not wanting to upset her to get away with her constant rudeness to you.

Happy36 · 05/02/2022 08:03

Can you just ask her not to say that?

moocow123456 · 05/02/2022 08:06

Does she mean you look tired and she wants to help?

My MIL says this and she says it with concern rather than trying to be horrible but it is annoying regardless haha.

Fetchthevet · 05/02/2022 08:13

My FiL likes to tell me how pale I look, and says should put on some 'rouge'. Arsehole.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 05/02/2022 08:36

Oh my mum asks me all the time too and occasionally asks have I got a cold when I haven’t nor am I tired . Tbh it’s usually a Sunday I’ll see her and I just wear my comfys , hair up and no makeup so I do look a bit shit .i think it’s her way of saying I look like shit but I don’t care .

PerseverancePays · 05/02/2022 08:46

I think it's a generational thing. When my daughters look tired because of multiple small children, colds, interrupted nights etc, I feel such a rush of sympathy for them , but I don't say it out loud anymore as they, like you , think I am saying they look like shit.
And yes, I'll take the kids out for a trot and a snack so they can get a breather.
I really want to give them a sympathetic hug cos it is so hard, but that isn't as helpful as prising the little darlings out of the house.
Your MIL sounds tactless.

Walesrecommendations · 05/02/2022 08:51

My mum does this to me. In fact recently she upped her game and told me I looked 'haggard'. Its such a stupid thing to point out, yes I'm tired and look like shit , I've got a baby! No one can make me less tired so why make it worse. Like some of the suggestions upthread as responses.

Ragwort · 05/02/2022 08:54

Agree with a PP, if she is continually asking you dinner (why?) , just send your DH and the DC and your DH can say you are at home having a rest. Win win.

Or get your DH to have a serious word with her.

Maybe she is just trying to be sympathetic....

Pinkyantelope · 05/02/2022 08:54

@PerseverancePays

I think it's a generational thing. When my daughters look tired because of multiple small children, colds, interrupted nights etc, I feel such a rush of sympathy for them , but I don't say it out loud anymore as they, like you , think I am saying they look like shit. And yes, I'll take the kids out for a trot and a snack so they can get a breather. I really want to give them a sympathetic hug cos it is so hard, but that isn't as helpful as prising the little darlings out of the house. Your MIL sounds tactless.

I think this sums it up. Unless she's normally unkind to you.

I don't think it's always been considered such an insult. Maybe a clumsy way to empathise? But I don't know the context.

FunnyGoingsOn · 05/02/2022 08:55

@Happy36

Can you just ask her not to say that?

Exactly! I don't get all the posts suggesting inventive ways of responding when all you have to do is ask her not to mention it. It baffles me how people overcomplicate things

'MIL, I have a favour to ask, I don't know if you realise it but nearly every time we see you you tell me how tired I am. To be honest it makes me feel self conscious. I know you mean well and I know I probably do look tired but Can you please not say it again, thank you"

Then, in future, if she ever says it again just smile politely and remind her of your agreement that she wouldn't comment on you looking tired.

HollowTalk · 05/02/2022 08:56

I think that statement should only be said if it's followed by "why don't you let me take the children for a few hours so that you can get some sleep?"

FunnyGoingsOn · 05/02/2022 09:01

BTW my MIL law tells me I am pretty or that I have a lovely smile almost every time I see her. She also comments that her son is so lucky to have me and that I'm a great Mum.
She must have read the MIL threads in whatever was the equivalent publication 30 odd years ago 😂😂

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