Does anyone else ever have to stifle a laugh when hearing the teacher recount today’s “incident” in a factual, observational way?

[Whatwhywhenwhere]

Don’t get me wrong, I do take it seriously. It’s hearing the whole sorry story from the teacher’s point of view, with hearsay evidence and action points. Not giving more details but it seems little dc has been a bit of a douchebag and despite him apologising, his ass is to be firmly kicked.

The question is how on earth do you reply ???

My favourite was when the parent of twins at nursery was separately informed that their twin1 had needed first aid as they had been bitten by "another child", and that their twin2 had been briefly removed from the main play area due to biting "another child".

@Hugasauras

I had to hold back a laugh when I picked DD up from nursery and the parent in front of me was being told their child had been bitten. That wasn't funny, but it was when the nursery worker broke the news that the biter had been their other child

I had that - a phone call from School rather than in front of parents but ultimately my children had a disagreement in the school yard over piece of play equipment, and, in the manner they tended to settle things at home, one rugby tackled the other and they wrestled for a while.

Fortunately both fine.

I could hear the teacher trying not to laugh at the other end of the phone.

I don't think I would have got the phone call at all if they were boys rather than girls though, which annoyed me slightly.

I once had to have a conversation about bruises all down a childs arm.

In best teacher speak I explained that they had aquired them sucking on themselves.

The child's parent pissed themselves laughing about the DC giving themselves hickeys... apparently assmbly was really boring that day. So not possible to keep a straight face on that occasion.

I'm a teacher and once had to speak to a boy in my form (16) as he had put his neighbour's house up for sale during an IT lesson. 🤣
Thank you so much for this. I have laughed until I cried.

My Mum once turned round in class to find (reception aged) child waving scissors at her 'Look Mrs T, I've turned my jumper into a cardigan!'
She said that was an awkward conversation with Mum

@Whatwhywhenwhere

At this point mum, he said”%#€* ##$€” and although I didn’t hear him say “#%%# (redacted) f*k”, another teacher did hear him say “#~>^ (redacted) f**k etc

I'd have been tempted to reply "I'm not your mum"

It was a concerning conversation when teacher asked us what 'chilled monkey brains' were for dinner - of course from Indiana Jones but it was actually stuffed peppers!

Not at school, but DS age 10 the other day called someone on tv a 'bellend'. He hadn't realised it was rude as clearly had no concept of what a bellend might be. He tried to style it out like he knew what it meant, I just said fine but probably best not to say it to his teacher!

In Year 1 I got a phone call from my daughter's teacher to tell me that Little Hobnob had been sent to the Headteacher as she had hurt another child. The teacher then explained that Little Hobnob had thrown back her head and howled before leaping on the other child and pretending to bite and claw him. When she was told off by the teacher for jumping on another child she said "actually Miss I pounced on him because I was being a wolf and he is a deer". It was this correction when she should have been saying sorry that got her sent to the head

I was didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I just sort of froze and said Oh. Um Oh. This teacher also has no sense of humour whatsoever so she really wasn't seeing any funny side.

(Wolf child and deer are very good friends now)

Friend's autistic son was in a school where they had little or no understanding of his difficulties and kept making him sit for hours on his own. They told him to occupy himself making powerpoint displays on the computer.

One day head was absolutely furious. It turned out Ofsted had been in. When they came across friend's son they discovered he'd managed to hack into the school's system and was having a nice time reading the staff's files. Friend thought it was a hilarious and suggested that maybe it could all have been avoided had anyone bothered to supervise properly or do something radical like teaching him.

I once had to stop two boys who were chasing each other round at lunch and were clearly about to injure themselves. The conversation went like this:
“J, why are you running away from A?”
“He’s chasing me with a banana, he knows I’m scared of bananas.”
“A, why are you chasing J with a banana?”
“Well, I’m not really, I’m just PRETENDING I have a banana to scare him.”

They were both in lower sixth at the time.

@HyggeTygge1

I'm a teacher and once had to speak to a boy in my form (16) as he had put his neighbour's house up for sale during an IT lesson. 🤣

😂😂😂

Oh my goodness these are brilliant! Crying with laughter 😆

These are brilliant 🤣😂
Dd2 has some socialisation issues at school which are being managed really well during school day but she still has the occasional outburst at after school club where it's noisy (she's deaf) & unstructured.
The newest member of staff obviously wasn't aware of the background (I'm constantly worried she's gonna be kicked out & really need the childcare) as she asked if she could have a word with me about dd2's behaviour.
I was very glad I was wearing a mask as she told me in all seriousness that dd had.....stuck her tongue out at another child while they were playing football 🤣😂
She's 7....
I used the pp's husband's line of thank you for letting me know.

(and was roundly disbelieved by his classmates, which made him dance with rage).

😂😂😂😂😂

Wish I had seen the rage dancing 😂😂😂😂

CaptainCallisto
When DS1 was in nursery I had to have a very intense chat with his teacher because he had been going up to girls and saying "show me your tits". He had speech delay (also ASD though wasn't diagnosed at that point), was obsessed with trains, and was playing ticket inspector. He couldn't quite manage to say ticket, so it came out tits...

Haha we've had similar (son also ASD and global delay including speech) was obsessed with blankets. He'd run around waving them in the air at nursery but couldn't say 'blanket' so ran around shouting "wanker, wanker!"

@ImprobablePuffin one of my sons friends couldn't say "th" clearly, so "thank you" came out as "wank you". I remember the Reception Teachers shock when she started school. She was an incredibly polite little girl so said it a lot

In Reception I was pulled to one side by the teacher to say that DS had called someone a “smack head”
DS had no idea what one was or had even heard the term before - he just called people random word Head but unfortunately in this case he used the work Smack

Ds3 (4) has always been a fantastic eater, in great quantities...he has a huge appetite and will eat everything in big portions despite being a slim little thing.

When he started daycare at just turned 3 I was pulled aside several times at pick up to say they'd had to speak to him about meal times.

He would scoff everything on his own plate then systematically work his way around the other 3 year olds and point out their carrot sticks or chicken or whatever he fancied and explain to them why it was yucky and they didn't want to eat it but he would get it off their plate for them. The other 3 year olds readily agreed and ds would then eat his stolen food and move onto the next child.

Nursery found it funny and so did I although I was a little concerned that they'd think he wasn't being fed at home! Ds was very indignant at the suggestion he was doing something wrong and said 'but it's not stealing if they say I can have it!'

He was only there a few days before they told me they'd levelled up his meals and snacks to the bigger size that older children usually got but explained to him that he could only have this if he stopped taking food off others plates. He was delighted and readily agreed and was thrilled at having a plate of food double the size of everyone else's 😂

At nursery pickup I was told very seriously that DD hadn’t had a very good day and had to sit at a table on her own at lunchtime… because she wouldn’t stop licking everyone’s cutlery