Does anyone else ever have to stifle a laugh when hearing the teacher recount today’s “incident” in a factual, observational way?

[Whatwhywhenwhere]

Don’t get me wrong, I do take it seriously. It’s hearing the whole sorry story from the teacher’s point of view, with hearsay evidence and action points. Not giving more details but it seems little dc has been a bit of a douchebag and despite him apologising, his ass is to be firmly kicked.

The question is how on earth do you reply ???

Not so much behaviour but DS accident reports always made me chuckle
“Hopping Junior poked himself in his eye with his thumb and then tried to run away from his friend with one eye closed and tripped over a cone and fell hard on his bottom. He said his bottom was bruised but we haven’t checked”
Was typical

My child mooned the lunch hall for a bet once. Hardest. Conversation. Ever! 😂

As a teacher, it is also sometimes a challenge to maintain the disappointed, let down and reproving face required to respond to some of the bizarre things kids do.
Eg.
'What are you two doing in the toilets together?' (at lunchtime, when I thought everyone was outside).

Pause while I notice what they are wearing.

'And why are you each only wearing one welly?'

Pause while I take in the full scene.

'And why are your other wellies standing in the urinal?'

Answer - 'We were weeing in each other's wellies'.

Ok...

'And why are ther

sharing 'mature reading materials' with another group of children which had made some of them extremely distressed and one small child vomit.

**

Lord above

At pick up from nursery I was told that my daughter had done a poop in the Wendy House. She had just been potty trained and decided to just do a poop in the playhouse.

I did laugh all the way home.

Another time I got a phone call to say she had eaten bird poop in the garden. She was only about 9 months and did love her food. I was laughing when I had to call the gp to check if she would get ill from it.

When DS1 was in nursery I had to have a very intense chat with his teacher because he had been going up to girls and saying "show me your tits". He had speech delay (also ASD though wasn't diagnosed at that point), was obsessed with trains, and was playing ticket inspector. He couldn't quite manage to say ticket, so it came out tits...

He also managed to accidentally glue himself to the table just before Christmas. He's in Y5 now! His teacher was failing completely at serious face for that conversation

Your teachers tell you about lots of events that really don't need sharing!

I've had to talk to the teacher the other way round when my lovely 4 year old came home after one day (!!!) of reception and casually asked me to "carry me up to bed then you fuckhead".

I used to go in and help with reading in early primary. I went in one day when my son was in T1 and they had been doing descriptive writing.

The task was to fill in some blanks in sentences ...my son had clearly had enough by the end. The sentences were all along the theme of "The sound in the world is " with the instruction this time to fill in the loveliest sound in the world to finish off the lesson on a happy note.

My son had written The YUCKIEST sound in the world is someone doing a poo in snow. He had then drawn a strikingly accurate stick man picture of the event.

I had to go and "put my coat in the cupboard" so I could laugh in private ...when I came out the teacher had rubbed it out!! Travesty. 🤣🤣

@OutwiththeOutCrowd

I've never had to stifle a laugh but have often had to stifle a sob!

Same. 🤣

Ds is in special school and they send an email home every night. I dread opening them..

I have been sitting on the train home giggling at so many of these.

I had to kick my husband at parents evening once when she was recounting an incident with my son. It was really funny I held it together he did not

The accident reports that come home are the best for us.

“DollyJunior trapped their penis under the seat while using the toilet”

“DollyJuniorJunior punched themselves in the face while trying to pull the nametape off their sock”

I'm surprised DD (5) 's teacher hasn't had a word. The other day she said 'goodness sake'. She definitely must have said something else at school and been corrected.

@MsTSwift
Same happened here. But I was in less of a forgiving mood, so swiftly put the teacher back in his place. I am not his student and talk to me like an adult.

DS also has similar. He has been struggling with his english teacher who is a certified d*ckhead. All of last year I was hearing how my son will fail his gcse this year in english and he is soooo terrible. He has won writing contests, has a unique style and in general is more read and knows more about literature history than most british adults (we come from a diff country where we are taught lit in a very diff way. and has grown up around books).

This half term in his report card he got a 2 (on a 1-5 scale) in English. This predicts an E or F in gcse and is suggestive of a total failure.
His mock gcse came back (lit/lang): 9/8. (marked by another eng.dept teacher as an anonymous paper - if I know correctly)

I have to agree with my son by now - he truly hates him. Thank god he is not going to grade him.

Omg

I picked DD up from nursery last year to be told she had done her a poo in her shoes.
I was handed a shoeless toddler and a double bagged pair of shoes which they’d actually done a very good job of cleaning.

She went through a phase of always taking her shoes off and I would frequently arrive at pick up time to find that all the toddlers in the toddler room had been roped into a fun game of “who can find [DD’s] shoes” while DD helpfully suggested a long list of places she thought she’d put them.

This takes me back several years to when dd1 was in reception. The TA came over to let me know that dd had forgotten to put her pants on that morning. This became apparent during circle time when they were sitting cross legged on the carpet

@CaptainCallisto

When DS1 was in nursery I had to have a very intense chat with his teacher because he had been going up to girls and saying "show me your tits". He had speech delay (also ASD though wasn't diagnosed at that point), was obsessed with trains, and was playing ticket inspector. He couldn't quite manage to say ticket, so it came out tits...

Omg! 🤣🤣

🤣 I absolutely loved this kid. A kid dobbed him in and the teachers checked his internet history and it was all there. The first the neighbours knew about any of it was when the estate agent came round to do the valuation. He would be about 22 now, probably still doing things like this!

My child's preschool had taught them to remove anything from the gardens "that shouldn't be there" ie toys, litter..

My 3yo took this instruction very seriously and carefully gathered up all the cat poo he could find - and handed it to his teacher. Teacher was still in shock when I arrived for pick up
😂 😂

I dread to think what my kids get up to and say at school. I am quite familiar with some of the staff there and quite frequently get comments along the lines of how hilarious they are

One that I did get to know about was when DS1 was in reception and had used a felt tip to draw himself a moustache. He did such a good job two other kids asked for one too, which he happily obliged

@CaptainCallisto

When DS1 was in nursery I had to have a very intense chat with his teacher because he had been going up to girls and saying "show me your tits". He had speech delay (also ASD though wasn't diagnosed at that point), was obsessed with trains, and was playing ticket inspector. He couldn't quite manage to say ticket, so it came out tits...

Omg I laughed so hard

@CaptainCallisto

When DS1 was in nursery I had to have a very intense chat with his teacher because he had been going up to girls and saying "show me your tits". He had speech delay (also ASD though wasn't diagnosed at that point), was obsessed with trains, and was playing ticket inspector. He couldn't quite manage to say ticket, so it came out tits...

Apparently I couldn't say the word blackcurrant very well when I was a toddler. If I wanted Ribena I would shout out for BlackCU rra NT. Mum got me onto orange juice ASAP.