Does anyone else ever have to stifle a laugh when hearing the teacher recount today’s “incident” in a factual, observational way?

[Whatwhywhenwhere]

Don’t get me wrong, I do take it seriously. It’s hearing the whole sorry story from the teacher’s point of view, with hearsay evidence and action points. Not giving more details but it seems little dc has been a bit of a douchebag and despite him apologising, his ass is to be firmly kicked.

The question is how on earth do you reply ???

I've never had to stifle a laugh but have often had to stifle a sob!

It depends what they did wrong obviously!

But as a teacher one of the hardest things is trying to be serious when they’ve just done something wrong but hilarious.

I always remember my old teacher trying not to laugh when anyone did something stupid and they’d have to send them out and compose themselves before going to talk to them.

When DD1 was in Y1 her teacher left my pick-up to last. DD2 (5) had told a boy to 'Fuck Off' at lunchtime.

I assured her that I would talk to DD2 about it. But I then asked if the swearing had been in context.

She blinked, frowned and slightly smiled in sort-of one go, and said that this boy had been pulling her hair and she;d asked him not to a couple of times.

I then asked why the problem was my daughter having to resort to emphatic language in order to have her wishes even heard. Why wasn't the problem the boy who didn't respect her right to say no to being touched. I agreed to 'have a word' with DD2 but it was very downgraded from the conversation I was going to have. The teacher was trying not to laugh (and failing) as she agreed to reconsider the situation from this point of view, and would be talking to the boy's parents the following day.

We now have the same teacher in Y6. She has not forgotten.

Always ask for context though, The answers are great.

Not f2f, but we once had a school report for DS2 when he was in Y8 where his History teacher had written "x is never afraid to give his opinion on a subject". DS2 was a mouthy, cocky little so and so at the time, who loved history and read up on it loads. I could just imagine him spouting out some (unproven) theory he'd read up about the Poor Laws whilst the poor teacher wanted to throttle him.

@Hugasauras

I had to hold back a laugh when I picked DD up from nursery and the parent in front of me was being told their child had been bitten. That wasn't funny, but it was when the nursery worker broke the news that the biter had been their other child

This may have been me. I have twins, one was a biter and one wasn’t. I frequently got called to say DD had bitten someone, and also that DS had been bitten. There would be a pause and I’d say “so did she bite him” and they would concede that yes she had. We’d have to go through this role play quite often

Obviously I did speak to my DD and explain that we don’t bite people etc etc

DS’s teacher was laughing while told me he’d started printing 500 copies of a picture of a cat and that they had so far been unable to stop the printer! He was about 7 and it definitely shouldn’t have been possible for him to do that on a school computer!
I’ve also had another teacher completely straight faced tell me that he’d had a word with DS about pointing out a ‘rude word’ that was inadvertently in a word search. He couldn’t bring himself to say the word out loud so instead handed me the word search concerned and pointed in the general direction of the word, took a minute or to to spot but it turned out to be ‘sec’

I had to ring a parent to tell them their six year old had no underwear on. He'd decided that it was "too hot for pants" apparently. I maintained a professional straight face. For the first 30 seconds.

When I was about 15 and at school we were playing rounders (in a back field called the paddock) and I slipped in the middle and fell on my backside (skinned my bum) and swore (‘awwww shite’).

My PE teacher decided that I had to have an apology letter from me, signed by mum.

Mum was howling at this, and wrote in the bottom of my apology ‘I was sorry to hear that Kitten did a shite in your paddock’. Thanks mum.

When my Dd was in the reception class she decided she couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet for a wee and went instead on the playing field. Her teacher didn’t manage a straight face whilst telling me.

I was called at home when dd had recently started nursery, (she was 2) they were very concerned because dd had told the teacher, that she had to look after dad because "mum chopped his balls off" thankfully I was able to explain that I hadn't in fact done that, but the dog had gone to the vet to be neutered! She was saying dad instead of dog

Mine are very well behaved at school, but were little sods at preschool so I was often pulled to one side at pick up with "can I have a word Mummy?"...

X painted Y today.
I've had to change his clothes as he filled the sink with paper towels and turned the tap on.
I have put extra salt in the playdough as he eats it.
I had to make extra pasta for messy play as he eats it (both kids).

Disclaimer - my children are well fed, they just like their food.

When my DD was around 6 years old there was a boy in her class who was quite spirited and apparently the teachers were always shouting at him telling him to sit still.
I was called into school one day by the teacher who explained she had caught my DD covering this boys chair in glue.
I'll admit I found it really hard not to laugh as she tearfully explained how the boy was covered in it and had had to borrow some trousers that were three sizes too big as his parent couldn't leave work to bring some spares.
( I did talk to DD and explain it was a terrible idea).

@Whatwhywhenwhere I’m a teacher of a decade and honestly, I do laugh when typing these emails.

It’s the factual nature of them… cracks me up every time…

‘Unfortunately, Nathan decided to tell a supply teacher to ‘f* off’ today, as you know, this is well below the standards both the school and you at home uphold…’

I do laugh because even though I don’t have kids, I’d be mortified if I had that email in my inbox!

@HyggeTygge1 he did what???🤣🤣🤣

In Year 1 DD1 bit another child and her teacher pulled DH aside to tell him, clearly expecting shock and horror. Whilst I understand this is not appropriate behaviour, she had form for this when much younger when stressed or upset and this was moving day - he was picking her up to take her to our new house. Also she'd had a proper telling off, said sorry, had to stay in at break time and been told that teacher would have a word at home time so he felt it had been dealt with sufficiently. He listened very patiently to the whole story in lots of detail, very serous etc and then said 'Well thanks for letting me know' and left. It's been my inspiration for this sort of situation ever since.

I've had to do so many of these.

"X felt it was appropriate to gesticulating at his crotch while gyrating and telling another member of the class to...."

Frankly I often make the child read what they have written/done to parents...

I've had a few where me and the teacher have been laughing (discretely) while expressing disapproval.

Mostly for ds. Actually I think only for ds.

I think one of the funniest was when he and a friend had decided the school was being attacked and they were going to save it (full imagination, no real invaders). So they'd hidden in the trees at the bottom of the playground and stayed there talking on their (imaginary) walkie talkies. When asked (after being found) they said in true bewilderment "but we told you on our walkie talkies that we were safe"

🤣🤣🤣

The other one which was me telling the teacher when I found him taking a spade to school to complete the hole they were digging under the fence to escape from school. Having confiscated the spade, I went to have a look at the hole (under a bush) and found it substantial (I suspect helped by badgers) and definitely large enough for a small 5yo to crawl under.

Oh and another where he (aged 6yo) decided to tell his class about why, in great details, the last Concorde had crashed. He could have gone on mastermind with that as his chosen subject as it fascinated him. They were about to get on (non-mobile) one as part of a school trip. I believe some of the children refused to enter the plane.

I got pulled aside at nursery pick up and told that dd had said that a pumpkin she'd brought in for the nature table was shaped like a 'bum'. I laughed because I thought they were joking. I asked them if it did look like a bum (it did) and told dd not to worry about it it, and that her nursery teacher didn't find the word bum funny but she could say it as much as she wanted at home 🤷‍♀️

@Hugasauras

I had to hold back a laugh when I picked DD up from nursery and the parent in front of me was being told their child had been bitten. That wasn't funny, but it was when the nursery worker broke the news that the biter had been their other child

My mum had similar when my brothers were in Year 11. She (also a teacher) was in a meeting at the school across the road from their school, and ducked out to answer the phone to their school, where the head of year told her Twin2 had "been assaulted by another student". He then went on to say that the other student was, in fact, Twin1. Turns out Twin2 had been making fun of Twin1 for being in a lower maths set than him, so Twin1 had punched him. They used to do that sort of thing all the time at home, but obviously it was very much Not On at school. They ended up both getting a day's internal exclusion, for punch and provoking, but the school only had one room to put them in, so they had to have their exclusion on different days!

@HyggeTygge1

I'm a teacher and once had to speak to a boy in my form (16) as he had put his neighbour's house up for sale during an IT lesson. 🤣

😂😂

DD1 and her friend flooded the pre-school toilets when they were 3. They blocked the sink plugs with paper towels, ran the taps and had an amazing time splashing in the resulting puddles.

I must admit that I laughed when they told me, although to be fair, they were laughing as they told me! They weren't usually naughty.

@Tricked2003

DDs teacher pulled me aside at pick up time to tell me that she had had to have a talk with her after seeing her doing cartwheels in the yard and realising she wasn't wearing any knickers. It was summer and I had left dd to get dressed herself that morning (she was 5). I'm not sure how either of us managed to keep a straight face!

Years ago when ds2 was at a special residential school his house mother phoned me up.. She was an ex police woman and still spoke like one.
She told me in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't be dressing a then 7 year old ds in corduroy trousers... When I asked why she replied that they made him look like a baby... I then replied and said if they weren't appropriate why were Next, Gap, M and S and Primark selling them for boys his age? She couldn't answer that...
She pissed me off so much that the next time I packed his suitcase I put two extra pairs in!!

@BusySittingDown

DD1 and her friend flooded the pre-school toilets when they were 3. They blocked the sink plugs with paper towels, ran the taps and had an amazing time splashing in the resulting puddles.

I must admit that I laughed when they told me, although to be fair, they were laughing as they told me! They weren't usually naughty.

🤣🤣