What is the imaginary title of your imaginary PhD?

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Mine is "Teenagers and Coats: an ethnography of conflict"

Chapter headings include: "tweens: shifting the outerwear paradigm", "temperature: a social construct" and "the Oodie Paradox".

Inspired by DD's allergy to wearing coats in any weather while she complains of being cold in a toasty warm house.

men: a study of male spasmodic voluntary hearing & memory loss
chapter one; denial - you never told me that

Great thread!

I'm currently slogging my way through a PhD in real life, so dreaming up a title that reflects all of the crap going on around it at the moment...

"Adolescent transition to nocturnal habituation and occasional outbursts of disproportionate rage: a phenomenological analysis"

PhDs and punctuation: why does the title always have to be in two parts?

(This is dh's contribution)

@weegiemum

PhDs and punctuation: why does the title always have to be in two parts?

(This is dh's contribution)

Because it gives it a nice ring?

Probably too short an answer for a PhD....

Migratory and mating patterns in in Tupperwarea Lidae.

Will explore the reasons why it is impossible for any item of Tupperware to stay united as a matching set of box and lid for more than a few weeks. Upon reaching maturity the lids are able to open spacetime wormhole portals to someone else's kitchen drawer where they swap places with the lid of some other random Tupperware which doesn't have a match in it's original location, ensuring that any storage area for Tupperware is entirely filled with receptacles and lids which include zero matching pairs for one another.

I'm not clever enough, I'd flunk.
I'd do one on how my toddlers can sense the precise second I lie down in bed in order to choose that moment to scream loudly

Effective ways to stop partner snoring loudly in bed next to me forcing me to post on MN all night

Indignant rage: an analysis on the righteous and hard-done-by in the battle of teenage v menopausal warfare

I seriously submit later this year on something to do with participative democracy but these sound much better

Cheese: a comparative analysis of strong cheddars
The chapters would be taste, texture, scent, visual & packaging, best pairings

The psychology of banana eating in the pre school years.
Chapters would be 'nana dirty' 'nana broken' 'not this nana want that one' 'too green' 'too yellow' 'too black' 'too hard' 'too squishy' 'bruised bits' 'not tasty' and 'mummy have it now.'

Consent and Capacity during Childbirth: Does Mama know best?

Actually, if someone could just write this for me, I'd love to read it!

To touch on the impact of pain, stress, fear, rage and exhaustion on the ability to comprehend, weigh information and communicate, the value/pitfalls of decision making in birth plans, and criteria for professional judges to override mothers.

It probably already exists, I can't say I've looked. (But if not, the title is copyright to me for now!)

No judges! Just professionals!

An investigation into the migration of the pooch from the designated place of rest onto the human resting place and the conseqnce of space hogging.

Chapers: small turns to giant, playing dead,

My real one has a deadly dull title.

My fantasy one would be “A feminist analysis of reality TV 2000-2022”

Mine is: The Immense Benefits of Stroking Animals.

I’ve already put a lot of research into this.

@BuanoKubiamVej - I have a alternate hypothesis that there may be a sympathetic branching wormhole to the laundry and there may be a molecular transition from Tupperware lids to odd socks. I have objective evidence over a number of years to support this but could do a meta analysis.

Migratory and mating patterns in in Tupperwarea Lidae.

Brilliant @BuanoKubiamVej

Also I think you and @Jammallama could probably establish a joint research centre.

I got my PhD from here…

cynicalbastards.com/ubs/courses.html

That's a fascinating hypothesis @Jammallama and seems reasonably likely. Although it's also possible that the socks are merely the food/fuel used to power the translocation of the Tupperware lids, rather than there bwing such a drastic change of shape and texture.

I know that pure academic research is good for its own sake but applications for research funding are often enhanced if there are practical applications for the science once it is better understood. What practical technology could be developed if we were able to better understand the mechanisms of the tupperware lid wormholing phenomenon?

Aaah I'm also not witty enough for a funny one

In RL I would like to study "men's experiences of flexible working" in a few years.

More please.

What Shall We Watch: to be serialised over a year.
An analysis of why, with both Prime and Netflix, DH and I can spend an evening browsing before concluding it’s too late to start something now. To evaluate his preference for documentaries vs: mine for practically anything else, include a comparison of our relative night owl/lark energy levels, and an attempted illustration of how annoying it must be to hear someone go “Have we? Well when was that, I don’t remember watching that one…”
I suspect the conclusion would be that we should divorce though

Namechanged for this as I have previously shared it on other social media and I don't want my normal mumsnetting associated with me in real life. This topic was fornulated many years ago (DC much older now)

Advances in Theoretical Tomblibology - properties and deductions on the nature of as-yet unobserved Tombliboos.

We can deduce from careful observation of known Tombliboos, that there must at least theoretically exist Tombliboo "Or" who will have yellow hair-pom-poms and wear largely yellow clothes with red spots and stripes, and Tombliboo "Ibe" who will have green hair-pom-poms and wear largely green clothes with brown spots and stripes.

The author considers how such theoretically deductible Tombliboos might be experimentally detected. It is possible that a high-speed collision between two of the known Tombliboos within a vacuum might produce exotic Tombliboos in the chaotic aftermath. It is likely that the half-life of these exotic Tombliboos will be such that they don't exist for long but by studying them we may get a deeper understanding of the fundamental nature of Tombliboos, including why their trousers fall down so often.

Staring into the Abyss; a quantitative study into the black hole phenomenon, with specific focus on the teenage bedroom, mugs and teaspoons.

I also have an actual DPhil, but quite fancy something like a fully-funded ‘Recreating the Grand Tour: A 21st Century Experiential Approach’.