DS’s weight has ballooned since he started secondary school and I’m worried about him.

[Suchaquandry]

DS is 12 next month and he started secondary school in September. He has always been slim although admittedly did gain some weight during the first lockdown because we rarely left the house (I was pregnant at the time and terrified). I did make him and DD’s do Joe Wicks, laps around the garden, trampolining and yoga YouTube videos but I noticed he’d never put as much effort in as his sister’s so I doubt he burnt as many calories.

Anyway, they returned to school and he lost weight fairly quickly. Partly because we almost always walked home from school (1.8 mile walk) and partly because he couldn’t snack during the day I guess! All fine until he started secondary in September. He no longer walks home because it’s 3 miles away so an hour’s walk and I don’t feel right asking him to do this when it’s cold and dark (he also won’t take a coat to school because there’s no lockers and he doesn’t want to lug it around). DH drops him in the morning and has started dropping him about 15 minutes away so he gets some exercise. He gets the bus home. He does PE twice a week but he doesn’t enjoy sports at all and I doubt he puts much effort in. We have started C25K together this week which he hates but I’ll persevere. He’s also started going to a junior gym session on a Sunday and I’m doing junior park run with him and DD’s to try encouraging him. We usually go on a family walk at the weekend too. That’s the exercise situation.

Diet wise I don’t buy crap snacks anymore at all so pretty much everything in the house is healthy. He does have an issue with portion control though. I serve dinner up so that’s not an issue but he wakes much earlier than anyone else so gets his own breakfast. We only have healthy options but he piles his bowl full until it’s almost spilling over the sides. He also literally spoons mounds of peanut butter onto his toast for example. I’ve told him it’s unacceptable and showed him how much he should be having but he rolled his eyes and thought I was getting on at him. We always have a healthy evening meal fwiw aside from the odd time we’ll have take out or pizza but that isn’t often at all.

My biggest concern with his diet is what he’s eating at school. I no longer have control over this, I used to choose his dinner on the app in primary school or I’d send him with a packed lunch but this isn’t an option now and he isn’t making great choices at all. He has pizza at least twice a week and a cheese or egg sandwich the rest of the week with cake and custard for dessert every single day. He also gets a snack every break time which is a Belgian waffle or toast. The toast may not sound so bad until you hear the fact he puts syrup on top! I’ve asked him to get healthier options because I refuse to believe they don’t have a healthy dessert option for example but he said they only have muesli and he’s not getting that because nobody does and everyone would think he was a weirdo .

He’s about a stone overweight and I’m worried about his fitness levels. He used to be very fit but now he’s puffing and panting with little exertion. He’s also in 14-15 years clothing, he is quite tall (5 ft 4) but this is a bit crazy, it really shows around his middle in particular. None of us have a weight problem so this is new to me and I’m just looking for some general advice really.

Schools do serve rubbish. Several I worked in served bacon and sausage barmcakes, cheese on toast at break time and before school. Then lunch there was various hot options, paninis, pasta pots and cakes. If he definitely is beginning to look over weight I would restrict his money on his account so he only has lunch and I’m sure he can get away with taking an apple or a cereal bar for break time snack

@Suchaquandry

He has already been told he has a budget each day which he sticks to but he’s still using it to buy crap food rather than healthy options sadly. I’m surprised the school has such options every day, I thought Jamie Oliver fixed it years ago .

I've posted before about the crap my two DC were sold at their secondary schools and loads of posters with children in primary school refused to believe it!

Every day, from breakfast through breaks until lunchtime and beyond, my DC could buy toast & waffles with syrup, pizzas, burger and chips, puddings and custard, massive cookies, cakes, and more chips. There was a 'salad bar' that sold a bowl of lettuce leaves, cucumber and tomato for £2.30 (probably nearer £3 now) so it was not popular.

Jamie Oliver did fuck all for secondary schools and his very limited 'primary effect' ceased as soon as local authorities lost control of them too to Academy chains - and many Academies have decided 'no packed lunches' and most have a 'no going home for lunch' rule.

I wonder if there are any hobbies that aren’t sports but are active he’d enjoy doing e.g. drama or scouts etc.

I also think topup cards instead of money for lunches are bad. Me and my brother would both save as much of our dinner money as possible for other things which limited the number of breaktime snacks and puddings…

Is he definitely overweight?

My son is 12 too and put on loads of weight during lockdown. He is usually very active so has managed to get it all back off now with some effort. He is 5ft 4 as well and weights 7st 8lbs roughly. Still in higher side of healthy weight but he is quite muscly as pkays football and ice hockey. He has huge appetite

The advantage of top up cards though is they can't spend it on fizzy drinks and sweets in the corner shop.
I used to save up my dinner money (£1 a day in the 80s) and spend it on alcohol and cigarettes, so I do think top up cards are better.

Haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if already mentioned. My ds put weight on around the same age, maybe a little younger. Sports really not his thing, massively into gaming.
I got him a VR and he plays beatsaber, fabulous cardio and fun. He’s had this a few years, still play loads. Last year got him a ring for his switch which also incorporates exercises. Not as much as the VR.
It really worked for him, his bmi now normal and has been for a long while. I think kids are the same as adults, will only stick to exercise when they find one they enjoy, at the very least don’t hate.

Something that jumps out at me is that every week youre forcing him to do exercise that he hates, park runs etc because you like it and i suspect because it's easier for you. But the only sport he does like, swimming, you only take him once a month. No wonder he can't be arsed to exercise! He's old enough to go swimming by himself or with his mates so maybe he should do more of what he likes, because otherwise constantly dragging him out doing your choice of exercise (which i expect he absolutely knows he isn't as good at as he used to be - not much of a confidence boost is it) and telling him his food choices are "unacceptable" are going to cause him major issues about his weight.

I think he's probably due a growth spurt. I wouldn't worry about it too much or micro-manage his food, it's normal for boys and girls his age to eat like a horse and loads of toast and peanut butter sounds par for the course. Just make really good healthy dinners and try to enable him doing physical activity he enjoys rather than making him do stuff with you.

I guess 5'4" didn't sound that tall to me as DD2 (nearly 13) is 5'9", but it is above average heights, boys have a later growth spurt and he probably will end up being tall.

Yes he’s definitely overweight. I got new scales at the start of the month and weighed and measured the DC just out of pure interest. I didn’t make any issue out of the results whatsoever but when I inputted the results to BMI calculator, DS is about a stone overweight. He’s 9 stone 12. It really shows around his middle in particular and his thighs and he’s in 14-15 year clothing. It’s surprising to see because he’s always been very slim. As I said, I do hope it’s just pubescent weight gain and he shoots up soon to balance it out.

We are going to increase the amount we go swimming. I didn’t realise he could go alone (naive of me I know) so I’ll take him once during the week to swim alone or with me if he prefers then aim to go at least twice a month as a family.

and telling him his food choices are "unacceptable" are going to cause him major issues about his weight

Did explain later in the thread but I didn’t actually say it was unacceptable to his face. I just said something along the lines of ‘oh come on DS, that’s far too much peanut butter, it’s practically half of the jar!’ Then I showed him how much people generally have. He was spooning mounds of PB on with a tablespoon so I was a bit shocked, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do this before!

I wonder if there are any hobbies that aren’t sports but are active he’d enjoy doing e.g. drama or scouts etc.

He left the scouts last summer because he said he was too old for it and didn’t enjoy it anymore so fine. He hates drama with a passion , it’s his least favourite subject at school.

He does enjoy swimming but I’m concerned he doesn’t actually do very much swimming when we go. He tends to swim a bit but likes to mess around mostly when we go as a family. Perhaps if he goes alone during the week he will do some swimming.

It's probably pre puberty puppy fat and he will start growing like a weed north and south as soon as puberty hits.

I think swimming is a good shout OP, as even if he's not doing loads of lengths he is still being active, rather than just sitting playing games.

I do sympathise with the secondary school diet though, it sounds awful and is really impossible for you to control. I would definitely be querying the ban on packed lunches as surely that can't be right?

Both my dc went through this. They were both doing things like having two puddings and a slice of pizza .

I actually did talk to both of them about their weight and making shit choices like pizza and two puddings and then sweets on the bus stop.

We got more active. We went for more walks, we started doing pt sessions. We went for more bike rides. I didn't stop treats at home or restrict their food. I didn't make comments like - are you sure you should be eating that ect. But I was matter of fact about their weight gain and how much harder life could be if they carried on eating like they were and become morbidly obese.

Most of the snack foods you mentioned are quite high in carbs. He might be better eating higher protein snacks like jerky, cheese or whole nuts. It's much more difficult to eat a huge handful of nuts than to eat a large amount of (processed) peanut butter, even though the peanut butter might not contain sugar.

And what does he eat for breakfast? Is it very carby too? If he's eating pizza and waffles at school, it might be best to give him higher protein dinner and breakfast.

If he doesn't like exercise, could he do more activity around the house? Could you pay him to wash your car, or take a neighbour's dog for a walk? I know it can be difficult to motivate kids at this age. My 13 year old watches the football highlights while using the exercise bike. If we try and get him to go out for a walk with us, he'll walk ten steps behind us. He does love playing football though, and he has swimming lessons too.

Teenagers and carbs go together like toast with peanut butter. Don't expect them to eat like a 45 year old trying to lose ten pounds. And most secondary school canteens have average at best food, usually with very long queues which mean they go for the quick, easy option of the pasta/sandwich bar.

It's much more difficult to eat a huge handful of nuts

It is? News to me. Next you'll be saying it's really hard to eat a slab of cheese.

Even if he's playing in the pool, he will be burning calories. It sounds like you feel that exercise has to come in certain formats like swimming lengths. What about going to kick a ball about in the park at the weekend either with you/dad or friends?!